Go Away
by JustYourAverageKilljoy
Summary: After the break down of her fathers "reliable" truck, Emma is made to walk home. Only to be picked up by a man who really can't take a hint.
1. Chapter 1 Chance Encounter

She was headed back into town when it happened. Stupid truck, she thought as she slammed the door shut. Why she couldn't just drive her car, she didn't understand. " _It's not reliable_ " her mother said, " _I don't want you to get in a wreck and die._ " She pleaded her case, a rather compelling one at that, but her mother insisted she take her father's truck. So she did and now she's stranded.

"Mom, it broke down" Emma said as soon as she answered the phone. Her mother sighed and asked what happened, causing her to have to repeat her opening statement, "It broke down."

"What did you do?"

"I drove it?"

"Did you hit something?"

"I think I'd know if I hit something, mom." She said with an eyeroll. Again, her mother sighed.

"Okay, I can't come get you right now. Your dad is at work. I could send Ru-"

"I'd rather stay stranded."

"Emma"

"She drives like a maniac." Emma said and then ran a hand through her hair, "Why can't you come get me?"

"I'm in the Mayor's office, you're lucky she's even letting me talk to you."

"Why ar-"

"The founders parade, Emma, don't you listen?"

"I listen." She said softly, "When I'm not stranded."

"How far are you from town?"

"I don't know. A mile or two."

"That's well within walking distance."

"Mom, it's almost dark." Emma said softly as she opened the door to grab the keys and turn the truck off. She sighed, "Fine, I'll walk but someone's going to think I'm a prostitute."

"I can get someone t-"

"No, it's fine." Emma hung up the phone and started walking, she made sure the truck was locked and headed out. The sky was darkening and soon it was pitch black, she may have been wrong, she was farther than she thought from town. The more she walked the longer the road stretched. She groaned.

Her parents were Mary Margaret and David Nolan, they'd made the decision to take her in when they found her alone in an alley, dirt under her nails, blood on her jeans. Just a kid, fourteen. They adopted her officially when she turned sixteen. Gave her a life she didn't dream possible. She never thought she could be wanted so badly, when the social worker said they might not be able to adopt her, they nearly broke. She met Neal at seventeen, got in some trouble, almost ended up in jail because he pinned a crime on her and she was stupid enough to believe that he loved her. When he found out she was pregnant he couldn't run faster. Saying, "I can't do this, Em." And bolted, a cloud of dust in his wake. She had Henry at eighteen, a beautiful little boy who looked too much like his father. He was four now and really smart for his age.

She didn't change her last name, it was part of her, almost adopted by the Swans and then thrown back in the system when mommy found out she was pregnant. At three. Besides, Emma Nolan didn't sound right coming off her tongue.

Emma walked, looking at her phone, it was nearly dead. She must have forgotten to charge it. Great. A light shined on her and she moved closer to the side of the road, her feet hitting the grass so she didn't get hit. She slumped a little when the car slowed down beside her and the window rolled down. She didn't stop walking, didn't look over. They probably thought she was a prostitute.

"Hey" a voice said from inside the car, a heavy accent that nearly made her melt. She ignored him, "that your truck all the way back there?" She didn't answer, didn't look over, ignored him. "If it is, you should know, someone smashed the windows out."  
"What!?" she exclaimed and looked back.

"Ah, knew that'd get your attention." he stopped the car and she stopped walking, "would you like a ride, love?"

"Excuse me?"  
"Would you like a ride, love?" He asked again, slower this time.

"Emma." She corrected, "It's _Emma_."

"My apologies."

"And no, I'm doing just fine." She started walking again, she knew better. He could be some creep. He followed with his car, slowly, watching her. "You can go."

"Are you sure?" He asked, "It's no trouble, love"

" _Emma._ "

"Emma." He said, "I hope you like rain."

"What?"

"It's about to storm." _Great._ "I see you don't have an umbrella."

"You're messing with me."

"I promise." He said, "So, unless you want rained on, I suggest you accept the help."

"You could be a serial killer."

"You'd be dead by now." He pushed the passenger door open, "I'm not leaving you out here." She sighed

"Fine." She groaned and then climbed in. As soon as she buckled herself in, rain pounded against the windshield.

"Told you." He smiled and she felt her heart skip, he was beautiful. "Where are you headed?"  
"Storybrooke."

"Interesting."

"Why?"

"That's where I'm going."

"Fantastic"

"You sound thrilled" He said, "So bitter and you don't even know me."

"Do you usually pick up girls on the side of the road?"

"Oh you know, just the occasional prostitute." He said and she gave him a weird look, "I'm joking."

"Uh-huh."

"So, Emma. Tell me about you."

"Why?"

"Because you're in my car and it'd be awkward to sit in silence?" He said it like a question, "Parents?"

"I have them."

"Job?"

"I have one."  
"I bet they love you during interviews." He said, "Boyfriend?"

"Pardon?"

"I believe you're the one who's supposed to be answering."

"No." She said softly. "Not that that's your business."

"I struck a cord. Bad ending?"

"What about you, you seeing anyone?" She asked quickly.

"I was married." He shrugged, that's when she noticed the gold band around his ring finger.

"Messy divorce?"

"She left me." he said softly, "for death."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you didn't kill her." He said with a tiny smile. Then it was quiet and she looked out the window, they were in town now. She watched the houses pass. "Where is your street?" He asked. She asked him to just stop at the corner and she'd walk the rest of the way, to which responded with a firm no and insisted upon pulling into her driveway. She reached for the door handle and he stopped her.

"No. Please allow me." He smiled and she rolled her eyes again as he got out and gracefully opened the door for her.

"I'm perfectly capable of opening a car door."

"I'm sure you are, however, I am a gentleman. So, deal with my opening doors for you."

"Thanks." She said and started to walk up to the house.

"Emma." He called for her, "You forgot something."

"What?"

"My number."

"Wow." She turned around to look at him, "was this your plan all along?" She realized then she didn't even have his name. She looked him over, dark hair cut at the perfect length, tight jeans and a black leather jacket. The bluest damn eyes she's ever seen in her life. He was hot. She'd give him that. "I don't even know your name."

"Killian Jones." He did this stupid bow that made her want to punch him in the face, "Pleased to make your acquaintance." She was annoyed and he saw it.

"I gotta go."

"So soon?"

"My _son_ is inside." She said as she turned, she just had to play the kid card. She hated using Henry like that, but it always scared guys away.

"Wonderful." He smiled, "I do like kids." She rolled her eyes, "Can't scare me away that easily, love."

" _Emma_." She corrected as she walked up to the house, she didn't stop or look back for any reason and soon she saw him pulling out of the driveway. The second the door closed her mom was on her.

"Who was that?" She asked innocently as she folded a blanket and draped it over the back of the couch.

"Just some guy." Emma said softly, "Henry asleep?"

"Yes. He had a very eventful day with David. He was so tired, fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow." She sighed, "but that's not what we're talking about."

"Mom, he just drove me home. I don't know if you noticed, but it's raining."

"Well that was nice of him. Did you thank him?"

"Duh." she was headed for the stairs.

"Was it a genuine thank you or was it one of your annoyed, thanks?"

"Mom." Emma said softly, "I said thank you." She didn't, but she didn't need to know that.

"I see you two were talking for a while. Anything interesting?"

"If the weather interests you." And with that, Emma mounted the carpeted stairs up to her bedroom. Her room was basically the only one with a variety of colors. Thick blue-gray curtains, her bed was draped in deep sea blues and whites, a red dresser at the other side of the hexagonal shaped bedroom, the closet didn't have a door, so she draped a bright yellow curtain over the entrance and left it at that. May not have looked nice, the red dresser stuck out like a sore thumb against the creamy white walls. But it worked and she liked it. He room was located at the very back of the house, a long stretch of a hallway, Her parents slept downstairs, next to the laundry room, which she hated because they gave her the largest bedroom. Her mom's reasoning being "privacy" but she never brought any boys home so she tried talking them into switching. No luck.

The wooden floorboards creaked under her feet and she flopped on her bed, thankful for the change of mattresses, it didn't squeak anymore and was a hell of a lot more comfortable than the old one she had, which was still leaning against the wall by her dresser because she was too lazy to move it. There was a soft knock at the door and her mom came in.

"Hey." She said softly, "Dinner is in the fridge."

"Thanks."

"Emma."

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I couldn't come get you."

"It's fine."

"It's not."

"Mom."

"I left you stranded." She sat on the end of Emma's bed, "What kind of mom does that?"

"Mom, you were busy, I'm a grown woman. I can walk." She propped herself up on her elbows. Her mom moved a piece of hair from her eye. Her hair had grown quite a bit, Emma didn't think she'd ever seen it this long before. Dark hair reaching for her shoulders. It was a nice change.

"I need to get this cut." She said softly, running her hand through it, "I don't know how people keep their hair so long. It's annoying."  
"The key is satin pillows." Emma shrugged, "gets less tangly in the morning."

* * *

She woke up, unaware of what time it was, kicking herself when she saw it was nearly noon. She needed to remember to leave one of her curtains open before she went to bed, since they trapped any and all sunlight from entering her room. She groaned and got up, floorboards creaking annoyingly under her feet as she went into the bathroom and brushed her hair and teeth. She was about to get in the shower when she heard the voices drift up from downstairs.

"Thank you so much for picking her up last night. I felt awful for not being able too." her mother said

"It was my pleasure." She stopped, eyes getting huge as she walked towards the closed door to hear better. He is not in her house right now. He is not in her house right now. "Is she always so irritable?"

"She's not a people person." Her mom sighed, "she's up now if you'd like to wait. I can hear her footsteps." She sucked in a breath. She didn't want to see him. He was...something. She was slow with her shower, hoping he'd leave by the time she was done. He didn't. She came down the stairs slowly and found him in the living room with her mom, looking at the pictures on the wall.

"This one is my favorite." he pointed at the picture on the wall. Emma in a tight long red dress, a slit up the thigh and a baby on her hip, red lips pressed to his cheek.

"That was at one of David's old friend's wedding about three years ago." She smiled, "She thought the dress was too...scandalous, but I thought she looked great."

"Stunning." He smiled, "Are you going to stand on the stairs the whole time, or are you going to at least come say hello, love?" He turned and so did her mom.  
"Emma, come down here." She smiled brightly and Emma walked slowly, trying not to look too annoyed with the fact he was in her house.

"Killian is working with your father down at the docks." She said.

"Fantastic."

"Isn't it?" He asked, "we should be leaving soon."

"I'll go tell David to hurry along, he's a bit sluggish today." And with that, her mother threw her a look before walking off. She wasn't going to tell him to hurry along.

"Hello."

"Hi."

"Did you just get up?" He asked and she stood far from him. She nodded and he tsked, "Swan."

"Shut up."

"Nah." He smiled at her and she leaned against the wall, stepping in her shoes and glaring when he stood looking at an old photograph of her. The one she hated, Ruby took it for her photography class. Emma only agreed to do it because she nagged for weeks. She was shirtless, her back turned, her hair loose, in front of a window in some sort of back-lighting shot. Hands tangled in the white curtains, her head turned just enough. Ruby wrote something on her back in black, "No means no." She hated that damn thing.

"Care to clarify?" He asked and she rolled her eyes.

"It was for a friend."

"Quite provocative. Don't you think?"

"For a class."

"Right." He looked at her now. "Have dinner with me." Before she could reject him, her parents came around the corner and he left with David.


	2. Chapter 2 Sickness

She didn't see him for three days after that. Good, he's annoying. Emma was walking home with a bag of food resting in the crook of her elbow. Ankle boots clicking against rain soaked streets and she didn't notice him at first but when she did, she nearly screamed.

"Did I scare you?" Killian asked, suddenly materializing beside her, "So sorry."

"You're not sorry."

"Lovely day for a walk, yes?"

"Yes." She said, " _alone_."

"Don't you know it's dangerous for a woman to be walking alone in the dark?" He asked, "Serial killers like the blonde ones." She rolled her eyes and started walking faster.

"I can take care of myself."

"I'm sure you can."

"Go home." She said loudly

"I am." He smiled, "we're block buddies." _Dammit._

"Fantastic."

"You sound thrilled, honestly Swan, why so bitter?"

"You're annoying."

"And you're churlish."

"What?"

"It's another word for b-"

"I know what it means."

"Then why'd you ask?"  
"Will you just go away?" She quickened her pace until she was almost jogging. He followed, just as quick. She groaned, "Seriously. Back off."

"Ruby was right." He said, "You're a mean one."

"You talked to Ruby?"

"We're friends."

" _Great._ "

"We could be friends."

"I don't want to be your friend."

"Why?"

"Because you're annoying."

"Is that the only word you can come up with?" He asked, "Let's see...I'm irritating, maddening, vexatious, tiresome, there's so many other words you could use and you choose annoying. Come on, you're better than that."

"Will you shut up?"

"Nah." He shrugged, "I find this entertaining."

"Why?"

"Women usually aren't this difficult to get."

"Is annoying the hell out of me supposed to make me like you?" She asked, "This how you got your wife?"

"No." He shrugged, "no, she came to me first."

"Surprising."

"You shouldn't bring a man's dead wife into this." Something about the way he said that made her feel awful. She sighed and stopped, turning to look at him. He was twisting the ring on his finger. Like he was suddenly aware it was still there. She bit her lip.

"I'm sorry…"

"No, it's alright." He said and then started walking again. This time she was catching up to him.

"I didn't mea-"

"It was years ago, Swan."

"I'm s-"

"Stop apologizing." He smiled, "It's annoying."

"That's my line."

"So sorry." He sighed.

"Uh...how did she...not that it's any of my business-"

"Skin cancer, metastasized to her brain."

"Oh god."

"I should have realized something was wrong sooner." He shrugged, "Hallucinating, talking to houseplants, seeing cars on the street and swerving only to realize there was nothing there."

"You couldn't have known."

"I didn't make her go to the hospital until it got so bad she couldn't hide it anymore."

"It's not your fault."

"Perhaps not." He said softly, "You know one of the many things she saw was you."

"What?"

"Well not you. But it looked like you."

"Is that why-"

"Why I keep trying to talk to you? No. I didn't even notice until after I met you."

"What?"

"Emma, I want to show you something." He smiled, "If you're up for it."

"Uh-"

"Come to my house."

"Pardon?"

"Don't worry, I won't try to seduce you." He winked, "Unless you want me too." She rolled her eyes.

"I can't."

"Why's that?"

"Family stuff."

"I'm sure they won't mind." He smiled, "It will only take a minute." Her mom definitely won't mind when she finds out who she's with. She wouldn't shut up about him. " _He's a nice guy, Emma_." and " _He likes you, give him a chance._ " Every five seconds. She sighed.

"I have to...drop this off." She said softly and reluctantly walked back to her house with him, "Stay outside." She told him as she headed for the door. Her mom smiled from the kitchen as she came in, setting the bag down on the table and walking away before any questions could be asked.  
"Emma, David will be back any minute. Eat with us." She said following her out of the kitchen.

"I'll be back soon." She said over her shoulder, "I have a thing." her dad came through the door.

"Why's Killian outside?" He asked as he stepped through the door.

"Emma?" Her mother questioned.

"Emma?"

"Are you going on a date?'  
"No." Emma said, "Absolutely not."

"A date?!" Her father looked at her, "You're going on a date?"

"No, I just said no."

"You can't wear that" Mary Margaret said softly

"What's wrong with this?" Emma asked looking over her jeans and leather jacket.

"You can't wear that on a date."

"It's not a date."

"Ooo, you should wear that blue dress I got you, you know the one with the ribbon."

"I like that one. You look very nice in it." Her father nodded.

"Aren't you supposed to be the, _don't go near my daughter_ , type of father?" Emma asked, "And I'm not changing, because it's not a date." She headed for the door.

"Should we wait up?" Her mom asked, she rolled her eyes and walked out.

* * *

His house was only a few houses down the street from hers and it was basically the same build, just different color walls and hardwood floors instead of carpet. He kept it dimly lit and it gave her a cozy feeling, being surrounded by dark blues and blacks and not being attacked by bright lights and cream colored furniture. He went up the stairs as soon as the door closed and made no motion for her to follow, so she stayed, looking around the house. She looked at the pictures on the wall by the door, just wedding photos. A woman with long dark hair that reached her waist, in a simple white gown. Looked like a relatively small wedding. She didn't notice the IV Stand beside the bride at first, decorated with white roses in an attempt to make her feel less sick, she assumed.

"She died a year and a half later," He said from beside her and she jumped, "Now, I have something to show you." He tapped the box in his hand, a shoe box that looked like it'd seen better days and gestured for her to sit on the couch. Emma sighed and sat down, he sat next to her, propping his feet up on his coffee table without a care in the world.

"Now, Milah." He said softly as he opened it, "was an artist."

"She was?"

"Yes, her doctors thought it would be helpful if she sketched out her hallucinations. Really they just wanted to see what part of her brain was deteriorating fastest, but that's not the point."

"So, these a-"

"These are some." He nodded, "I don't know why I kept them. Do be careful handling them. Some are fading." He pulled a few pieces of paper from the box and flipped them over, "She likes painting more than just sketching things out and being done with it. Paint won't fade or rub off when you touch it." He shooked his head, "Liked. She liked. Past tense, she's dead." He corrected himself.

"So, what am I looking at?" Emma asked, it was blop, a bunch of lines and circles drawn within each other.

"That's Lector."

"Lector?"

"He was mean. She'd scream at him for hours about morals and human decency."

"Uh-"

"That was when the cancer got really bad and she couldn't really...use her hand well enough to, you know."

"Oh." He took it from her

"This is what I wanted to show you." He said softly, handing her a piece of paper, laminated so it wouldn't get ruined. "It's one of the few she colored in."

"Hm." She flipped it over and nearly fell over, "You're messing with me."

"I'm not."

"No, you definitely are."

"I promise. Check the date." He said softly. She ran her hand over it, a drawing of a girl who looked too much like Emma to be coincidental. A woman with blonde curls, green eyes and the red dress she wore to that wedding her mother made her go to. The one he said she looked stunning in. No wonder he was looking at it so closely. Her hair was even styled exactly the same way Emma had it that day. She checked the date, nearly four years ago.

"This is…"

"It's creepy, you can say it."

"It's really creepy."

"She didn't have a name. Milah said I'd find out one day. Which just makes it creepier. Hallucination Emma would convince her to not fight the doctors and let them help." He shrugged. "So, thank you tumor Emma."

"Uh…"  
"It's okay to freak out."

"Good, because I am." She said softly

"Don't worry. I almost had a heart attack when I saw that picture of you."

"I don't blame you." She sighed, "There has to be some explanation. Did you guys go to a wedding or something?"

"Nope." He shook his head, "We didn't know anyone getting married."

* * *

Emma came home to her mother in the kitchen drinking hot cocoa, two cups set out, one for her and one for Emma.

"Hey." She smiled when she walked through the door, "Emma?"

"What?"

"Honey, what's wrong?" She got up, setting her mug down and walking over, she cupped her face in her hands, "Emma?"

"Uh. I'm tired." She turned away and headed for the stairs.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, I'm just going to go to bed."

"Emma."

"Mom."

"Did...did he do something?"

"No." She said softly, "It wasn't him."


	3. Chapter 3 Shut Up and Kiss Me

"So, his wife sketched you?" Elsa asked softly, "That's just weird."

"She hallucinated a person who looked just like me." Emma said softly, "I can't think of why." She rolled on her back on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Elsa shrugged.

"Maybe you met before and you can't remember."

"Maybe."

"Anyways, is that all you guys did while you were over?" She asked a suggestive look in her eyes. Emma sighed.

"Is that all you and Ruby think about?"

"I'm just curious."

"Nothing happened."

"That's a bummer."

"It's really not." Emma said softly, "Nothing will ever happen."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Elsa."

"What? I'm just saying, the guys determined." Elsa flopped down, lying on her back beside Emma and sighing, "See's what he wants and doesn't stop until he gets it."

"Yeah well, I'm just as determined to not let anything happen."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?" Elsa asked again, "because of what happened with Neal?"

"I don't wan-"

"Emma, he's not coming back. It's been four years, let him go."

"What if he does come back?" She asked it softer than she intended. She sounded like a wounded bird, a small child, a broken hearted and pregnant teenage girl. Elsa just looked at her like she was broken and stroked Emma's blonde curls. She'd known Ruby and Elsa since Mary Margaret brought her home, like a stray cat left in the rain. They were quick to become friends with her, sticking with Emma even when she was unnecessarily cold to them. Elsa hated Neal, said he wasn't good for her when he was around. Tried not to say, "I told you so" when he left.

"He won't come back, Em." She said softly, sadly, "Not if he knows what's good for him."

"Do you think he ever loved me?"

"I think he thought he did."  
"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean he loved you until things got hard. He thought he loved you, or maybe he never did. Emma, he's gone. He's not coming back. You need to move on." Elsa bit her lip, "Remember what you told Anna? After that whole thing with Hans?"

"No."  
"You said, don't let one guy control the rest of your life, even when they're not in it."

"Oh."

"Be your own person, Emma. Neal has no control over your heart." Elsa said softly, "You wanna go on dates? Go on dates. You wanna have slutty one night stands? Go have slutty one night stands. Use protection, of course, safety first." Emma laughed.

"My mother will love that."

"I'm serious, Emma."

"I know, that's why I'm laughing." She sat up, "You're encouraging me to go have slutty one night stands. How crazy is that?"

"I said go on dates too, but hey."

"I have Henry." She said softly, "I think he's all I need right now."

"Right now."

"Elsa-"

"Until, you need something more than a four year old cuddling up to you in bed." She shrugged, "Graham's available."

"He's like seven years older than me."

"So? Experienced."

"Good god." Emma rolled her eyes and flopped back down, "All you and Ruby think about is sex."

"If Ruby were here she'd tell you the same thing." Elsa sat up and started fixing her braid. Emma jumped when her phone started to ring.

"Mom?" She asked when she answered.

"Emma, you need to come to the diner, right now."

"Why?"

"It's urgent, get down here, quickly."

"Okay…"

"I'll order onion rings for you." Her mother said softly before hanging up and Emma got up.

"What was that about?"

"I don't know." Emma said softly, "I'll be right back." She tugged on her shoes and ran out the door.

* * *

She tried not to think about it, that damn drawing. How eerie it made her feel, how creepy it was. She tried to think back to years before she ended up with the Nolans, there had to be some reason Milah looked familiar to her. She didn't find any reason, she never met the woman but there had to be a reason. There had to be.

The diner was nearly empty, late night, Ruby already had her order ready, anticipating Emma's arrival. Her mother called about something urgent.

"Where's-"

"She spilled something on her shirt so she went into the washroom." Ruby said softly, pushing her cocoa towards her on the counter. Emma nodded and took it, who was watching Henry? She turned when she heard her son's soft giggle. There he sat in a booth with Killian, a book on the table, their plates pushed to the side. So, that was the urgent matter Emma needed to take care of. She hated her mom sometimes.

"Uh...what are you-"

"Swan, hello." He smiled at her, "just showing Henry the world of Peter Pan." He stood, "Your mother-"

"I know where she is." Emma said softly, an unexpected edge to her voice. Some reason it irritated beyond belief that her mom left her son with him.

"Have I done something wrong, love?" He stood.

"Emma."

"Emma." He said her name softly and she pretended not to notice how her stomach did a little flip, "I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, thank you for not leaving him alone." Emma bit her lip and set her cup down, she saw Ruby watching them in the corner of her eye, a smirk on her red lips as she washed down the counter. "You're not wearing your ring." She said suddenly and his hand went to his finger, shrugging.

"I figured it was time to take it off." He sighed sadly, "Besides, damn thing was starting to hurt. Too many donuts." He winked and she smiled a small smile. How he was able to joke after watching his wife disappear in front of him was beyond her. She still found herself wanting to sleep on the bathroom floor with a bottle of vodka and Neal wasn't even _dead._

"You should go on a date with me." He said softly

"Uh…I don't thin-"

"There's this really nice restaurant down town."

"I'm busy…" She said softly, glancing at Henry, who was watching them, tiny mind not yet able to wrap his head around what they were talking about. "With…"

"I understand." He smiled and then took a step towards her, Ruby was clearing their table, too slowly, an obvious excuse to eavesdrop on them. "Another time then."

"...I don-" She was backing away, until she hit a table and he didn't stop, hands cupping her face gently and then his lips pressed to hers. It was soft, sweet, the kind of kiss her mom gave her dad before he left for work in the mornings. It was over as soon as it started and Ruby nearly dropped the plates as she gaped at them.

"Why...did you do that?" Emma asked softly, barely audible. He shrugged.

"See ya later, Swan." He said as he left the diner.

"Oh my god." Ruby was breathless, " _Oh my godddd._ " She was nearly jumping up and down, "Duuuuudeee!"

"Why did he do that?"

"GO AFTER HIM"

"No."

"Emma!" Ruby squeaked, " _Goooo_." Emma sighed and walked out of there, for whatever reason she was pissed. Why would he do that? Why would he do that in front of her son? She was headed towards him, feet slamming angrily against the rain soaked street. The closer she got the more angry she became.

"HEY!" She shouted and when he turned, she slapped him, "What the hell!?"  
"Don't hold back, love." He said, a smirk on his lips. He enjoyed that more than he should have.

"What is the matter with you!" She shoved him, hard and he stumbled just a little bit. He was finding this amusing. "This is not funny!"

"It kind of is, love."

" _EMMA!_ " She shrieked, "My name is _Emma_!"

"So sorry."

"You can't just walk up to whoever you want and-"

"Emma."

"WHAT!?"

"You're cute when you're angry." He smiled, that stupid smile that made her heart flip and she wanted to punch him, until he had no teeth left.

"You're infuriating!"

"Hey, new word!" He said happily, "Look at you, Swan, you're learning."

"Why did you kiss me?"

"That wasn't a kiss, _please._ " He waved a hand dismissively, "I'd kiss my mother like that."

"Go kiss your mom, not me!" She shouted and turned away, fed up.

"She's dead, Swan." He said, he still smiled though, "Has been for quite awhile." She turned back to him.

"St-"

"And, Miss Swan, when I do kiss you, you'll be more than willing." He winked, "See, that was just for fun. A way to get you riled up. Now you're wondering what the real thing would be like."

"You-"

"You scowl now, but it's working I can see it." He turned away, "I do apologize if I overstepped."

" _If_ you overstepped!?"

"You're angry now, but it will subside." He said, "Have a good night, Swan." He walked off.

"I hate you!" She shouted. She did, she really hated the guy, hated the way he walked and talked and hated his blue eyes, hated the fact that she remember how soft his lips were. She hated the fact she couldn't stop thinking about how they'd feel on her neck. She hated how his plan was _working._


	4. Chapter 4 Confide

Ruby wouldn't shut up about what happened and the second her mother found out she was crashing through Emma's bedroom door.

"You could knock, that's a thing." Emma muttered, smoothing Henry's hair down. Her mother gave her this knowing smile, she didn't ask why she was looking at her like that. She already knew.

"Emmaaaa." She smiled as she sat on the edge of the bed, smoothing the sheet down and sighing.

"Don't start."

"He likes you."

"I don't care."

"You do." She smiled brightly, "It's all over your face."

"Can we not…"

"Emma, this is good."

"No." She shook her head, "It's not. If it had been anyone else you'd be telling me to get a restraining order." Henry said something softly, she didn't hear him. He was sick, so he probably didn't even know what he said.

"He kissed you."

"Yeah. Completely out of nowhere. A violation of personal space." Emma shrugged, "It wasn't some romantic gesture, it was to make me angry."

"Em-"

"He admitted it."

"Wh-"

"Henry is sick, I'm trying to make him feel better, talking about a man who can't understand the word no, is not helping the boy."

"Are you going with Ruby tonight?"

"Did you not hear me?"

"I can take care of him."

"I'm his mother. It's my job." She said softly. Her mother sighed, giving her this sad look, like she was a puppy who'd just been kicked.

"When's the last time you went out?"

"I don't know. I don't want to. I'll make it up to her."

"It's her birthday."  
"I'll get a her a present."

"You said that last year."

"Mom."

"Emma." She folded her arms over her chest and stood, "You're going. Thats final, Henry will be fine."

"Please don't make me."

"I'm making you."

"I think you forgot I'm a grown woman who can make her own decisions."

"Not under my roof." She smiled and got up, holding Henry in her arms, "Henry and I will be watching movies while you go have fun."  
"I hate you."

"I know."

"EMMA!" Ruby came up the stairs and threw herself down on the mattress, brown hair fanning out on her sheets, she rolled on her stomach and propped her head up on her elbows.

"Ruby."  
"I'm here to help you pick an outfit."  
"Oh god."

"It'll be fun." She smiled all red lips and straight teeth. "Got anything slutty?"

"Why would I-"  
"ELSA!" Ruby shouted. Emma rolled her eyes.

Something about going out with her friends while her child was at home sick, felt wrong. She didn't have a choice, Ruby basically dragged her out of the house and to the new bar at the other end of town. The last thing she wanted to be doing right now was drink.

"So, wait…" Elsa picked up her glass, "He kissed you?"

"It wasn't even a kiss." Emma muttered.

"His lips touched yours. Emma, stop denying it." Ruby smirked, "You totally liked it."

"I did not."

"You diiiiddd."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Elsa asked, "I need caught up, what happened?"

"He just walked up to her and kissed her."

"Had no understanding of personal space."

"It was wonderful." Ruby clapped her hands together.

"Can we stop talking about this now?" Emma asked, she really just wanted to go home or out of town. Somewhere she wouldn't be badgered about a kiss she didn't want. She ended up drinking more than she was comfortable with. Ruby shoving drinks at her with a soft "live a little." She left Elsa and Ruby at the bar while they chatted up some guy and went to find somewhere quiet enough she could make a phone call.

"I need...you to come get me." She said softly

"Are you okay?" Her mom asked over the phone, "Emma?"

"I can't drive."

"Emma, I can't bring a child into a bar and David is still at the station."

"Grand." She said sarcastically, "I'll walk or something, I don't know."

"You're not walking, just...sit tight. I'll call someone."

"Okay…" She hung up. She slid to the floor, taking her mother's advice a little too seriously. She didn't even realize she was in the men's bathroom, the room was spinning and she wasn't paying attention, nor did she care. So, when someone was lifting her up and pressing her against the wall, she was too out of it to really do anything about it.

"Hey...she's like really drunk." He laughed, toying with the zipper of her dress, "She's just looking for a good time."

"Stop that." She pushed him, his friends joining in on the fun. Squeezing her thigh and shoving their hands down her dress. She shoved them away again, this time her fist closing and slamming into someone's eyes. He stumbled and went at her again, but the door opened and she slid back to her place on the floor.

"Hey." A familiar voice called and then they were being pulled away, "Keep your hands off of her." He said and then just like that they were on the ground, nose bleeding, jaw snapping and Emma was gently being pulled off the ground, cradled in someone's arms.

"Hey Killian, when'd you get here?" She asked softly

"Right on time, apparently." He said, carrying her out of the bar and to his car.

"They didn't hurt me."

"They could have." He said softly as he set her down and opened the car door, "Let's get you home."

"Okay." She nodded as he helped her in the car. He buckled her in, despite her protest that she could do it herself.

* * *

It was three in the morning by the time he got her home. Her mother was waiting by the door.

"Is she okay?" She asked as he walked her inside.

"She's okay."  
"Her room is upstairs, I'll get her some water." Her mom said softly as she went into the kitchen.

"Well, Swan, this is not how I wanted to see your bedroom."

"Hey. No, none of that…" she must have forgotten what she was going to say as she kicked off her shoes and started walking up the stairs, she would have fallen down them if he wasn't next to her, helping her walk. "Thank yoooouuu." She said when they reached her room and she threw open the door. "This stupid dress is too tight." She whined as she yanked the zipper down and he gaped.

"Emma, what are you doing?" He asked turning away as she slid the tiny black dress Elsa gave her, off. She shrugged.

"Taking my clothes off?" She raised her eyebrow, "Pfffft. What's the matter? Never seen a woman in her underwear before?"

"Just...cover yourself." He wasn't looking at her and she threw her dress at him, giggling.

"You're such a gentleman." She laughed and flopped down on her bed, pulling the blanket over herself, "Covered."

"You're trashed."

"Blame Ruby." She smiled, "She kept giving me drinks, what was I supposed to do?" She shrugged, "They're called _drinks_ , for a reason." He nodded.

"Yeah...okay, I'm going to leave now, go to sleep."  
"Hey, you can't just leave."

"What?"

"Stay and talk to meeee."

"Emma-"

" _Killian_." She got up and he quickly turned away as she opened her closet, reaching around to unclasp her bra. He had to get the hell out of here. She threw it at him, all ribbons and red lace and good god her underwear probably matched. _Do not turn around._ He quickly turned when he heard a loud thud, she was pulling on a large T-shirt and laughing.

"I knocked over my hairbrush." She giggled as she bent to get it. Yep her underwear matched.

"Emma, I-"

"Oh my godddd" She said, "Look…" she held up an old bag of chips and laughed, "How long has that been under there?"

"Emma, you need to-"

"Hey, sit down." She said.

"What?"

" _Pleaaassseeee_ " she stuck out her bottom lip and she looked adorable, he sighed and sat on the floor next to her, their backs against her bed.

"You win."

"Yay." She smiled and he couldn't tell if she was meaning to lean on him or if she couldn't control it. His eyes skimmed over her bare legs, the small bruises forming on her thighs. That should not have happened, they should not have touched her.

"They didn't hurt me." She said softly

"I should have gotten there sooner."

"Nooo. I should not have been in the men's room." She said, leaning her head against his shoulder, "Did my mom call you?"

"Yes."

"I knew she would."

"How perceptive." He said softly.

"You smell like cigarettes."

"Funny, I don't smoke."

"My nose says otherwise."

"Well it's a liar." He said softly and she hummed her response. "Swan you-"

"Ssssh." She shushed him.

"You're so drunk, it's-"

"Irresponsible."

"I was going to say cute." He laughed, "You deserve to have fun, Emma."

"You're soft…" She said softly, "and warm…"

"I think someone needs to go to sleep." He said and when he went to get up, she weaved her arm through his and pulled him back down.

"Don't get up."

"I can't really move now...sooo." He sighed. She curled into his side and he rested the urge to hold her and press her body to him.

"I like talking to you." She said softly

"I like talking to you too."

"I'm surprised you're not hitting on me."

"You're drunk, I'd be taking advantage. I don't do that."

"Not even a little?" She asked, "Because you're like one hundred times more attractive to me right now and I'd be up for anything." He shifted.

"Don't tease me, Swan."

"Why do you even like me?" She asked, pulling back enough to look at him, green eyes peering into his blue ones. He shrugged.

"I find you intriguing, you're like a puzzle I can't quite figure out." He smiled, "You're also really hot…" She laughed. She suddenly got serious.

"What if…"

"What if, what?"

"What if I'm not enough?" She asked softly

"What makes you say that?" He asked, her grip on him loosened.

"I wasn't enough for him, what makes you think I'd be enough for you?" She said softly and he looked at her. There was so much pain in the swirling greens of her eyes and he wanted to kiss her until it went away. She likely wouldn't be telling him this is she were sober. She wouldn't even remember telling him at all.

"What did he do to you?" He asked softly, "To make you think you're not worthy of being wanted?"

"I have to sleep." She whispered and jumped up, climbing into bed. He got up and grabbed a marker off her dresser.  
"Hand." He said and she stretched her arm out, already half asleep. "Swan, you are worth every penny. And I'm going to make it my mission to make sure you know that." He said softly and she groaned her reply. He smiled as he penned the quote Milah drilled into his head over and over onto the pale skin of her wrist.

" _Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth_.

He's an idiot, Swan. -K."

He set a glass of water and some aspirin on her nightstand before turning the lights off and leaving.

* * *

A/N: Heeeyyy, I will be updating _Miss Swan_ at some point either this week, **_maybe_** Friday, or next week. I didn't give up, I'm working on it. Gotta do some research, don't hurt me. I'm also working on the companion piece to _Maybe_ , which will be Emma's point of view. It's taking a while but it'll be up at some point, **_again_** , either this week, or next. I'm also a little sick so, if I don't update for awhile I'm probably swimming in a vortex of agony. Okay? Okay. :) Thanks for reading guys.


	5. Chapter 5 No Pretense

The sun hurt her eyes and she had a throbbing headache, didn't take long for her to notice the pills and glass of water by her bed. She promptly took them and tried to make herself look less miserable as Henry launched himself into her bed, talking fast about the chocolate pancakes David cooked this morning and how he was sad she was too sick to come eat with them. She nodded along to his little ramblings all while trying to figure out how the hell she managed to get home last night.

"How'd you sleep?" her mom smiled from the open door of her bedroom.

"I don't remember." She said as she fell back against the pillows.

"Did you have fun?"

"I don't remember."

"Hm, well, I can heat up breakfast in the microwave for you if you want." She smiled, "Henry is feeling a lot better today."  
"I can tell." Emma smiled as she ruffled up his hair and laughed when he made a face.

"Mommy, did you get a tattoo?"

"What?" Emma asked, "Where?"

"There."

"What is that?" Mary Margaret asked softly and Emma turned her wrist over, her stomach doing a little flip flop when she saw what was written there.

"Who brought me home last night?"  
"Killian. Why?" She straightened, tilting her head.

"Henry, go down stairs." Emma said softly and he did, running passed her mom and down the stairs. "Where's my pants?" She questioned throwing the blanket of herself and standing.

"Emma…" Her mother's eyes went wide, "What happened?"  
"What?"

"You're covered in bruises." She looked down and sure enough she was covered in small reddish purple marks like fingerprints on the inside of her thighs. Her stomach did that flip again.

"When he brought me home, was I alone with him?" She asked softly

"Yes."

"How long?"

"Emma, he wouldn't-"

"I was drunk, you left me alone with him, there's bruises on my legs and my hips, he kissed me without consent once, and he will not leave me alone. So, I'm going to ask you again, how long did you leave me alone with him?"

"An hour, if that." She shifted, "Emma...he wouldn't do that, I-"

"Only takes a few minutes." She whispered, she ripped open her closet and grabbed some clothes before walking to the bathroom, "Only takes a few minutes." She said it again, shaking now. God if he did do something. She didn't know what she'd do, lord help him if her father found out. Emma sighed and started scrubbing that stupid note off her wrist first, what possessed him to write it? Did he leave a note on every girl he took advantage of? She took a shower quickly and then ate something, trying to calm her nerves as she grabbed her jacket and left. Really the more she thought about it, the more angry she got. Why would he do that? To think for a second she thought he was different. No, he was like every other ass-hat who saw a drunk woman and thought " _hm, must be my lucky night."_

She walked down the street quickly, her headache fading slowly, she didn't have a destination, just let her feet carry her. She didn't even notice him fall into step beside her.

"Beautiful day, Swan, I'm surprised you're up." Killian had the nerve to smile at her. She resisted the urge to punch him and decided to just speed up her pace.

"Leave me alone." She snapped but he kept following her, so she whirled around and slapped him. He stepped back.

"Someone is not a morning person." He said simply, wiping at the blood on his lip, "You want to tell me why you did that?"

"Stay away from me."

"Swan."

"Go away." She hissed and sped up her pace again, he still followed, genuinely confused as he jogged ahead of her and grabbed her shoulders.

"Emma."

"Don't touch me." He let her go.

"Did I do something wrong, love?" He asked, stepping back in front of her when she attempted to go around him.

"I don't know, did you?"

"I don't think I've ever been more confused in my life." She stepped back.

"I have to go." She said softly.

"Hey," he grabbed her wrist and spun her around when she tried to leave, "you're upset, I can see that. I don't know why."

"You're an idiot."

"Am I?"

"You took advantage." She ripped her arm out of his hand, "Maybe next time you should abstain from leaving marks."

"What?" He asked, he looked at her for a minute and then his expression changed, "Okay, no. Emma, listen."

"What?"

"I did not do that to you."

"Okay." She said it sarcastically as she turned to walk off. He got in front of her again, grabbing her shoulders gently.

"I did not do that to you." He said it firmly, "Are you listening? I would _never_ hurt you."

"Where'd the-"

"I found you being...groped in the men's room at the bar you were at last night. I stopped them from doing anything worse."

"You did?"

"Yeah." She looked at him, he was telling the truth, she shifted and stepped away from him, "You did come onto me though." He smirked.

"Surprised you didn't take the offer."  
"A drunk yes means a sober no. I didn't didn't touch you, Swan, I wouldn't do that. I got a call, I picked you up, I helped you into bed and then I left." He shrugged, "You want to take back that slap now?"

"I'm sorry…" She said softly, "I just thought-"

"That I was like every other asshole? No, Swan, you never touch someone if they're drunk, man or woman. I always thought it was common sense."

"I'm sorry."

"If you were really sorry, you'd go on a date with me."

"Really? This again?"

"Swan."

"How many times do I have to say n-"

"Until you say yes."

"You're really not going to stop? You know some would call that harassment."

"I call it determination." He smiled, "I am willing to forget this whole foolish accusation thing if you go on one date with me."

"Killian."

"Swan." She ran a hand through her hair, "Okay how about this, you go out with me and we won't call it a date."

"So like...a friendly thing?"

"One where two people are attracted to each other but one party won't admit it."

"I don't thin-"

"Wow Swan, can't even give a man a simple friendly outing. They told me you'd be difficult," He said, "Didn't think you'd be this difficult."

"Hey."

"It's the truth and you know it."

"If I say okay too this...will you stop?" She asked. He thought about it.

"I make no guarantees."

"You're annoying."

"No, just strong willed." He winked, "And we've talked about this. There are so many other words to use other than annoying. Really, Swan, pick up a dictionary."

"You're also mean."

"Says the girl who just slapped me for no reason."

"I had a reason."

"Ah yes, false accusation was it?"

"Shut up."

"No."

"Why are you like this?"

"My mother did drugs while she was pregnant with me."

"Oh my god."

"Not really." He smiled, "You're so gullible."

"And you're annoying."

" _Again_ with the annoyance."

"Because you're a-"

"If you call me annoying again, I'll kiss you."

"You're _irritating._ "

"I should be offended that worked." He said and she laughed. "Anyways, Swan, answer me. You can't distract me. Go out with me, just once. That's all I'm asking, who knows maybe you'll have fun!"

"The last time someone told me to go out and have fun I ended up being unwillingly groped in a men's room."

"I promise you, any and all groping will be willing." He winked.

"I think I'll pass."

"Swan, I will wait as long as it takes."  
"Really?"

"Yes."

"Even days?" She asked

"Yes,"

"Months?"

"Yep."

"Years?" She said and he nodded.

"I'm notorious for being patient." He said softly, "something tells me you're worth it."

"I'm really not."

"No." He said, "There will be none of that belittling of yourself when I'm around." He patted the top of her head, "Now, please. Emma, what is the worst that can happen if you give in?" _For starters you can wake up one day and decide you don't want me anymore._ She didn't say it outloud but the way he was looking at her, joking smile gone, a sudden seriousness she wasn't used to getting from him. He knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Emma." He said softly, "I'm sure you hear this all the time, but I'm not like the others or the other, I won't just get up and leave."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

"You ca-"

"You can keep pushing me away, slamming doors in my face, and slapping me on the streets. I won't leave, I'm in your life now, you can't get rid of me. You can't scare me away." He smiled as he looked at his watch, "Meet me at the docks at six thirty, any later and I'll come get you. Maybe have a lovely conversation with your mommy."

"I didn't say yes."

"Didn't say no either." He was walking away from her.

"I hate you!"

"Hate is a strong word, love, you should be careful with it." He laughed and she just stood there, on the sidewalk, wondering what the hell just happened.

* * *

"It's not a date." Emma said it again, for the hundredth time. Ruby smirked from Emma's bed, stretched out on her back, spewed across it, leaving Elsa with little room.

"It's a dateee." Elsa said in a teasing tone, "Emma's going on a daaatttee"

"I am not."

"Lies." Ruby said, "Totally a date." She opened the drawer on the bedside table and peered in, "Dude where's your condoms?"

"What?"  
"I want my girl protected." Ruby shrugged, "Mary Margaret!"

"We're not going on a date, I don't nee-"

"What is it?" Her mother asked as she peered in. Ruby smiled sweetly.

"Got any condoms?" Her mother blushed.

"W-why?"

"For Emma."

"Ruby!" Emma gaped, "I don't need them!"  
"You're right," She nodded, "Killian has some. He's smart."

"Killian?" Her mother arched a brow and then realization hit her face."Oh."

"It's no-"

"Emma has a date!" She shouted excitedly and then ran down the stairs and Emma ran a hand over her face.

"I love your mom." Elsa laughed.

"You should wear the really cute black dress I got you."

"It's not a date."

"But you look hot in it."

"Not a date."

"Your boobs are like _bam_." Ruby made a gesture with her hands to signify how big she was talking, "Okay, at least wear some sexy undergarments."  
"I'm not doing that."

"What if you get wet? He'll see your bra through your shirt, you really wanna be wearing a bra you got from...a sketchy secondhand store? Come on."  
"Why would I-"

"Shit happens." She shrugged. Emma sighed and checked the clock. She had one hour.

"I have an hour before I have to meet him, so, what do you wan-"

"You can't wear that."

"I can."

"Emmmmaaaa."  
"I'm wearing this, that's final." She said firmly. Elsa flopped back against the pillows.

"Okay if you're going to wear jeans at least put a different pair on."

"Why?"

"Those don't do your ass justice." Ruby said softly, Elsa nodded in agreement. She rolled her eyes.

"I hate both of you."

"That's Emma Swan language for, I love you."

"It's not." She shook her head, but laughed nonetheless. She loved them, she did. They could just be a little...much sometimes.

"Oh my god." Elsa said suddenly.

"What?"

"He has a brother." She nodded like she was just remembering it, "Yeah. I think he...did he die?"

"Well this just got grim." Ruby muttered, "Ask David. DAVID!" She shouted and up the stairs her father came.

"What?" He asked, peeking in the open doorway.

"Does Killian have a brother?"

"Yep."

"Is he dead?"

"No. Who told you that?" He asked, genuine confusion flashing on his face.

"No one."

"Okaaay." He nodded slowly, "Hey, Em, good luck on that date."

"Not a date!"

"Oh. Yeah. Your mother wanted me to...give these to you." He crossed the room awkwardly and handed her two condoms and her face got hot.

"I am going to throw myself out the window."

"Don't do that!" Ruby exclaimed, "can't use em if you're dead." He left the room and Emma threw the condoms at Ruby.

"I hate all of you."

"Hey do me a favor tonight."

"I'm afraid to ask what"

"Ask Killian for his brothers number." Ruby winked and Elsa gave her a weird look, "What? There's a Killian look alike running around, and I'm gonna find him."

"You're weird."

"It's really my best feature." She nodded. Emma ran a hand through her hair.

"What if he's married?"

"She doesn't have to know."

" _Ruby_." Elsa scolded, "Don't sleep with married people."

"Okay, mom." Emma laughed and the room fell silent, why did she all of a sudden feel nervous? It wasn't a date, right?

* * *

A/N: I'll be updating Miss Swan tomorrow (maybe) so be on the lookout.  
Up next: _Date-but-not-really-kinda-sorta-date-thing._


	6. Chapter 6 And So it Goes

Emma ended up getting there late, Ruby and Elsa forcing her to change something, despite it not being a date. She wore a white sweater and that's as good as it was going to get. He met her halfway, staying true to his promise of going to retrieve her if she didn't show up on time. She groaned.

"I'm sorrrryy." She said when he scolded her. "Ruby and Elsa were being weird."

"Is that so?" He smirked, "Weird how?"

"You don't want to know." She said softly as she fell into step beside him, "What are we doing?"

"I have nothing planned."

"Wow, you're awesome."

"Thank you, love. I did, however, get you a present."

"You got me a-" he shoved a bag in her face and she couldn't help but laugh. She didn't even notice he had it. She grabbed it, it was heavy. She could see it was a book.

"Why did you get-"

"Just open it."

"Fine." She said and took it out, "You got me a dictionary?"

"Yes and I marked the pages with all the synonyms for annoying, read up, Swan."

"You're a jerk."

"That's in there too."

"I hate you." She said but smiled anyways.

"Thank you is also an acceptable answer."

"Thanks." She said placing the dictionary back in the bag and sighing. "Where are you taking me?"

"Would a cage in a basement be the wrong response?"

"I'd have to hurt you, so…"

"Just walk with me, talk with me, Swan."

"That what you told Milah on your first date?"

"No, and did you just admit this was a date?"  
" _NO_ " she said it quickly, blushing and he just smiled.

"Man, I wish I'd have known. Would have planned something." He smirked, "You're cute when you blush." He winked at her and she wanted to hit him, because that just made it worse. "And Milah and I broke into someone's backyard and swam in their pool while they were away on vacation on our first date. Feel like doing that?"

"I don't have a sw-"

"Don't need one."

" _That's_ not going to happen."

"You are not a fun person, why do I like you?" He asked as they walked, "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Left it at home."

"Wonderful. To the docks." He grabbed her wrist and pulled her along. They got there and she really didn't know why they were there. She looked around, what was he planning?

"So...uh...what are we-"

"Why do you need a plan for everything, love? Why can't you just let life happen?"

"Isn't that deep."

"Why thank you." He smirked, "Now, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know you brought me here." She said, her shoes made a loud noise on the wood of the dock they stood on. She realized he was light on his feet, lighter than she was. No wonder she never heard him when he walked up to her. Damn man basically glided.

"You're no fun." He walked up to her, grabbing her shoulders. Her back faced the water now.

"You're annoying."

"I gave you a dictionary, how about you use it."

"Jerk."

"Oh, I'm a jerk." He smiled and got so close to her, she had to back away, just for him to do it again, until she was on the edge. "You know, what would make me even more of a jerk?"

"What?" She asked, her stomach twisting. He better not. He shrugged.

"This." And with that, he gave a hard shove, but she latched onto him and they both fell in. She tried not to laugh, but she did. The water was colder than she thought it was, but it was late spring, it wasn't very warm out right now.

"You asshole!" She shouted but he just laughed.

"Gee, I hope you can swim." He said with a smile. God, she hated him. She rolled her eyes. She wasn't an olympic swimmer or anything, but she knew how to keep herself from at least drowning. Most of the foster families (all) didn't have swimming pools and she only ever swam when David and Mary Margaret took her in.

"I can't believe you did that!"  
"Swan, I'm a horrible person. Of course I'd do that." She rolled her eyes and splashed him, which started something. He'd splash back and she'd do it again. Pretty soon it was an all out war. It went on for what seemed like hours of just laughing and fighting and petty arguing. Soon they were just laying on the dock, staring at the sky, stars out and twinkling. They were dripping wet and she was kind of cold, but it was okay. He was gone suddenly, they were laughing and joking and then all of a sudden he was gone. Thoughts taking over and he was looking up.

"Killian…" She said softly, "What are you thinking about?"

"Milah."

"You miss her." She whispered, she sometimes forgot, it baffled her, really, to see he could joke and be happy one second and then grief stricken and broken the next.

"All the time." He said softly, "never really stops."

"I'm sorry."

"I'll be fine."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about my dead wife while a beautiful blonde woman lies next to me?" He asked, he didn't look at her though. She shrugged.

"I'm a good listener." She said softly.

"The last day she was alive, she was lucid for a little while, you know? She didn't hallucinate at all that day and her scans were all coming back good. I thought maybe it was finally over and we could…"

"What happened?"

"She started having seizures. She never had them that much, the medication kept them controlled. But that day she just...had so many. I wasn't even there with her. Liam got me out of there. Said if I stayed any longer people would think I'm part of the staff. I came back and she was fine, but then she wasn't fine and they took her into surgery." He shrugged, "The doctor said it was an easy fix. She'd hit her head during one of the seizures and they had to fix a small brain bleed."

"What happened."

"She went in at eleven thirty-two on a Thursday, she was dead by eleven forty-five."

"I'm sorry...really, Killian."

"It doesn't get any easier. Does it?"

"I don't know…"

"It doesn't hurt when you're around, for some reason, you make it stop." He said it softly and there was no joking in his tone, just seriousness, honesty. "I'm not trying to freak you out."

"You're not."

"I feel like we've met before."

"I don't think s-"

"In an alternate universe, maybe. Milah was always talking about things like that. How there were all these better versions of ourselves and bad versions. They were in other realms and I used to think it was really weird, how she always reminded me of it, that no matter what we do there's always a version of us that does something similar to change the outlook of certain things." He shrugged, "Maybe you seem so familiar to me because there's a version of us that met in some alternate universe somewhere. Maybe that's why she sketched you, because we knew you, but we didn't know you." She didn't say anything, she wasn't used to this. Wasn't used to him being so serious, being so honest. Telling her things he probably never told other people, because it sounded crazy, but it didn't sound crazy.

"You know, I never told anyone this." He said softly, "But when she died I felt..relieved. I was sad, yes, devastated, but god, so relieved." He wasn't looking at her and it seemed like he never would, but she was looking at him, turning her head.

"I get it." She whispered, "She was sick."

"It wasn't that, I was so exhausted taking care of her. Telling her the things she was seeing wasn't real, there was never anything there. Holding her down when she'd have seizure in the middle of the night, making sure she took her medication, driving her to her chemo sessions. It sounds awful. I'm glad she isn't hurting anymore, but by then I was so tired of all of it."

"I understand." She said softly, "It's not awful, you're human. No one should have to go through that." She sighed, "cancer sucks."

"Yeah." He said softly and then sat up, pulling her with him. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Helping me forget." He shrugged, "Forget that there are piles of medical bills I'll never be able to pay, and the fact that her funeral expenses still aren't completely paid for and the only reason they buried her is because she had cancer and they felt bad, making me forget how bad it hurts knowing I'll never see her again."

"Glad I can help." She smiled, an attempt to lighten the mood.

"You're truly amazing. How could anyone hurt you?" He said it softly. She bit her lip. She didn't want to talk about Neal. Not right now.

Not ever.

"I don't…"

"You don't think you're worth it, but you are, I wish you could see you how I see you." She didn't know what she told him last night, when she was drunk and he sat with her on her bedroom floor. Her insecurities slipped out and she kicked herself for letting them, but she was drunk and wasn't aware of what she was saying. Now he knew how she saw herself and she didn't want to talk about it. She sighed.

"I don't want to talk about this." She whispered, and he went quiet. They sat there, legs dangling off the docks, silence. This wasn't a date, but if it were it'd be perfect. She didn't realize it at first, tried to not think about it. But her heart was beating so fast, and she wanted him to kiss her. Just get it over with, but she couldn't let him. She wanted him to kiss her, but she couldn't let him do it. If he did it'd change things.

She hasn't felt like this since Neal and that scared her. He'd leave, they always do. He'd leave and it'd be worse than Neal. Or maybe he wouldn't leave, but she'd have to deal with the fact he wasn't entirely over Milah and he never would be. She understood that, but she'd be everywhere and she wasn't sure she could handle it. She wasn't entirely over Neal and she couldn't say she wouldn't run right back to him if he turned up again. She would. She knew it, she'd tell herself it's for Henry, but she loved him, she always would and it sucked.

He was looking at her now. He was trying to figure her out.

"You know, whatever he did to you, you can trust that I won't...I won't hurt you like that, Swan." He said softly, "I don't know what happened, but I bet it has something to do with that little boy of yours. Maybe one day you'll tell me, or maybe you won't. It's okay, it's okay to be scared. I am."

"You are?"

"Afraid I'll fall in love with you and you'll get some terminal illness that'll kill you. Terrified, if you and I try this out, I'll be somehow betraying Milah. I think maybe she'd be okay with this."

"I'm not ready for anything."

"I can wait." He said softly.

"My parents are going to wonder how I got soaked." She got up, "I...should be going."

"It is late, isn't it?" He stood too, "Can I escort you home?"

"Serial killers?"

"They like the blonde ones." He winked and she laughed, "Plus we're block buddies."

"Shut up."

"Make me." He laughed and she rolled her eyes.

"You're seriously the most annoying person I know." She said as she picked up her bag and started walking.

* * *

A/N: I hope this was to your liking, it took a while to figure out what I wanted to do. Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7 Cautious Tones

She always found it weird. How they took her in when they were barely old enough to take care of themselves. They weren't old enough to even have a fourteen year old daughter, only twelve years older than her. Now they had a grandson, a four year old grandson, they were too young for that. They didn't ask her anything about what happened with Killian last week, and she was glad they didn't. Ruby and Elsa were still pestering her for information. She drew back the curtains from her window after she was dressed and headed downstairs, the sound of banging pans and the smell of something cooking coming from the kitchen.

She was being especially perky today, almost too smiley as she set breakfast out. Emma gave her mother a weird look.

"Uh...what are you doing?" She asked softly as her mom set a plate of french toast in front of her. She never cooked this much on weekdays and never this early. She woke Emma at nine with the sound of slamming pans and cupboard doors. She was surprised Henry was able to stay awake.

"It's your favorite." She smiled, "I even made cocoa." She set a mug down, Emma rose her eyebrow.

"Okay…" She said softly, "Why aren't you at work?" Her mom shrugged her shoulders as she went to the coffee pot and started a fresh brew of coffee. It was Monday, she should be at the school teaching like she always was, but she wasn't.

"Who died?" Emma asked

"No one?"

"Then what's with the jeans?" She asked, "and the big breakfast, and you're being too smiley…"

"I took the day off." She answered, "I thought maybe we could do something today."

"Like?"

"I don't know...whatever you want." She smiled, nice and wide and Emma jumped up from the table, knocking over her mug in the process. Mostly on purpose. The contents spilling onto the white table cloth, her mother's smiley barely faltered as she reached for the napkins.

"That's alright. Granny knows a great way to get out stains." She said as she dabbed the mess.

"Something is wrong."

"Emma, nothing is wrong."

"I did that at Christmas two years ago and you lost it, so yeah, something is off. What is it?"

"Oh hey you made breakfast." Her father walked in, taking a piece from her plate and taking a bite.

"Hey, that's Emma's" Her mother swatted his arm as she smiled. "Emma, have you talked to Killian lately?"

"No."

"Why, did the date go bad?"

"Wasn't a date."

"It was."

"WHO DIED!?" Emma shouted.

"No one died."

"What's going on?" Her father asked looking around, confusion on his face. Mary Margaret wiped her hands on her jeans and chewed her lip. She sighed and went over to the counter.

"Emma...I didn't want you to see it…" She whispered as she grabbed an open envelope from the pile of mail. "I opened it." She handed it over and Emma glared.

"You opened my mail?"

"I had a feeling." She said softly as Emma reached in the envelope and took out a card. "I don't understand why he would…"

"What is it?" Her father asked as the card slipped from Emma's, now shaking, fingers. It was a huge punch in the gut as she stumbled back, all the air in her lungs being sucked out. She picked it back up. "Emma?" It was a wedding invitation. Someone's wedding invitation.

"Emma!" Her mom shouted for her as she turned and ran out of the house, unable to breathe or think as she jumped in her car.

Why would he do that? How could he do that?  
Why did he do that?

* * *

"You don't understand." Ruby said softly as she poured his coffee, "It was so bad. All of it."

"What happened?" Killian asked and she just looked at him. They'd somehow gotten on the topic of Emma and he was curious to know why she kept herself so guarded, how she couldn't let herself trust him. Ruby shook her head.

"I wish I could tell you, but...it's not my story to tell." She said softly, "She doesn't like talking about it, or thinking about it. She can barely say his name."

"Did he hurt her?" She was quiet as she cleaned a glass with a dishcloth.

"I can't tell you. I can tell you, however, to be patient. She'll tell you one day and when she does, maybe she'll tell you other things. She opens up slowly."

"I can see that."

"Pump her full of alcohol and she'll tell you everything you need to know, though." She laughed quietly, "Not recommended." She sighed and opened her mouth to say something else but was cut off by the sound of the door opening and the bell chiming. "Em!" She smiled but then it faded when she really got a good look at her, "Emma?" She rounded the corner. He turned to look at her and what he saw he definitely didn't think he'd ever seen. Emma was shaking and trying desperately not to let the tears in her eyes fall. He stood but Ruby shook her head at him as she dragged Emma to the washroom without a word. It was quiet, too quiet and he wanted to go see what was wrong because she looked utterly broken, a mess.

"That son of a bitch!" Ruby shrieked from the little room in the back and everyone looked over, forks being set down as people whispered to each other and then there was a slam as Ruby walked out with Emma in tow and they left the diner.

It wasn't until later when someone was banging on his door, that he figured it out. Mary Margaret and David were there, on his doorstep, a small boy in the woman's arms, his brown eyes wide and sad. Why were they here?

"We need your help." She said softly.

"With what?" He asked, looking at both of them, why were they here? What happened this morning that had Emma so upset? Why was Ruby so angry? These questions swam around in his head all day today and now they were here asking for his help.

"You don't know anything...do you?"

"Know what?"

"Okay." Mary Margaret whispered, "we're her parents and we don't even know the whole story."

"What am I helping you with? What happened?"

"Emma." David said softly, "She got this in the mail this morning and she's…" he handed him a card, a wedding invitation.

"Neal? Forgive me, but I have no idea what this means." He was grabbing his jacket and his keys and he didn't really need a full explanation, he was filling in the gaps himself. "What did he do to her?" He asked softly as he walked with them down the street. He didn't what was going on, or why Emma would freak out so bad over a wedding invitation, but he was assuming it had something to do with Henry.

Elsa was outside, on the lawn, her feet bare as she ran her fingers through her hair. Worry on her face as she stood. "She's in her room, she won't open the door."

* * *

The pillow was soft against her cheek and it seemed to absorb her tears, so maybe that was a good thing, she couldn't drown if they were being absorbed in the soft fabric. She was trying to drown out the noise in her head, her thoughts being chased away every time Ruby's fist hit the wood of her bedroom door, begging her to open it. Give her a sign she's breathing in there.

"Come on, Emma. Open the door." She said as she knocked, "Talk to me." She didn't respond, couldn't really move. Her limbs weren't hers anymore, she couldn't command them to move, her arms and legs felt like they were filled with sand. She couldn't even breathe.

"Emma, please." Ruby begged and then she heard someone elses footsteps and then whispering and she thought maybe it was her mom. It wasn't. She should have known they'd go get _him_. She heard Ruby go downstairs. Probably didn't want her listening.

"Swan." Killian knocked softly, "Talk to me." She didn't say anything, just pressed her face into her pillow. She didn't want him here. She heard the knob turn and heard him sigh.

"Locking doors now?" He questioned, "Everyones worried about you, your mother is about two seconds away from calling the police, do you know why?" He asked, "Because you aren't making any noise, you're not moving. They don't know what you're doing." He paused, "You could be hurting yourself and we wouldn't know." He paused again, he was doing something, "I know you want me to go. Leave you alone, but I can't do that, because I'm in this now. Let me help you, Swan." She looked at the door, "I need you to give me something, let me know you're still breathing in there and if you don't in the next thirty seconds, I'll break down the damn door." She rolled her eyes, "Milah thought I was kidding the first time, should have seen her face when the door crashed in." She still didn't move, not for the thirty seconds he gave her to do something and she heard a soft click before the door swung open with a gentle swing.

"Not quite the dramatic entrance." He said softly as he closed it again, "Oh come on. I had a wife with cancer who wasn't fond of taking her medication, you think I didn't learn how to pick a lock or two?" He smiled softly at her, he was joking with her, a small attempt to lighten the mood. "I see you're not injured. Well, unless you took something. Did you?" She rolled her eyes at him, "Emma, don't think I won't make you puke right here. I've done that before too."

"I'm not suicidal." She said softly as she sat up, surprised at how hoarse her voice sounded.

"Good to know."

"Go away."

"No."

"Go away." She said it a little louder this time. He just took a step towards her.

"I'm not leaving, Emma." She hugged her knees to her chest. He tilted his head at her. "I want to help you."

"I don't need help."

"The locked doors and the red rimmed eyes, say otherwise." He sighed, "What happened?"

"None of your business."

"I think I know." He said it softly, didn't make a move to get any closer because he knew she didn't want him in here to begin with. "Neal, he left you didn't he? When he found out about Henry."

"Get out." She said it through clenched teeth, hearing his name was like a stab in her chest. She didn't want to talk about him.

"He freaked out, probably yelled, but that's not all he did, was it?"

"Get out…"

"Emma, what did he do to you?"

"I said get out!" She screamed it this time and threw her shoe across the room, would have hit his head if he hadn't moved right in time. "Get out! I don't want you here!" She was off the bed and standing. She was throwing things and he crossed the room to her. This wasn't first time he's had a woman scream and throw things at him. He grabbed hold of both her wrists and held them together to get her to stop trying to push him away and then pushed her to sit on the floor. She slid down the wall. He did it like it was normal, like he had to do it every day. She forgot for a second he had a wife who hallucinated and this probably was his normal life for a while. He sat next to her on the floor, like that night he brought her back home when she was drunk and could hardly stand.

"I'm here and I'm not leaving." He said. "Not until you tell me."

"I don't have to tell you anything."

"No, you don't." He said softly, "but if you tell me, maybe I can help you. Maybe talking about it will make you feel better."

"I don't want to talk about it, I want you to leave." She ran her hands through her hair, "Everyone is crowding around me like I'm about to explode and I can't…"

"There's no one else here." He said it like he's said a thousand times before. He probably had, with Milah. Constantly reassuring her what she was seeing wasn't real and they were, in fact, alone. This must have been bringing a lot of things he didn't want to think about back into his head. "It's just us."

"They can't...know. My parents...they can never know." She said softly, " _Never._ "

"Okay." He whispered, "I won't tell them."  
"No matter how bad it is?"

"Emma."

"I met Neal when I was sixteen." She said softly, "he was...trouble. He almost got me thrown in jail. That's a different story altogether. I thought he loved me, I thought we'd be together, I never really had anyone growing up. The Nolan's, they love me and they're nice and I'm grateful but I never had _that_." She sighed, a shaking breath and she knew she'd cry again. "I got pregnant and…" She bit her lip, eyes shutting for a second, but he never took his eyes off her. Didn't interrupt, waited patiently for her to continue, "He freaked out. You were right about that, he yelled and screamed and he was so scared. I was scared too. I tried to tell him it'd be okay, we'd figure it out. He...wouldn't listen to me." She shrugged, "He begged me to get rid of it, to get it out. But I didn't want too." She felt the tears roll down her face.

"What did he do?"

"He didn't mean too."

"Emma."

"We were at the top of the stairs." she whispered, "My parents weren't home. We were arguing and I don't know, I slipped."

"You slipped?"

"I fell down the stairs, he tried to…"

"He pushed you, didn't he?" He asked, "Did he push you?"

"It was an accident."

"Emma." He said firmly, "He pushed you."  
"He said he was sorry." She whispered.

"I don't care if he said he was sorry." There was and edge there and she knew, she knew he was pissed.

"Killian."

"That's not it, there's more, what did he do?" He asked and she didn't say anything, not for a while. She knew what he did. She didn't want to say it.

"He...lost it."

"What. Did. He. Do?"

"He stepped on me…" She barely heard it herself, but he straightened beside her, "He stomped on my stomach...Ruby and Elsa walked in and stopped him because they heard me screaming."

"Swan."

"I thought if I pretended it didn't happen, he'd stay with me. That he'd love me, but at the hospital he kept asking if I lost the baby and when we found out it was fine. He left the next day. I haven't seen him since."

"Why was he not put in jail?"

"I told them I fell down the stairs and I made Ruby and Elsa stay quiet." She whispered. Killian ran a hand through his hair, he looked like he was ready to kill someone. She honestly didn't think he'd care that much.

"I still love him." She said softly, "I can't turn it off. If he came back, I'd want to...to fix things. And I know I shouldn't still want him but I do, I thought he'd come back one day. I thought he'd come back and we'd be a family. Then I got that invitation in the mail and…"

"I'm going to tell you right now, Emma, if he came back, if he even looks like he's about to go anywhere near you. I'm kicking his ass. How could you, how could you still want him after that? How? Help me understand."

"He's the first...he's the first guy who ever treated me like I mattered."

"Throwing you down the stairs and beating you, makes you feel like you matter?"

"Before that. He was nice and sweet and he loved me."

"He didn't."  
"Killian." She looked at him.

"He _didn't love you_. He wouldn't have hurt you if he loved you, Emma, don't you see that?" He said softly, "You're not supposed to hurt the people you love."

"I shouldn't have yelled at him like I did. It only made the situation worse."

"Emma, what he did was not your fault and the fact that you would go back to him baffles me." He sighed, "He's getting married. He invited you, I can't believe he would reach out after what he did."  
"Don't tell my parents."  
"I think they need to know, but it won't come from me." He said softly and she started crying all of a sudden.

"I'm sorry…" She cried, "I just...he's going to have a wife and a family and I…"

"Emma."

"Why wasn't I enough?" She asked softly and he put his arm around her, this irresistible urge to hold her. She shook in his arms.

"You are enough." He said softly, "Why can't you see that? Look at what you did. You raised that little boy downstairs all by yourself. Neal knocked you down and you got back up, you don't need him, forget him. You're enough for a lot of people." His fingers went to her hair, just to try any make her feel better, he didn't know if it worked. She seemed to calm down a bit.

"He's not mine anymore." She whispered when she finished crying and now she sat with her head on his shoulder.

"You're not his anymore." He whispered back, "You're free now, Swan."


	8. Chapter 8 And Straight On 'Til Morning

Emma sighed as she sat on the couch, her parents were gone and it was storming. Really bad, like one of the worst storms she'd seen. She was surprised Henry wasn't awake.

That child could sleep through anything, honestly.

She busied herself with setting out candles but not lighting them, she didn't know if the power would go out and she actually didn't have a clue where the matches were.

Her parents chose this week to leave?

She jumped when there was a knock at her door, who the hell? She opened and, honestly, she wasn't surprised.

"What are you doing?" She asked

"I was lonely and we're block buddies." Killian smiled at her, soaked. His car was parked outside, so he at least he didn't walk here.

"You could have been struck by lightning and died." She stepped aside, might as well let him in.

"Oh no. Wouldn't want that. It'd put an end to this budding romance."

"I can't tell if you're joking."  
"It's because I'm not." He smirked. She rolled her eyes as she sat on the couch.

"Haha."

"I know, I'm hilarious." He sat next to her.

"You're soaked."

"Not the first time."

"Yeah but, my couch." She turned on the tv and sighed, tucking her feet under her. "My parents are out of town."

"And you have a guy over?" He tsked, "Scandalous, Swan."

"You came over without warning!" She exclaimed and he laughed. She really just wanted to punch him, which seemed to be a constant feeling when he was around. She wondered how Milah was able to deal with him for the duration of their relationship, maybe she punched him whenever she felt like it.

"You're staring at me." He said

"Sorry." She looked away, "I was thinking."

"Ooo, about what?"

"My overwhelming urge to punch you in the face."

"Lovely." He smiled, "Can I tell you what I was thinking about?"

"Do I want to know?"

"I think you do."

"Fine."

"My overwhelming urge to kiss you."

"STOP THAT!"

"Stop what?"

"Telling me you want to kiss me."

"Oh, should I just go for it instead?" He asked and then he got really close to her, really really close to her. He damn near did it too, but pulled back at the last second.

"Not time for that." He said, "You didn't try to stop me though. Hey we're making progress."

"I hate you."

"Is that code for, _I like you but I'm too stubborn to say it_?"

"No, it means I actually hate you."

"I don't hate you. I'm quite fond of you."

"I noticed."

"Fantastic."

"Why are you here?"

"I told you. I was lonely."

"Be lonely somewhere else."

"Kicking a man out in the middle of a storm, I see how it is." He said, "And if I get struck by lightning and die?"

"Sucks to be you."

"You'd miss me."  
"Nah."

"Yes you would."  
"Lies."

"You totally would." He laughed, "I'd miss you."

"You'd be dead."  
"If it were the other way around."

"Ah."

"I'd miss yooouuuu."

"Shut up." She got up and went to the kitchen. She needed a drink, wine seemed like the perfect solution. She came back with the bottle and some glasses. "You're getting on my nerves."

"Don't I always?" He asked

"It's annoying."

"Swan, please." He held up his hand, "Don't need the insult right now."

"Whatever." She sat down and poured. "Can we just be quiet for a little bit?" He smiled but went silent and they sat for a while, waiting out the storm that seemed to only intensify. After a few drinks she found herself getting closer to him than usual. She started telling him things she never even told her friends. About Neal.

They got on the topic of sex and how she never…

Neal never really got her there. _Over the finish line._

She should probably stop drinking. He was warm and she was cold and this was nice.

"Never?" He questioned.

"Never."

"How did you get-"

"Girls can get pregnant without having an orgasm."

"I hate him."

"I know."

"So, never ever?"

"Never ever."

"Not even once?"

"Not even once." She shook her head and he gave this little horrified gasp and she shouldn't be telling him this. "It's not like it was awful. He just…"

"Only cared about his pleasure?"

"Pretty much."

"He is actual scum." He said. They stopped talking for a little longer.

"The lights are flickering." She said softly.

"Yup."

"Probably about to go out."

"I'd say so."

"I should light some candles." As soon as the words left her lips, the lights went out and it was too late. She couldn't see anything now.

"It appears to be too late." he said softly, she still got up, feeling around the room, pulling her phone out to light her way as she went on a manhunt for matches or a lighter. She was a little unsteady on her feet, drank more than she should have.

"Swan." He said just as she was starting to trip. He grabbed her, pressed her up against the counter. The kitchen was lit just a little, had succeeded in finding a match and lit one candle in the kitchen. She could barely see him.

"You're clumsy."

"Shut up." She whispered and something about the way he was looking at her and holding her, so close to him. Like she was this precious thing he couldn't let go of. She shouldn't have done it, she should have torn herself away but he looked so…

And she was a little drunk.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, it was soft and over in a second but it was nice and he tasted like wine and she _did_ like him.

Not really able to admit it.

"Swan…"

"Shut up." She whispered and kissed him again and she shouldn't be doing this. Bad idea. _Bad._ Didn't stop her, besides, she wasn't entirely sure she wouldn't have done it had she been sober. They both weren't sober, that's the thing. If he had a clearer head than her, he would have stopped. His hand was in her hair and she was pressing herself to him and this kiss was deep and she didn't _want_ to _stop._

She'd been wanting to kiss him for a while, that much was true. Ever since that day in the diner when he backed her into a table and gave her a small peck. She's been wondering what it'd be like, but never dared to cross that line with him. What happens now?

 _Don't think of that question._ She thought as she tugged him up the stairs. This was not a good idea but he was here and warm and she liked him.

A lot.

"I think we're skipping a few steps." He said softly when her bedroom door was closed and she pressed him to it. She giggled into his neck and he went back to kissing her, soft and sweet.

"We have to be quiet. Henry is sleepiiiiing," She whispered, "Don't make me laugh." She made a mental note, as he tugged her shirt off, not to be mad at him come morning. After all she was the one who started it. They both weren't thinking clearly.

"Emma." He whispered, "Is this okay?"

"Yes."

"I need to hear you say it." Oh, he needed to know he wasn't taking advantage.

"I want this." She whispered. She wasn't lying and he looked into her eyes for further confirmation. After a few seconds, upon realizing she wasn't planning on pulling away. He kissed her, actually kissed her. He let his hands touch her, roam over her exposed skin in a gentle caress.

* * *

He woke to the quiet hum of the power turning back on, the soft beeps from the kitchen as the appliances came to life. At first he was confused, the sheets he was laying on weren't his. Then remembered.  
 _Oh._

 _Oh no._

She's going to be pissed. He sat up and looked at her, blonde hair tangled and messy and beautiful, she slept soundlessly next to him and very, _very_ naked. He leaned over and without thinking, he pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder and got up, searching for his clothes. She didn't even move.

What did this mean? Probably nothing.

It meant nothing to her, likely. Stubborn person she is.

It meant everything to him and it shouldn't. He dressed quietly and quickly, if she woke to find him still here, what would she do?

If she found him gone, what would she do?

Either way, she'll be angry.

He sighed as he peeled his jacket from the floor and walked out. He closed the door gently and walked down the hallway.

"What are you doing here?" Henry asked, stepping in front of him, little boy with messy hair.

"Uh…"

"Did you and my mommy have a sleepover?" He asked, folding his arms over his chest. "Grandma won't like that."

"She won't, why's that?"  
"You're supposed to ask."  
"She's not here right now."  
"Yeah, but you gotta ask." He said it like he should have known. The very fact that he didn't, offended the small child in front of him. "Why did you sleep in her room?"  
"Pardon?"  
"When Grace stays over, we don't share a bed, Grandma has her sleep on a cot." Killian sighed, how was he supposed to answer that? He looked at his watch and then knelt down. "Mommy doesn't have one in her room, she doesn't even know where it i-"

"Listen. I need you to do something for me."

"Okay."  
"Don't tell anyone I was here?"

"Why?"  
"Because...they'll ask your mother several questions and she'll get upset. You don't want her to be upset, do you?"

"No."

"Good, so it's a secret." He whispered, "You can keep a secret, right?"

"Okay." He whispered, "It's a secret."  
"Good boy, now, it is four in the morning, you should be sleeping."

"So should you." He countered, defensive. "Why are you leaving?" _Good god, this was definitely Emma's son._ He sighed.  
"Well, if you must know. I have to go to the airport later, I need to go home and get things ready."

"Why the airport? Are you leaving?" He asked and then he got this terrified look on his face, "If you leave, it'll make her sad."

"I'm not leaving."

"Promise?"

"I promise." He said softly, he wondered, how much did he know about Neal? "I have to pick someone up."  
"Okay…"

"Now, go back to sleep." He steered him towards his room and he went in. "Remember. You never saw me here."

"Your secrets safe with me!" He smiled and Killian laughed quietly. The door closed and he quickly left.

* * *

A/N: Soooo. That happened.

I also started naming the chapters. Which I've been meaning to do, but I kept forgetting. Anyways, thanks for reading. :)


	9. Chapter 9 Quiet

Emma woke to her bedroom door crashing in and someone jumping on her.

"DUDE WHY ARE YOU NAKED!?" Ruby screamed, jumping off. Emma groaned.

"Go Awaaay." She groaned, Elsa looked around the room.

"Emma. What did you do last night?"  
"Oh my god." Ruby gasped, "You totally had sex last night!"  
"Sssh."

"With whom?!" She shouted and started shaking her, "Was it Killian?"

"Get ooouuutt."

"No."

"Emma, she's not going to stop until you tell her."

"It might have been." Emma said softly and Ruby made this noise, this piercing squeal that resonated through the house and Elsa covered her ears.

"Oh my god." Elsa said, "Calm dowwwn."  
"I can't calm down!" Ruby shouted, "Emma, up. Right now."

"I'm not dressed…"

"Damn right, you're not dressed!" She screamed, "Give me a hug!" And just like that she was launched on the bed and had her arms around Emma in an instant.

"Are...are you crying?" Emma asked as she pulled back, fresh tears in her friend's eyes.

"I just...I need a minute." She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself, "I'm so happy right now."

"I didn't think my sex life had such a profound impact."

"Your lack of a sex life." Elsa and Ruby said it together and she rolled her eyes.

"I need a shower."

"Yeah I bet you do, you dirty th-" Emma chucked a pillow at Ruby, "Shut up. Go check on Henry."

"Will do, mama." She bounced off the bed and dragged Elsa with her. Emma sighed and got up. Those two were a handful, she sometimes wondered why she was their friend. She grabbed some clothes and went to take a shower. She listened quietly to Ruby and Elsa chatting with Henry in the kitchen while they searched for something they didn't have to spend a lot of time cooking. Good, they can't burn her house down. The warm water felt good on her skin as she washed up. She didn't want to talk about Killian, no doubt they'd definitely ask what happened last night, the thing was it was so foggy. She couldn't quite remember how it started just all of a sudden they were tangled up in her sheets. She did know, she started it. She kissed him first. She wasn't even mad about it, she just kind of wanted to forget it ever happened. Would he let her forget? Would it be one of those things he brought up casually?

 _Probably._

She combed through her hair, got dressed and headed downstairs to find it completely ransacked.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" She asked, Ruby was covered in flour and Elsa looked like she wanted to die. Henry just sat at the table, watching them.

"She started it." Elsa said softly.

"Hey!" Ruby yelled, "I am cooking, what are you doing?"

"Enjoying the show."

"Why do you look like you just got done rolling around in flour?" Emma asked

"Why do you look like you were just rolling around with Killian?" She asked, arching a brow.

"What does that mean?" Henry asked softly.

"NOTHING." The three girls said together.

"Wait, how do they know you had a sleepover?" Henry asked, confusion hitting his cute little face and she gaped.

"What?"

"I thought it was a secret."

"Henry…" Emma knelt down, "How did you know about that?" She asked, praying to every god she could think of, he _didn't_ hear them last night.

"Oh boy." Ruby bit her lip to keep from laughing, "Get a little vocal, there Em?"

"Killian told me." He said softly.

"He told you."

"I saw him leaving your room."

"Oh, man I am loving this." Ruby started laughing and Emma glared at her, she stopped laughing instantly and went back to stirring whatever was in that mixing bowl.

"Was it fun?"

"Was what fun?"

"Your sleepover?" Henry said softly, he was so confused, the poor thing.

"Yeah, Em. Was it fun?" Ruby asked and then Elsa asked it too. Both looking at her with these looks. She wanted to smack them.

"It was very fun." She said slowly, only looking at Henry.

"Is he gonna stay over again?"  
"Yeah, good question, I like your kid. Em, is he going to stay over again?" Elsa asked it before Ruby could. She stood.

"No, kid." She said softly, "It was a one time thing."

" _Bummer._ " Ruby said softly, "Booo. We don't like that answer, do we Henry?"

"I don't like that answer." Henry said with a firm shake of his head. Emma walked over to Ruby and yanked on her arm.

"I'm going to hurt you, if you keep-" There was a loud knock on the door, cutting off her threat. She sighed and went to answer it.

Her heart hitting her stomach when she saw who it was.

* * *

"Thank you for picking me up." Liam climbed in the passenger seat after loading his suitcase into the trunk.

"It's no trouble." Killian said softly. He buckled himself in and Killian started to pull away from the airport. "How was your trip?"

"Oh, nothing special." He said as he flipped through a pamphlet. "How is Storybrooke?"

"Same as it's always been."

"The Nolans?"

"Lovely as ever."

"That's good." He said softly, "It's been too long. Miss that town."

"Milah never liked it there, that's why we moved."

"Milah was a city girl."

"Yeah."

"Did Mary Margaret and David ever succeed in having children?" He asked and his head went straight to Emma, not where he wanted to be right now.

"They adopted."

"Oh yes, that's right. That Emma girl." He nodded, "David told me about her." He sighed, "Have you met her?" He asked and Killian straightened.

"We're well acquainted."

" _What did you do_?"

"What?"

"You didn't mess with the Emma girl, did you?"

"Define mess."

" _Killian Jones._ " He scolded, "Isn't she like fifteen?"

"No, she's in her twenties, where have you been?"

"Oh." He blinked, "Okay. Is she...nice?"

"She can be."

"That's good." It was quiet for a while, not really sure what to talk about now. "Does she help?"

"With?"

"Killian."

"She helps." He said softly, "A lot actually."

"Good. It's about time, you try and moved passed Milah. Can't wait to meet her."

"Don't think she'll want to see me for a little while." He jumped when his phone began to ring.

* * *

She was just standing there, staring and then she turned without a word and slammed the door.

"Emma, who is it?" Ruby and Elsa walked out of the kitchen in all their flour covered glory. Confusion on their faces, Henry stayed where he was.

"Take Henry upstairs…" Was all she could manage, her back against the front door as she tried to keep herself calm. "Don't let him come down…"

"Who is it?"

"Emma? Can we talk?"

"Emma." Ruby's eyes widened, and it didn't look like she had any idea what to do right now, this time of crisis. Elsa just stood, gaping as a fist hit the door, the sound making her jump.

"Take him...upstairs." She said it again, as the door was pushed open and Ruby took out her phone, her look of confusion being replaced by that of anger.

"Get out!" She shouted when he pushed through, the door knocking Emma against the wall. She could have prevented that, but her limbs weren't working properly.

"Em."

"Mommy?" Henry questioned coming from the kitchen and she couldn't breathe.

* * *

"Can you answer that?" Killian handed his phone off to his brother and he answered it.

"This is Liam, who is this?" He asked and paused, nodding, "I will certainly tell him."

"What is it?" He asked, "Put it on speaker." He did as was asked and what he heard was complete and utter chaos.

"You're on speaker." Liam said calmly, he didn't know.

"Killian..." She had to pause because of the screaming, but it was Ruby. "How far away from Emma's are you?"

"Not far, why? What's happening?"

"Take Henry upstairs!" Emma was screaming and then he heard a loud noise, a banging sound like someone was being knocked into the wall.

" _Neal's happening._ " Ruby said through a loud wave of screaming and a little boy crying and that's all he had to hear before he pressed his foot on the gas. If he guessed correctly, that was Emma being knocked into a wall and that was definitely Henry crying. The line went dead and he was racing down the road.

"Who is Neal?" Liam asked, "And why is everyone screaming?" He was too pissed to answer, just knowing, knowing he was putting his hands on her was enough to make him want to commit murder.

"Killian, what is happening?" He couldn't answer, could hardly think.

* * *

Henry was crying because he just watched his mom get slammed into a wall, completely on accident but still and she was shouting to someone, anyone, to get him out of here. Elsa quickly grabbed Henry and ran upstairs but Ruby stayed put.

"Emma, I'm so sorry." He was saying as he pulled her up by her arm, trying to be gentle but everything was so hectic and Ruby wasn't helping.

"Let her go!" She shrieked, giving him a hard shove and then pulling something from her pocket. She didn't hesitate, spraying him. He cried out, clutching his eyes.

"RUBY!" Emma shouted as her friend shoved him out the door, "Is that mace?!" She shrieked running outside, where he lay on the lawn.  
"He was hurting you."

"You can't just do that, Ruby!"

"He was hurting you!"

"He wasn't!" She shouted back. He was getting up, rubbing at his eyes, trying to see through the harsh chemicals in his eyes. Emma shook her head.

"Ruby, you need to calm down." He said softly, "God damn."

"Calm down?" She questioned and then gave him another harsh shove, "I'll show you calm." She kept shoving him and hitting him and Emma should probably stop them because they're causing a scene. It was too late to stop them. A police cruiser was driving by and had now halted to a stop.

"Guys." Emma said softly.

"Is everything okay over here?" Graham asked as he walked over, looking between them, Ruby released Neal with a shove and stepped back.

"It's fine." Emma folded her arms over her chest.

"Mhm." He nodded.

"You can go."

"Ruby what's the problem, why are you shoving this man?"

"He forced his way into Emma's house."

"Did he?" He looked at Neal.

"She maced me."

"Because you were hurting Emma. Self defense."

"Self defense. Okay, it was an accident."

"Like hell it wa-"

"Ruby." Graham held up a hand, "Emma, what happened?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Doesn't really look like nothing." He wasn't looking at her now, he was just looking at Neal. "Alright. Neal, get out of here. Leave these girls alone, Ruby, where did you get this?" He held up the mace and eyed her.

"From David."

"David." He nodded, "Emma, if you need anything just call me."

"Sure."

"Stay out of trouble, don't mace anyone, don't force yourself where you're not wanted, be smart. If I see anything else, I'm arresting all three of you." He looked at Neal again, like he just knew something. And she wondered what her dad told him, they didn't talk that much. She couldn't have told him anything but he knew something was up. "Leave them alone." He said and as he was leaving he looked over his shoulder, "That means leave the property."

"He can get you on trespassing." Ruby arched a brow at him and he rolled his eyes.

"We'll talk later." He said as he headed for his car. Could he even see was the question.

Emma sighed and went back into the house and up the stairs.

* * *

She'd finally gotten Henry calmed down enough to let her get up. She walked out of his room, the day is just going to keep getting more and more chaotic, she could feel it. She set him on the couch and sighed when he crawled back into her lap, running a hand through her hair. Ruby watched her from the kitchen, using a dishcloth to clean up her mess of flour. She should be at work. Not here, watching Emma like she might break. Elsa was still upstairs, opting for the shower to get the flour off herself.

"I don't understand why he'd just show up here. It's like he expected you to talk to him."  
"You flew off the handle. It didn't have to be so…"

"Emma, you weren't going to talk to him, were you?" Ruby asked as she walked over, "Because, that's not a good idea."

"Why is it not a good idea?"

"Hmm. Well, let's see. He threw you down the stairs and kicked you, a lot." Ruby thought for second, "he left you. He slammed you into a wall in front of your four year old child."

"The wall thing was an accident."

"Sure." She tilted her head, "Would Killian call it an accident?"

"Don't."

"What would he think if you were thinking about actually talking to Neal?"

"It doesn't matter what he thinks."

"Really? Hm, let's ask him." She said softly and then the door came open.

"Swan." He was next to her in an instant and she really didn't feel like talking to him right now. She said something, getting up, Henry in her arms.

"Let's go find you something to eat." She whispered, "I don't know what Ruby was making, but let's see if we can't find some old fashion cereal?"

"Okay."

"Cool, kid." She spoke softly to him as she went into the kitchen, brushing passed Ruby and Killian as they followed.

"Emma." Ruby said, giving her a look, this talk to him, look and she did her best to ignore it.

"Not now, Ruby, I'm feeding my kid." She said softly as she reached into the cupboard.

"I can do it." She took the box and the bowl from her and she really didn't have a choice now. She took him to the laundry room, connected to her parents room. Her parents.

She missed them.

She shoved some clothes in the machine and sighed.

"Did he hurt you?" Killian asked, "There was so much noise on the phone I wasn't sure...what was happening."  
"He didn't hurt me."

"Are you lying?"

"No."

"Okay. I believe you." It fell silent and she wasn't looking at him, if she looked at him she'd think about what happened last night, _that_ wasn't something she wanted to think about right now.

"Is that uh…"

"Liam. Yes."

"He doesn't talk much, does he?"

"He's just a bit confused is all."

"Hm." She nodded. He took a step towards her.

"Emma, what are we doing?"

"Laundry."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant." She said softly as she folded a shirt. "I don't know. Don't really feel like talking about it."

"We should. Just tell me what you want to do. Do you want to forget it happened?"

"Like Ruby is going to let that happen."

"I should have stopped it."

"No, it's fine. I'm not mad, I started it." She shrugged, "But…"

"What?"

"I woke up alone." She said softly.

"I can explain that." He made no move to get any closer to her and for some reason that bothered her, "I had to leave, pick up Liam. I would have stayed otherwise."

"Probably a good thing you didn't." She sighed, "Would've been really awkward for you if you woke up with a shrieking Ruby crashing through the door." She sighed, she didn't know what this was, or what to do, but this Neal situation would at least delay it a little bit.

"I told Henry, I'd take him to the park today." She said softly, "If you're not busy with Liam. You can come too."

"I'd like that."

"Good."

"I'm sorry I left you."  
"You're the only one who is." She whispered.


	10. Chapter 10 In The Darkness Of Tomorrow

They walked out to see Ruby chatting with Liam.

"Where's Henry?" Emma asked as she came around the corner. He wasn't at the table now and Ruby wasn't paying attention. " _Ruby_."

"Huh?" She looked over at her.

"Where is my son?"

"Oh...upstairs." Emma sighed and glanced at Killian.

"Save him." She whispered and went upstairs. Elsa was sitting on her bed with Henry and they were talking about a movie, some disney movie Emma had probably seen a million times.

"Henry, we should get going if you want to see Grace." She said as she walked in, "Elsa, what are you doing up here?"  
"I was looking for my phone, dropped in the chaos." She said softly as she stood.

"I-"

"ELSA!" Ruby shouted, "Get down here!"

"What does she want?"

"Other Killian is here and he's wearing tight jeans!"

"Good god." Emma whispered as she rubbed her head, "She doesn't have a filter."

"She never had one." Elsa said softly as Emma picked up Henry and carried him downstairs.

* * *

Later after the sky had darkened and she'd gotten Henry to bed, they came crashing through her bedroom door.

"Hey, we're staying over." Ruby said as she dragged the cot in behind her. "Can't convince us otherwise."

"Ruby…"

"Neal is on the loose, he seemed hell bent on talking to you. You're not staying here alone. Suck it up, buttercup." She smiled. Emma rolled her eyes.

"Hey, we could just go get Killian." Elsa said as she flopped down on Emma's bed.

"Are those washed?" Ruby asked, pointing at her sheets.

"Yes."

"Good, so like. No Killian residue."

"You're disgusting."

"I know." She smiled proudly as she sat next to Elsa on the bed. Emma sighed and ran a hand through her hair. It wouldn't be too bad having them here, just until her parents get back.

"Can we talk about Liam for a second, because damn."

"I knooowww." Ruby sighed, "Them Jones genes, let me tell ya."

"Guys." Emma warned, this was about to take a very inappropriate turn and she wasn't sure she could take that right now.

"Did you see how he looked at Elsa, though?"

"I did see that."

"What?" Elsa asked, looking between them, "Seriously what are you two on about."

"You came down those stairs and he was smitten." Ruby nudged her in the arm with her elbow.

"Noooo."

"Yes." Emma nodded as she sat on her bed, Elsa blushed.

"I didn't even talk to the guy!"

"Doesn't matter." Ruby shook her head, "You know what it reminded me of."  
"What?"

"How Killian looks at you." She looked at Emma, "And before you deny it, everyone can see it."

"Shut up."

"Are you guys like...a thing now?"

"No."  
"Why?"

"Because." She shrugged, "Just because we...doesn't mean we're automatically something-"

"Who started it?" Ruby asked laying on her back, her head resting in Emma's lap.

"Pardon?"

"Who initiated it?" Elsa asked, "Who kissed who? Who suggested to who?" Emma bit her lip and Ruby shot back up into a sitting position with a gasp.

"IT WAS YOU!" She screamed, "You started it!"

"Well, there's a surprise."

"Guys, it's not a big deal...it's not like it meant anything."  
"Bullshit." Ruby spat, "It meant something and you know it!" She hit her arm, "Admit it."

"Admit what?"

"You like hiiiiimm."

"I do not."

"Emma, you do." Elsa smiled, and she rolled her eyes, yet again. Emma got up.

"It doesn't matter." She said softly as she grabbed her hairbrush. Ruby gave her this look, a knowing look as she folded her arms over her chest.

"It's because of Neal, isn't it?" She asked softly.

"What?"

"Neal came back."

"He did."

"Emma, you can't." Elsa said sadly, "You can't seriously be thinking about...talking to him."

"Emma, he's scum."

"He came back." she said softly, looking at her brush as she pulled stray hair out. "What if he's different?"  
"He hurt you."

"It was-"

"If you say it was an accident, I'll hit you with a pillow."

"You guys weren't there. Not until after." She said it softly, "He didn't mean to."

"My god, he has a tight hold on you." Ruby said softly, almost sadly.

* * *

She woke in the darkness of her room, her friends sleeping soundlessly on the floor next to her. She heard a soft tapping noise on her window and walked over, drawing the curtains back. A rock met her, smacking against the glass.

"What the hell are you doing?!" She asked as she opened the window, "You're insane. You're going to break my window if you keep up."

"About time, Swan, I feared I had the wrong window for a second." Killian smiled from below, handful of rocks in his hand.

"What's next, are you going to hold a boombox over your head?"

"That can be arranged." He smirked, "Get dressed."

"Excuse me?"

"Get dressed."

"No. It's the middle of the night." She said in a hushed voice, she looked over when Ruby stirred.

"You have five minutes."

"Killian."

"Don't make me come up there, Swan." He smiled, "Get dressed, please."

"It's two in the morning."

"I'm well aware what time it is, love. Thanks for telling me."

"You're going to wake Elsa and Ruby."

"You're the one shouting at me from the window, love."

"Go away." She hissed and turned.

"I could ring the doorbell." He said, "Wake everyone up. Would you like me to do that?" He asked and she gave a frustrated growl. "Oh come on. Not you like you need beauty sleep."

" _Thanks._ "

"You're already beautiful."

"Shut uuupp." She groaned, "Where's Liam?"

"Asleep."

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" She asked and he shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep, love." He said, "Are you dressed yet?"

"Nope. I'm not going with you, whatever you have planned, it can wait."

"It can't."

"Why?" She asked, "Why can't it wait?"  
"Would you make Neal wait?"

"Not fair."

"Just a question, love. I don't think you would. Despite what he's done to you, you'd be down here in a flash." He said and then smiled at her. She hated the way her stomach flipped at that.

"He's the father of my child."

"And a _very good_ one." He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "Get dressed, Emma before I come up there and dress you myself."

"Tell me where we're going first."

"On an adventure." He smirked, "Now hurry up. You have five minutes." He said softly and she slammed the window closed, both girls stirring. God, she hated this man. She dressed quickly, whispering to Elsa, that she had to go and it didn't involve Neal. The girl was half asleep. She went downstairs and out the door quickly.

"What do you want?"

"No red leather, today?" He asked, "Black suits you." He winked at her and she had this stupid urge to punch him in the face as she zipped up the black jacket she wore, she pretended not to notice how similar it looked to his.

"Where are we going?" She asked him again as he began to walk.

"It's a secret."

"Cut the crap." She didn't go after him and he turned to her, raising an eyebrow. "What game are you playing?"

"I don't play games."

"Right." She scoffed, "I'm not...we're not doing it again."

"I wasn't going to-"

"Sure you weren't."  
"Emma, what kind of person do you think I am?" He asked, he took a step towards her, "I don't care about that, I'd be perfectly fine with never touching you again."

"Really?" She asked, "Because you can't seem to take the word no."

"If I recall, it was a yes from you."

"Not that." She snapped, running a hand through her tangled hair, "Everything, you constantly ask me out on dates, you will not leave me alone."

"Emma, do you know why that is?" He asked, "I won't leave you alone because you don't want me to. I can tell, you'd miss it."

"Do you know how crazy you sound?" She asked.

"When's the last time someone fought for you?" He asked the question softly, tilting his head as he did it and she rolled her eyes. "I'm serious. I'm not talking about court dates and adoption papers, Swan. I know how hard your parents fought to keep you, I want to know the last time a man fought to keep you."

"I'm going back inside." She whispered, suddenly aware of how cold it was, she headed for the house.

"You can keep pushing me away, I'm just going to fight harder to get to you, Swan." He said and she stopped, "I don't care how crazy I sound to you, but if there's one thing I've learned over the years, Swan, a man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets."

"You know what you deserve, Killian?" She turned around to face him, hands in her pockets, "A good punch to the face."

"I'll take what I can get from you, love." He smiled at her and she failed at trying not to laugh. She shook her head as she walked back to his side, "Where are we going, and don't say it's a secret."

"We are going on a classified trip." He said, she glared, "You told me not to say secret, love, you walked right into that."

"I hate you." She said with a laugh.


	11. Chapter 11 Be Still

They walked in silence and she followed him, having no clue where they were going. She opted to stop asking, he wasn't going to tell her. It was getting colder the longer they walked, their breaths visible now but he kept walking.

"You're on a mission." She teased quietly.

"Hush." He smirked, "There's no turning back now, love."

"Can you just tell me where we're going?"

"Nope."

"I will turn around right now."

"Swan, I'll chase you down."

"Determined." She said softly, nudging his arm with her ice cold fingers. She wasn't expecting it, she should have been, he grabbing her hand and just held it. She let him, she should've pulled away, but she let him hold her cold fingers in his. Stop leading him on.

"So, what? Are you going to take me to a dark alley and murder me?"

"Probably."

"Oh."

"I'm obviously kidding, Swan."

"Surprising."

"You grew on me." He winked at her and she laughed softly, "We're almost to our destination."

"Wonderful."

"Have you ever been to this part of Storybrooke before?" He asked and she shrugged. Honestly, she's never really walked around and explored everything the town had to offer, it was bigger than she thought.

"Nope. This where the druggies go to have fun?"

"No." He smiled, "Did you brush your hair before you left?"

"No, why?" She asked, "Afraid to be seen with me Jones?"

"Nope." He said softly, reaching over to fix a piece of hair that fell into her eye, "careless looks good on you."

"Shut up."

"When do your parents come back?"

"Today." She said softly, "Should be home around six…"

"Where did they go?"

"Ruth. My dads mom."

"So your grandmother."

"Yeah…" she said softly, "She's nice."

"I'm sure she is."

"Seriously we're in the middle of nowhere" She stopped walking, not a house in sight, she didn't know where they were. Fields on either side of them. He tugged her forward.

"I promise, we'll be there soon."

"Yeah well, we better be. Whatever you're showing me, it better be good."

"It is." He smiled, "I'm surprised your phone's not blowing up."

"They were pretty out when I left."

"Good. Maybe they won't interrogate you."

"You know, I can't sneak out with you all the time, right?" She said, "I have a kid."

"He can come."

"Hey, no. Don't teach my son that stuff."

"I don't have to, look at his mother." He said, "your mother told me things about yoooou."

"Great."

"Very entertaining." He laughed when she rolled her eyes.

"Just because I did it, does not mean Henry can."

"He won't see it that way."

"I'll make him." She smiled. It was quiet again as they walked, her hand still in his, oddly comforting despite the urge to pull away clawing at her insides. She was surprised he wasn't teasing her about it as they walked. They approached a gated area, large curvy gates with a sign in front of it, scratched, she couldn't read it.

"Wha-"

"Shush." He released her released her cold fingers and she shoved them in her pockets. Before she asked what he was doing, he pulled the gate open and motioned for her to go in.

"Uh-"

"Swan, have a little faith." He said, grabbing her and pushing her in, she gave a soft yelp.

"What is-"

"A park."

"Wow, Sherlock Holmes over here." She said sarcastically. He shrugged

"Come along."

"Why is it so secluded?"

"It's old." He said as he walked, "Come come, time's a wastin." She shook her head and followed. It looked like something out of a horror film, broken seesaws, Merry-Go-Round sinking into the ground, abandoned slides and tall, tall grass.

"This is...unsettling."

"I find it fascinating." He smiled, "And to add to your uneasiness, we're next to a cemetery."

"Wonderful." She sighed, "Why are we here?"

"Do you not find this interesting?" He asked, taking a seat on a swing. She was quietly hoping it would break. She bit her lip and sat on the swing next to him.

"It is." She said softly. "Why couldn't it wait?"

"Welp, we have something to talk about."

"Please don't." She whispered it, she knew what he was referring to and she didn't want to hear it. He looked at her, a smile on his lips.

"You always assume the worst."

"I do not." She said softly.

"You do." he leaned over, "Swan look at me." She looked over, "I know what you think this is. I did not bring you all the way here to beg you for something more than what we have now."

"You didn't?"

"No." He sighed, "I'm a patient man, however, I will say this."

"Oh god."

"Before you tell me, you don't feel the same way, remember, love. You kissed me, twice." He shrugged, "Explain that one."  
"It was the wine."

"Was it?" He asked softly and she sighed. She knew damn well, she would have done it if she were sober that night when the power went out. It was all her, not the drinks. She didn't answer.

"It's okay to admit you feel something. I won't advance this further even if you do. Just know that, from here on out it's your move." She swallowed, her mouth and throat suddenly dry and she couldn't speak, her hands folded in her lap. She bit her lip, it was so cold out tonight and it was late. She couldn't give him an explanation, she couldn't admit anything, not right now. Not with Neal lurking in every corner, occupying the spaces in her head.

"I should go." She whispered and went to get up, but he stopped her and she sat back down.

"Love, you'll get lost without me." He said softly and then went into a different topic of conversation, knowing full well she wouldn't give him anything right now.

They talked for a long time, she told him stories about Henry when he was a baby and she told him about the night she told her parents she was pregnant. Completely breaking down in front of them because she got used to living with them and she was scared they'd give her back to the system or kick her out. He pointed out the constellations and told her what each one meant, the stories behind them and she didn't question how he knew it, just listened as he went on and on.

She thought about how easy it would be, to just let this happen, let them be something. But she liked the friendship they were creating a little too much and she couldn't let anything mess it up. Plus, she wasn't sure she could handle the ghost of Milah draping herself around his shoulders. Hovering like some dark cloud over him.

As he walked her home he asked a question.

"Has Neal tried to talk to you since…"

"No." She said softly, "Ruby keeps telling me to forget him."

"You're not thinking about...reaching out are you?" He stopped walking, halfway home and freezing, it was four in the morning now.

"It couldn't hurt." She said softly and the look on his face, she couldn't read it.

"Emma, it could very well, hurt."

"Killian."

"Emma."

"He came back, he's reaching out, what am I just supposed to do, ignore him?"

"Yeah." He nodded, "Swan, you do remember what he did to you, right? Or did you hit your head?"

"I remember." She shifted, "what if he's different?"  
"He's not."

"How do you know?"

"People like that don't just change, Emma." He snapped, his voice taking an unfamiliar edge, she stepped back and he sighed, "please, don't go to him." His voice was gentler now.

"I can do what I want."

"Why do you want him?"

"Killian…"

"It's a simple question."

"It's not and you know it." She was getting angry now, who the hell did he think he was? Telling her what to do like she was his?

"He'll hurt you again."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

"How?"

"My father was Neal." Not literally of course, a version of Neal, a carbon copy but not, at all, the same person. She didn't understand what he meant. "You think it's just one time. One mistake. And then he does it again."

"Wha-"

"He used to just hit my mother. Beat her until she's bloody, and then she died, lo and behold, Swan. He had two sons, two boys who bruised easily." He shrugged, "He'll tell you he's sorry, _he's not_ , he'll tell you he loves you, _he doesn't_. Listen to me, Swan, listen when I tell you don't go near that man."

"He wouldn't-"

"Alright, so you're okay when he hurts you. Fine." He shrugged, "But what's going to happen when Henry is old enough to understand and he tries to fight back? Get him off you. Neal shoves him, maybe punches him to shut him up, you okay with that, Swan?"

"Stop." She whispered.

"I'm just telling you what's going to happen. What's _likely_ to happen. I don't know, maybe you're right. Maybe he saw the light, is a changed man." He shrugged.

"You don't have any right to tell me who I can talk to, or be with." She said softly, "I'm not yours."  
"No, but you could be." He said softly, "At least that's what I want. I don't know what you want, you won't tell me."

"I want.." She whispered, swallowing, the words about to leave her lips would probably kill him. Right now she didn't care, "I can't be with you."

"Because of Neal. He has this hold on you, this tight constricting hold on you." He sighed, "One day he's going to squeeze too tight and kill you."

"You talk about Neal having a hold on me, but what about you?"

"What?"

"Milah." She said softly, _Too much, Emma, too much._

"Why are you bringing her into this?" He asked it so softly, she hardly heard it. She was about to hurt him, beyond words.

"She has her hold on you too. And I get it, she's dead and it's hard to let go of her, but Neal's not dead. He's here."

"Emma."  
"She's all over that house, Killian. She's around you. Always in your head, hanging over you like a cloud. I can't...I can't be Milah I can't do it, I can't."

"I'm not asking you to-"

"That drawing, you expect me to believe that had nothing to do with your want to get to know me? Even Milah was involved in that, she's everywhere. You can never have her back, and I am beyond sorry for that, but Neal is here I _can_ have him back…"

"I'm sorry my dead wife is too much for you, Swan." He said softly, "Is too much of a burden for you, I can't even find the words for how sorry I am, my grief is too much _for you._ " He turned away from her and started walking, it was almost like he wasn't here anymore, eyes set ahead and not looking at her as he walked away.

"Killian." She called for him, immediately sorry she just did that to him. He kept walking. She couldn't move from her spot on the street.

* * *

She didn't go home until six thirty, her mom unpacking her suitcase in her bedroom and looking up when she came in.

"Emma?" She asked rushing over, worry on her face the second she saw the state she was in.

"Mom." She whispered. She was thankful her friends were still asleep. She was shaking as her mother sat her down on the bed, trying desperately not to break and crumble because unlike before, Killian couldn't and wouldn't fix her this time.


	12. Chapter 12 Good To You

"Where have you been? What happened?" She was asking, hands rubbing up and down Emma's shoulders, face twisting into concern as Emma tried not to break. What is she going to say? She shook her head.

"I hurt him." She whispered.

"Who?" She asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and sighing, "What happened? Did Neal do something?"

"What?"

"Emma, he was here, when we got back."

"It wasn't Neal." She said softly, thankful now she left with Killian. Despite the circumstances.

"What happened with Killian." She dropped her hands, folding them in her lap, "And Ruby texted me, I know you slept with him."  
"Great."

"Did you use-"

"Mom."  
"I'm just asking." She sighed as she tucked her feet under her, "That complicates things, doesn't it?" She said softly, "Let me guess. One of you wanted more and someone else didn't. Am I right?"

"That's not all of it."

"You don't want more. Why? Because of Neal?"

"I-"

"Emma, we know what he did." She said softly, "Elsa and Ruby told us everything. Only recently, the night you got the invitation and Killian was upstairs with you. I know you asked them not to say anything, but you should have told us. Okay, you know my opinions on Neal, you know my opinions on Killian." She paused, "I don't trust Neal."

"Mom…"

"Not with your body, not with your mind, and not with your heart." She shrugged, "But, I trust Killian with all three and more. He has yet to prove me wrong, make me question if he's good for you, if he'll be good to you."

"And if you're wrong?"

"I know where he lives and I know how to hit." Emma laughed, "You hurt Killian."

"I did…"

"What did you say to him?"

"I can't be with him."

"Because of Neal?"

"Because of Milah." She said softly and her mother got this look on her face, this soft expression.

"Emma." she whispered, "Please tell me you didn't say it was because of Milah."

"I did."

"Explain this to me." She said softly, "Help me understand."

"She's constantly in the back of his head. Every thing he does goes back to her, his house is full of pictures. I can't...she is there all the time and I don't think I can handle it." She ran her hands through her hair, she sounded so selfish.

"Okay." Her mother nodded, "Emma, I understand where you're coming from. I'm going to say this, I knew her."

"What?"

"Yeah. Before she got sick, before we found you. She was maybe sixteen. She was so smart, and beautiful, he really _really_ loved her, even then as teenagers, you could tell. Do you know what it's like to watch someone you love with everything in you, disappear?" She shook her head, "To be here physically but not mentally, to not recognize the person you used to love? Then to have them die? Emma, he went through hell, she tried to kill herself three times."

"What?" He never mentioned that.

"Yes. You can't just let that go. He can't just let her go, she's going to be around him, in his head, for the rest of his life. You say you can't handle that, you have to ask yourself, can he handle that? Emma, I saw how he looked at her. I see how he looks at you. He loved her, but my god, Emma, I think he loves you more." She sighed, "You have a chance to say goodbye to Neal. You can let him go, he doesn't love you, I know you don't want to hear that. I know it hurts, but his eyes don't light up when he sees you, he doesn't smile at the mere mention of your name."

"I messed everything up."

"Maybe you did, but some things are meant to break." She smiled, "You can fix it. I know you can, he won't give up on you easily, Emma. Let Neal go."

"He won't want to talk to me, Killian, he won't."

"Then make him." She got off the bed, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "Do to him what he did to you every single time you shut him out."

* * *

She waited a few hours, gave him some time to cool off before she headed to him. Knocking on the door of his house for the first time...probably ever.

"He's not here." Liam said as he opened the door, "So sorry." He knew she did something, the way he was looking at her, anything but friendly.

"Do you-"

"What did you say to him?" He asked as he folded his arms over his chest. "What did you say about Milah?"

"I-"

"Explain to me, why he came home and…" He shook his head, grabbing something by the door and thrusting it in her arms. A waste bin full of pictures, cracked glass frames and smiling faces.

"Are these-"

"I salvaged some. But yes, all of these are pictures of Milah." He shrugged, "Every single goddamn one."

"Liam-"

"I don't usually allow myself to be put in the middle of whatever drama Killian has, but, you. You're a real piece of work. Making someone feel awful for still grieving their dead spouse. Do you know what day it is?"

"What?"

"You don't know do you?"

"No…"

"Three years ago today. She died, _today_. You, Miss Swan, served as a small distraction from whatever he was feeling." He sighed, "I can't fix him this time. It's on you."

"Where is he?"

"Cemetery, two towns over. The first one you see on the left. Go all the way to the back, there's a tree, she's buried next to it. If he's not there, go to the third row all the way to the right, right at the property line."

"Who else i-"

"You'll find out. Now go, you're not fixing anything just standing here." He closed the door after that and she walked back home to get her car.

It was far and when she did find it, she didn't see his car. She got out, ignoring the rain clouds and walked the stone path all the way to the back. It was so quiet, she didn't even hear any birds, she never liked cemeteries. She didn't see what Liam told her to look for.

"Good going, Emma, you probably went to the wrong one." She whispered as she looked around. Then she saw it, clear in the back a small tree, only a few inches taller than her and a grave, but she didn't see him. She walked over, looking around.

"Killian?" She questioned.

"What do you want, Swan?" He asked softly and she jumped, he was sitting behind the grave, back against the cold stone, she didn't even see him.

"I…" She started but she realized then she had no idea what to say to him. She walked around to look at him. "I want to apologize."

"No need." He said softly and that's when she noticed how red his eyes were.

Had he been drinking?

Did she do that?

Good god, she broke him.

"I didn't...you didn't tell me what today was."

"Didn't think it mattered."

"It does…"

"Would it have stopped you from saying what you said?" He asked, "I don't need sympathy, love. Lord knows I won't get it from you."

"Killian-"

"You don't need to apologize."

"I-"

"Where is Neal? Figured you would have jumped into his arms by now." He shrugged, "I don't need you to apologize, quite frankly I don't want to hear it."  
"Killian p-"

"Can you go?" He asked, "Leave me be."

"No."

"You should have said something before, all those times when we'd talk...you never once said Milah was too much."

"It was different before…"

"Before what? We slept together?" He questioned, "Before you let me tangle up with you in the soft, soft sheets of your bed? Was it too much for you, before or after that? Is this too much for you now, seeing me here, cold and curled up next to my dead wife's grave?"

"Killian, I didn't mea-"

"I am allowed to miss her. She was a part of me and I'm sorry you can't handle that, Swan, I barely can. Looking around, all that's left of her is a few pictures and a rotting corpse, it's hell. I never knew about that bloody picture, not until after she was gone and I found you walking on the side of the road. She had nothing to do with my want to get to know you. You had everything to do with that. I'm not angry with you. Even now, after- all I can think about is kissing you, but you made it so very clear you don't want me. You want the man who hurt you. I can't understand that and nothing you say will make me. So, if you could just go, that'd be great." He said, "I'll see you when he puts you in the hospital."

"I'm not leaving."

"What more is there to say?" He asked.

"A lot of things." She took a step forward. His eyes were drilling holes in her. "I was wrong."

"About?"

"When I said I couldn't be with you because of Milah…" She bit her lip, "I just...I don't know. I don't care about Milah, if you want to talk about her, I'll listen." She said softly, "It was never about her or Neal. It was me."

"Did you just, _it's not you it's me_ , me?"

"When I woke up that morning and you weren't there, my first thought was...that you got what you wanted and you left, or I wasn't…" She ran her hand through her hair, "but then you showed up and you burst through my door after Neal had already left and you looked so concerned. You threw rocks at my window and you held my hand and I don't know what to do or say to take it back. I wasn't good enough for Neal or all of the homes I was put in, I don't know to be good enough for you." She shrugged, "That's what I'm scared of, what I couldn't tell you, I'm scared you'll realize I'm not what you want and you'll leave or I'll get pregnant and you'll throw me down the stairs and then you'll leave."

"Emma."

"I don't want Neal." She said softly, "I never did." He was standing now, looking at her with an expression she couldn't read as he stepped towards her and she was rambling, apologizing, trying to fill the silence. He wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her close, but he didn't kiss her. He just held her.

"Shut up." He said softly and she did. "Listen." His lips were at her ear, "You are more than enough for me. You matter to me, you're not just a...fling, I will never hurt you. I told you once I'd make sure you knew how valuable you are, how worth it you are. I also told you." He whispered, "If Neal even thinks about going anywhere near you or Henry, I'd hurt him. I'm not kidding, this isn't a joke, I will break every bone in his body." He pulled away from her and sighed. "What now?"

"This." She whispered and she kissed him.

* * *

A/N: My back is killing right now, like damn. Haha. thanks for reading guys. :) I actually wasn't expecting people to like this story that much and I'm just really happy. :P


	13. Chapter 13 Spiral

"Did you fix it?" Her mother asked as she plopped down on Emma's bed. She was trying to sleep, just for a few hours. Eyelids heavy in exhaustion, she sat up, leaning her head on her mom's shoulder.

"Yup."

"How did it go?"

"Good."

"Good? That's all you're going to give me?" She asked, arching a dark eyebrow, "Spill."

"Tired."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't go out all night."

"I'm not five."

"No." She laughed, "As long as you're not drinking and breaking into places, there shouldn't be a problem. However, now look at you. Can barely stay awake."

"Hm."

"Emma, Neal was here while you were gone." She said it softly, folding her hands in her lap and she didn't look at her. Emma groaned.

"Fantastic."

"There's something else."

"Always is."

"I was holding Henry when I answered the door." Her eyes flew open and she straightened. Her mother continued, "You should have seen his face. He kept asking if he was his. It's pretty obvious, he looks just like Neal."

"What'd you tell him?"

"To leave. It took a few times and then David came home and he got the hell out of there."

"This is bad." She whispered, "Really bad." If she had any hope he would just leave on his own, it was gone now. He'd never leave if he knew his son was here.

"It's okay."

"It's really not."

"Emma-"

"This is not okay."

"If he tries anything we'll have him arrested. Graham already hates him."

"Why?" She asked, stupid question.

"Do you really have to ask that?" She asked, she was right. He hated him for what he did, leaving her like that. Everyone knew about it. She kind of hated that sometimes, so much unwanted sympathy and pity. Something about the way she was looking at her, said he knew more than she was saying. How would he know? Emma didn't say anything to him, was he at the hospital? Did Ruby say something, Elsa? She groaned.

"I need sleep." She said softly, done with this conversation. Her mother made no move to leave.

"I have something to ask you."

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell us?" She asked, "About Neal."

"I don't know."

"I think you do."

"I didn't want you to freak out." She said softly, a shrug. "I thought you'd send me back."

"Send you back?"

"I was pregnant. You didn't sign up for that, I didn't want to tell you about what Neal did because you and dad would flip. I didn't want to tell you I was pregnant because I didn't want you to send me back. I should have said something and I didn't, I'm sorry, but by the time you guys came home, I was out of the hospital and Neal was gone."

"We'd never send you back."

"I know that now. I didn't then."

"Do you still have feelings for Neal?" Emma shrugged.

"No...I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"I just don't." She said softly. Honestly, she hadn't seen much of him and the first time he came to her, she was too shocked to feel anything. So, she didn't and wouldn't know until she saw him again. Not that she wanted to see him again.

"I hope you don't."

"I hope I don't, too." She whispered.

"Then don't."

"You can't just tell me not to feel anything. It doesn't work like that, mom."

"Okay…" She said softly and there was a long pause before she said the other thing Emma knew she'd ask, "Do you have feelings for Killian?"

"Mom."

"It's just a question."

"Stop."

"You're supposed to answer." She laughed, "We like him."

"Good for you."

"Ah, good for _you_." She smiled, her arm going around her shoulders and pressing Emma into her side, her chin resting on her hair. "I think you like him too. In fact, I know you do."

"I can't believe Ruby told you."

"I caaan."

"Does dad know?"

"Nope." She smiled, "And don't tell him, he doesn't need to think about that."

"I had a kid, I've obviously had-"

"Sssshh. It's a dad thing." She whispered, "Anyways, you wouldn't invite him into your bed if you didn't like the guy."

"Invite him? It's not like I went " _hey let's go bump uglies_ " it just happened and alcohol was a factor."

"That's what they all say."

"It was!"

"Mmmhhhmmm."

"I hate you." She laughed as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head and slid off the bed.

"Take a nap, I'll be back in three hours."

"You're only giving me three hours?"

"Shouldn't have stayed out all night." She said as she closed the door.

* * *

That was two days ago and she hasn't seen him since. She wondered why he didn't call, before realizing she never gave him her number. Henry's hand clutched hers tightly and she ran her thumb over his knuckles.

"Where's Killian?" He asked.

"Yeah Emma, where's Killian?" Ruby asked, raising her eyebrows and smirking.

"I don't know, kid." She shrugged, "Maybe he's busy."

"Are you not friends anymore?"

"Oh, honey, they're more than that." Ruby said, her smirk twisting into something wicked as she winked. Emma rolled her eyes.

"Uh, yeah we're still friends."

"Cool."

"Dude where the hell is Elsa?" Ruby asked, stopping, her stilettos digging in the moist earth near the playground.

"Hey." Emma shot her a look.

"Oh...sorry. Where the _heck_ is Elsa?"

"It's too late you already said it."

"Then don't scold me." She said as she pulled out her phone. Emma sighed and watched Ruby bob her head to the music Elsa used as her ringback, some Prince song Emma didn't know. "Hey where are you?" She asked and paused, "Oh... _oh_...giiiirrrrlll, get it."

"What?"

"She's with Liam."

"Oh."

"And Killian." She scoffed, "Dude, that's Emma's boyfriend back off."

"Don't say boyfriend."

"What else am I supposed to say? Kind of sort of boyfriend? Friend with benefits? Fu- _fork_ buddies?" She said the last part quietly, looking at Henry. "Oh god, you guys aren't like engaged now. Because honey, that's too fast." She paused and Emma rolled her eyes, "Let's see, Emma Jones. I guess I can get on board...yeah Elsa I feel like she'd get it hyphenated too. Emma Swan-Jones. Yeah...I like that better." She said nodding to whatever Elsa said after that. "So does Killian."

"Jesus Christ."

"I ship it."

"Ruby."  
"Elsa says hi." She said, "Okay, seriously where are you?"

"Mommy can I go play now?" Henry asked, not amused by any of this. Of course not, he didn't understand any of it, he was too little. Emma sighed.

"Yeah kid, stay where I can see you." She let go of his hand and he took off towards the playground.

"The library? Wow much romance." She said sarcastically, "Well of course it's not a date, Killians there crashing the party. I mean...hey if he's down you could turn it into a party. Get you a yummy Jones sandwich."

" _Ruby_."

"What? Oh right, he's your kind of sort of-we-don't-like-labels-not-boyfriend-boyfriend. Wow that was a mouthful." Emma rolled her eyes as she watched Henry swing with Grace. He waved and she waved back. "I know, I feel so betrayed."

"About what?" Emma asked

"Your lack of detail on your dirty, dirty sleepover with Killian. Come on, I'm your best friend, your mom knows more than we do."

"It wasn't...shut up."  
"At least tell me if it was good." She said, "I mean it had to be, the man oozes sex appeal. He has to know what he's doing."

"I really want to hurt you right now."

"Dude you totally don't remember."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, judging by the lack of a blush, and you're not stumbling on your words like you usually do when we discuss these topics, someone has no idea how it was." Ruby sighed, "Let me fix that for you. Elsa, do me a favor."

"Don't you freaking dare."

"Where did they go?" She asked, pausing. "Find him."

"I swear to god."  
"Yay, okay, give him the phone."

"Ruby."

"Hey buddy." She smiled as she bit her lip. _IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou._

"Please don't." Emma glared at her, not taking her eyes off Henry as he ran around the playground. She was listening to him talk, about what, she didn't know. She nodded along.

"I think she needs a repeat performance."

"RUBY"

"Emma, please, I am on the phone." She held up her hand, "As I was saying-"

"Where's Henry?" Emma asked, eyes darting around the playground.  
"Oh no, you're not getting out of this one that easy, Em."

"No seriously." She breathed, eyes darting around the playground, the swings, the slides. Grace was alone now, not being dragged around with Henry. "Henry!" Emma shouted.

"Emma, what do you mean where's Henry?" Ruby asked, all joking shoved to the side, her tone so serious she barely recognized her. "I don't know." She whispered.

"Hang up the damn phone, Ruby!" She shouted, "Henry!" She screamed as she ran for the play area, people now looking in her direction.

"Emma, it's okay, he's probably just hid." Ruby said, catching up with her.

"Grace!" Emma grabbed the small girl's shoulders and spun her to face her, "Where is Henry?"

"I don't know, he was just here." She said softly, shaking. Jefferson strode over.

"What is it?"

"I can't find Henry." Emma stood quickly. Her heart hammering in her chest. She checked under the slides, under the shelters, the bathrooms, the whole goddamn park and she didn't find him.

"I can't find him." She was a sobbing mess by the time Graham was there, "I can't find him…"

"Okay." He nodded, "Why don't we start with what he was wearing today and then go from there." She told him, a red shirt with a green dinosaur on the front and jeans, black shoes.

"Where was the last place you saw him?"

"He was running with Grace by the slide." She said softly and then it occurred to her. Neal. He's in town, he knows about Henry, he knows what he looks like.

"Emma." Ruby said softly her gaze going to the parking lot and no amount of persuasion could get her legs to stop moving. There he was, Neal, heading for his car.

"Hey!" She shouted and he looked up as he set a bag in the backseat.

"Emma?" He questioned, "Finally coming to tal-" she slammed him up against the car.

"Where is he?" She hissed.

"What?"

"Henry."  
"Who- oh." He nodded, "I don't know." She didn't have time to stop it, her fist collided with his face and he pushed against her. "I really don't know, Em! Did something happen?" He asked.

"He's gone!" She shrieked.

"I didn't take him!" He yelled, "I wouldn't do that!" She looked over her shoulder, Graham and Ruby were gone. Off to find her son. "Emma, listen to me." She hit him again, he stumbled back against his car, the door slamming shut on his arm. She was being pulled off of him now. Someone's arm going around her waist and hand around hers as she went for another punch.

"Emma, hey. Stop...stop, love." Killian said softly as he pulled her off of him. Again she was a mess, turning in his arms and burying her face in his neck. "He didn't take Henry."

"You don't know that."

"I think I do." He pulled away, pushed her back, made her look. There Henry was, clutching Elsa's hand. "He wanted to play with the dog. It got out of Archie's yard and was walking around. I guess he saw it and decided to go investigate." Emma laughed and knelt down.

"Don't do that to me." She said softly, "I thought you were hurt." She ran her fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry, mommy." He said softly, he looked at Neal as he spit blood on the ground.

"Hey." Emma whispered, grabbing his chin and making him look at her. "Never ever run off like that again. Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"Good." She picked him up, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Than-"

"Don't thank me." Killian said as he glared at Neal, "Only stopped her because of Henry." And with that he was by her side again as she walked home.

* * *

That was the first actual incident with Neal, the second would come days after. In the parking lot of Granny's late, flickering street lights. They yelled and fought and he begged her to let him see Henry but she refused, her son in the backseat of the car when he shoved her against it. Side mirror colliding with her side, stinging. It would bruise. He only let her go when she screamed so loud Granny came out with her shotgun and scared him off. She got in her car and sped off before Graham could be called.

That night, she told herself she wouldn't tell him but Henry jumped on her and she sucked in a breath so sharp, Killian lifted her shirt right there.

"Who did this to you?" He asked as he got off her bed and she yanked her shirt down again, her mother coming in.

"It's nothing." She said.

"You, madam, are a liar."

"Mom take Henry." She said softly and she did as was asked. A prompt promise she'd ask questions later as she took Henry's hand and led him down stairs.

"Swan."

"It's really nothing."

"Let me see." He took a step towards her, where she was still seated on her bed.

"Have no fear, Ruby is here!" Ruby crashed through the door, "Wow it's tense in here."

"Ruby. What are-"

"I lost Elsa again."

"She's not here."

" _Obviously_." She sat on the bed, "What are we talking about?" She asked, eyes darting between them. Killian ran a hand through his hair.

"Emma, what did he do?"

"What did who do?"

"Nothing." Emma said softly, technically he didn't really do anything, he just pushed her into the mirror.

"Neal?" Ruby asked, "Emma…"

"Show her."

"Show me what?"

"Nothing"

"Lift her shirt."

"Okay, we're not _that_ close." She held up her hands as she stood, pulling Emma up with her, "I like you but not that much." She was joking at the worst of times, but she reached for the hem of Emma's t-shirt and she pushed her hands away. "What are you hiding?" She asked, suddenly serious as she slapped Emma's hands off her her own wrist and lifted the shirt just enough to get a small bit of the bruise crawling up her side. "Oh my god."

"It's just a bruise."

"How'd you get it?" Ruby asked, folding her arms over her chest and tilting her head, "None of that, I fell, bullcrap."

"Okay but what if I actually fell?"

"Did you?" She didn't answer and Ruby nodded, "Your silence is a no."

"What happened, Emma?" Killian asked and she bit her lip.

"He may have cornered me in the parking lot at Granny's."

"May have, as in, he did."

"Yeah but it-"

"Don't defend him."

"I'm not."

"I think you were about to." Ruby said softly, "I know where he's staying." She said, looking at Killian.

"Don't."

"Really, where?" He asked.

* * *

A/N: Uh-oh


	14. Chapter 14 She Loved Him First

Ruby opted not to tell him and promptly left. Something about tracking down Elsa and interrogating her. So, now they walked, the sky darkening, the stars coming out and it was so quiet. Emma kept her hands in her pockets, the cold breeze almost too much, cutting through the fabric of her leather jacket. It was definitely cooling down, as it does in early September. They walked quietly, nowhere in mind and he wasn't talking, which was odd.

"You're being quiet." She said softly.

"So are you."

"We should talk about something."

"Like?"

"I don't know."

"Alright." He shrugged, "Let's talk about what happened earlier."

"We alr-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked the question softly, and she bit her lip. She didn't know, she just knew he'd get angry.

"I didn't want to upset you."

"He hurt you, why wouldn't I be upset?"

"It's fine, I'm fine."  
"It's not just you, I'm worried about." He stopped walking and looked at her and at first she was confused and then she realized who the other person he was talking about was.

"He did it in front of your son." He said, "That can't happen." She knew Henry was there and she did her best to keep him from seeing it, make it look less like he pushed her and more like she stumbled, kept her body in front of the car window to keep him from seeing the way he grabbed her. He was there, she couldn't stop it.

"I tried to...keep him from seeing it…" She hated that they were having this conversation, hated that Henry had to be there while it was happening and that it happened at all.

"One of these days he's going to see it, and he's going to want to intervene."

"I don't know what you want me to do."

"Do _something_ , Emma. File a restraining order, report him for assault, you have the bruises to back it up. If you don't do something, I will." He started walking again, pulling one of her hands from her pocket and linking their fingers together. She didn't want to think about what he'd do, so she just walked with him.  
"I'm sorry."

"For what?" He asked.

"You have to deal with...all of this."

"It's not your fault, don't apologize." He said softly as he squeezed her fingers gently. "Now, where are we going?"

"I don't know."  
"Poor planning, love."

"Shut up." She said. So, they walked, nowhere in particular and talked about Neal and how he wasn't always violent, how he was nice to her, made her feel special in a way no one else had before everything exploded and he went a little insane. She was in the middle of asking him a question when he grabbed her wrist and gave a sharp tug, motioning for her to speed up and keep up with him.

"What?" She asked as he fell utterly silent, tugging her along like she was a child refusing to go somewhere with her parent. He just glanced over at her, tugging her to the side of the road and pressing her up against side of the library. "Wha-" her small protest was cut off by his lips crashing into hers. She blinked, straightening against him, it was dark but they were still in public. If someone walked by right now, well, she didn't know what she'd do. She wasn't complaining however, the man knew how to kiss. It took her a hot minute to realize his hand had come up to rest on the back of her head, fingers curling in her blonde curls and good god what brought this on? He pulled away, breaking it and she was breathless.

"What…" She started, "Was that for?" He simply shrugged and pulled her along to walk with him.

"I was bored." He said with a smirk, "come along." She should bore him more often. They walked in silence now, only sound was their shoes hitting the sidewalk and the buzzing of streetlights. She should head home soon, it was almost time for Henry to go to bed and she promised she'd read him a story.

"I should go home soon." She said softly moving a piece of hair behind her ear as they walked. He simply turned them around, not a word being uttered. What was he thinking about? "Hey" She said softly and he looked at her.

"You're quiet." She said.

"Sorry, love. Would you like me to yell?"

"No, but talking is nice."

"What would you like to discuss, this fine evening?" He asked, a smirk on his lips. She shrugged.

"What's the weirdest thing you've ever done?" She asked and he had to think about it for a second and when he thought of it, he began to laugh.

"Well." He started, "It involves Milah."

"What did you do to her?"

"There you go again, making assumptions."

"Just answer."

"Alright." Killian smiled, "She got in car accident one summer evening, never really figured out what happened, however she insisted it wasn't her fault. So, the car was totalled but she came out unscaved."

"That's good."

"So, insurance covered most of it and she was able to purchase a new car, very nice and shiney and new and she was so very happy." He sighed, "One evening in the dead of night while she was asleep, I went out and wrapped the entire car in bubble wrap."

"Bubble wrap?! Why?"  
"So the next time she slammed it into something it wouldn't take too much damage. That's not the best part. You see she came out the next morning and saw what I did."

"How mad was she?"

"She hit me."

"Oh."

"And then we laughed, but she hit me again when she saw the interior was also completely covered in bubble wrap."

"Wow, you really got into it, didn't you?" Emma laughed, "I think I'd slap you too."

"I don't know why she agreed to marry me." He laughed, "I'm pretty sure she hated me most of the time."

"I don't think so."

"She got me back though."

"Do tell."

"Well, I have this collection of vinyls…"

They talked for a while about the odd situations he and Milah got themselves into and she laughed right along with him and for a second he would stop and look up, a sad little smile on his lips and she'd squeeze his fingers with hers and tug him along and then he'd tell her another story about Milah. How she painted a sun on the ceiling of their home in Boston and then got in trouble because they didn't own the place. Only when they owner saw it, he loved it so much he didn't make them replace the ceiling tiles. Emma wondered what she would say to him now, would she be upset he moved on? Would she hate him for not letting her go? Would she yell at him because he told the story wrong the first time? Would she interject and tell a completely different tale? Emma found herself wishing she could know her, talk to her, know the woman who seemed to put stars back in his light blue eyes. She never would. She wasn't here now.

He dropped her at her house with one last story and one last kiss and she went inside to find Henry already in bed but not asleep.

"I have some stories for you, kid, move over." She smiled and that night as she curled up next to her son she didn't read to him, she told him about the bubble wrap and Milahs car and she quietly hoped Killian wouldn't mind her sharing this little story with her son.

* * *

Emma woke up in the middle of the night to someone knocking on her door and when she opened it, she nearly fell over.

"Liam?" She questioned. The last time she saw him, he was angry, he wanted to kill her. Seeing him standing on her doorstep, the only thing she could think of was something must have happened but he just shifted on his feet.

"I want to apologize for my rudeness the other day." He said and then reached inside his jacket, withdrawing and envelope.

"It's okay…" She said softly, he could have waited until the morning to do this, to apologize but what was that envelope he held in his hand? "What happened?"

"Nothing." He said quickly, "I know this is...odd and you don't really know me and I don't know if I should give this to you but I found it, and I…" he paused, holding it out to her, "I haven't seen it in years. It was put away, I was sure I had accidentally thrown it away, but it just showed up."

"What is it?"

"I think...it's sudden reappearance was some sort of sign. So, take it." He put it in her hand, "I was told to give it to you a few years ago."

"Me?" She didn't even know him until a few days ago.

"Not you directly." He shrugged, "just read it, you'll understand." And with that, he walked away. She closed the door quietly and went back upstairs, her head reeling. That was the weirdest thing that's happened to her….ever. In the soft light of her bedroom she turned the envelope in her hands, the paper once pristine and white was beginning to yellow. It was thick, unopened and she wasn't sure she should read it. It could be anything.

She tore it open and pulled the pages out. Thick, soft, white notebook pages with the fringes still attached to the pages. Small, delicate handwriting on the blue lines. Four pages, front and back of soft delicate handwriting she didn't recognize. She took a deep breath and began to read.

"To The Woman Who Loves Him Next,

I don't have much time left, that's what they tell me. The drugs are working, I'm lucid, I hear no voices, I see clearly. My mind no longer makes up these hallucinations that scare me. However, my scans aren't clean. I don't quite know what it all means, they aren't clear, they speak to me as though I'm a child.

I am not a child.

It doesn't matter, I have something for you, a gift if you will. Take it, go on. Listen to me.

I doubt he'll give this to you, in fact, I know he won't. I can see that he won't; even as he sleeps in the chair beside my bed. He's not taking it in. He's not letting it in, this reality, this inevitable end of me. I don't blame him, I really don't, for if it were me in the chair and him in this bed, I'd hold onto every scrap and shred of hope I could muster inside this slow beating heart of mine. It wouldn't surprise me if he never loves again, when my heart stops, his will break.

Let's pretend for a second that he did give this to you, that someone gave this to you. I write this in hopes you will see it. Perhaps, I'll give it to Liam, he'll get it to you, he'll understand why I write this, he'll know how important it is to me that you see this. Now, this, dear, is the gift I spoke of earlier. This is to you, to have and to hold; to read what I write carefully. Whether it be on your wedding day, or just a day. I hope you hear me. I hope you listen.

Hush now, let me tell you what other gift I wish to bestow upon you. This one, you need to be sure you take good care of. This is to you, to the woman who loves him next.

To you, I give my greatest love, to you I give My Killian. Take care of him, help him breathe, help him thrive.

He's beautiful and charming and imperfect, oh so imperfectly perfect. I love him, I loved him. I can't love him anymore, not here. Not physically. I hate that I have to stop, I hate to leave him when we have so much unfinished business. Perhaps you can give him the life I couldn't. Do that for me, and I will cherish you as much as he cherishes you.

Now, woman whose name I will never know, some things you must know that my love is too stubborn to admit. There are sides of Killian, good and bad, between, a mix. He is passion. He is fire, the passion of the flame, he can turn you to dust with one touch and my god, will he make sure you know you're loved. He'll marvel at your beauty as he traces small circles in your delicate skin and grazes every inch of you with his lips, soft like feathers; as the sun peeks in between the curtains of his bedroom window.

Then comes the fierceness. The bad, the good, the mix. He can be hotheaded. One of the things I love about him is the will to protect what's his and if you're reading this, that means you are his. Be proud of that. If someone hurts you or tries to, oh my dear, he'll take their life if given the chance. That can often get him in trouble. You'll see one day, tell him, when he gets in over his head and you need to get him to be okay again, tell him. Tell him to look at the stars.

He'll know what that means. He was mine once.

He can be a little overwhelming. Some might say he's too much. I would say, not enough. I didn't get enough time with him, I long for more time with him. That can't happen. So, listen to me, should he wake you in the middle of the night for no reason in particular but to walk outside and look at the stars or the ocean or just to walk. Go. Don't yell at him, don't roll over and go back to sleep. I don't want you to regret it, I don't want you to long for more time.

Do that for me.

I want to tell you, the thing he won't admit, even if you point it out. He will deny it, I never did tell him that this whole time I knew. Don't you dare tell him.

He's insecure. I know, I know, we're talking about Killian here. Killian Jones but I know it to be true. My love is afraid. Afraid of himself, maybe because of what his father did. He doesn't want to hurt you, no matter how much you tell him he won't, he knows he can. He has his father's temper, beware of it. Tread lightly, he wouldn't dare lay a finger on you, but he can destroy you with his words. I feel that's just as bad.

He doesn't want children. He told me it's because he didn't see himself being a father, he didn't like children. He is a dirty liar. He lights up when he interacts with children, they are innocent, they have yet to feel the cold and cruelness this world has to offer and he loves them. Has a strong need to protect them. I never said it out loud, never told him. If you love him, truly, you can see it just as well as I could. He's afraid he'll be like his father, afraid he'll hurt them. You know, you know that's not the case, certainly by now you see it. I can tell you with the utmost sincerity he is not like his father.

I want you to promise me something, it's okay, I don't ask the impossible from you. I need you to do something for me. I need you to show him how good he can have it, show him the kind of man he can be. I tried. I ran out of time.

You love him with every ounce and fiber of your being, you do it, please. He needs you, he needs you to breathe the life I am taking with me, into him. Show him how unbelievably and undeniably worthy he is of you. I must go now, I am very tired, I think I'll sleep. He's waking up, I think I hear Liam down the hall.

He was mine, he's not mine anymore. Take this gift I give to you and hold it close. He's yours now, go on then, take him. Take care of my fragile, fearfully fearless love. Take care of Killian.

With Death,

Milah Jones."

Next to her signature she drew something, a small swan in black ink, that's a fun little coincidence. Emma took a shaky breath, completely unaware she was crying. She wiped at her eyes and folded the pages back up, placing them in the envelope and into her nightstand. She didn't sleep much that night.


	15. Chapter 15: The Big Bang

Emma didn't sleep much that night, too busy thinking about that damn letter. She read it again in the morning in the soft quiet of her bedroom, pans and glasses clashing together downstairs in the kitchen serving as background noise. Should she show Killian? What would he say? Something told her she shouldn't. This was to her, keep quiet about it and maybe one day she'd show him. She was placing it in her nightstand when there was a soft knock on the door. Her mother came in, a small smile on her face.

"Hey, you're already up." She smiled as she walked in, "I made pancakes."

"Cool." Emma said softly as she stood from the bed, "Is Henry up?"

"Yes, he wanted to come wake you, but I figured you needed to sleep."

"Thanks."

"Who was beating on the door at two in the morning, by the way?"

"Uh, Liam."

"Hm, thought it was Killian, come to whisk you away on some midnight adventure or something." She shrugged, "why was Liam here?"

"He needed to tell me something."

"At two in the morning?"

"Yeah. I'm beginning to think they're both insomniacs." Emma shrugged as she attempted to brush through her hair, in a hurry for no reason. She didn't even know what she wanted to do or where she wanted to go. She brushed passed her mother and went downstairs. She let Henry tell her about the dream he had, which seemed like he was making up as he went a long.

"Ogres?" She questioned, "How strange." She laughed when he nodded.

"Yeah. And, you were there."

"I was? What was I doing?"

"You were stuck in a big tower thing."

"Oh? How'd I get there?"

"The Evil Queen" He shrugged like this was the most normal conversation he'd ever had. So casual, even when talking about ogres and evil queens.

"Wow, that's some crazy stuff, kid." She ruffled his brown hair and stood from the table. He grabbed her hand, yelling that he wasn't done yet so she swallowed the laugh that was bubbling up and sat back down. He began to tell her about how he had to save her but he kept saying "we"

"Who else was there?" She asked, smiling.

"Killian."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He smiled, excited now as he bounced around in his chair and she allowed herself to laugh this time as he went into detail on what happened and how they saved her and she listened carefully. When he was finished she cleaned up the kitchen and left, hoping to run into Liam. She needed to get him alone.

* * *

Emma found him out in front of the library, talking to Graham, who said he needed to talk to her at some point today. It had to do with Neal. She could see it.

"Hey." She said softly as she approached him, all flannel and blue jeans. A complete opposite of Killian who adorned a leather jacket and dark jeans. She was surprised she didn't see him here.

"Hello." He smiled at her, "I trust you read it."

"I did…"

"Good."

"Why-"

"Why did I give it to you?" He asked, arching an eyebrow as he fell into step beside her. "I think you know that answer. Milah was very clear."

"How did she get it to you? I can't see Killian leaving her alone for five seconds."

"Well," He shrugged, "She got him away for a second in order to give very clear instruction."

"When did she write it?" She asked, from the way it was written she couldn't have been too sick.

"A few hours before she died."

"Oh."

"They call it, the calm before the storm. It's a moment of clarity, the fog lifts and for a few moments it looks like things are getting better. Then the storm hits and that's what happened with her." He shrugged, "Feel good about it, she chose to address you in her time of calmness instead of Killian or me or anyone else. I don't know what she wrote but from the sounds of it, it was important."

"What'd she say to you?"

"Hm." He stopped walking for a second, "She said, if I didn't give it to the next person Killian wishes to spend his life with, she'll kick my ass from one end of the underworld to the other. Like I said, it was important to her that you get it. She wanted to be able to give her blessing, do you understand?" He asked, "she didn't want him, or you, to feel like you're...betraying her. Taking something that isn't yours. I don't know, she was in and out of it, by the time she gave it to me she was already circling the drain."

"Do I show him...or no?"

"It all depends on what was said. Like I told you, she wrote it for you and only for you. It looked to me like she didn't want him to know, but if you want to tell him, then do it; but be careful with how you do it. We don't need him flying off the handle right now."

"Okay." They started talking about Milah and then about Neal and he gave her this look.

"You know, if Milah were here, she'd hit you." He said, "And she certainly wouldn't put up with it for as long as Killian has."

"Put up with what?"

"Your lack of trying to get rid of him." He said, "Why is that?" too be honest, she didn't know what everyone wanted her to do. She couldn't just tell him to leave, he had just as much a right to be in this town as everyone else. She sighed.

"I don't know."

"Figure it out." He said over his shoulder as he walked back to the library. That was the end of that conversation.

* * *

Emma sighed as she plugged her phone in by the front door and headed up the stairs to check on Henry, "What are you doing?" She asked as she walked into his room to see him sitting on the floor a coloring book in front of him. He looked up and just shrugged.

"Coloring."

"You don't say." She sat down next to him, tucking her legs under her. She leaned over to look at the picture. "Nice."

"It's a dog."

"Cooolll" She nodded, she honestly couldn't tell, it was an orange blob with two beady black eyes and a small nose. She knew it was some kind of animal.

"Mommy."

"Yeah?"

"Who's Neal?"

"What?" She asked, her stomach flipped. He looked at her, this look on his face like he knew she knew who he was talking about. "No one, kid." She said softly as she stroked his brown hair, it needed to be trimmed, it was nearly in his eyes now.

"Is he bad?" He asked softly.

"Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"Not all the time." She shrugged, "I'll explain when you're older." With that she leaned over and kissed the top of his head as she heard the front door open and close. She stood, whispering that she'll be back in a minute.

"Mom?" She questioned as she walked down the stairs but there wasn't anyone there, no smiling face of the woman who adopted her in the entrance. "Dad?" She called as she looked around.

"Emma." Neal came around the corner, coming from the kitchen, hands up in front of his chest in kind of a surrender as he took a step towards her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked softly as she stepped back.

"I just want to talk." He said slowly as he let his hands down to his sides. "Please."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"I gathered that."  
"Then leave."

"Or what? You'll call your boyfriend?" He asked, this disgusted look on his face as he took another step towards her. Backs of her feet hitting the stairs.

"Do I need to?" She asked as she swallowed. She shouldn't be scared of him, he wouldn't hurt her, not here. She could be wrong.

"No." Still, her eyes flicked to her phone, which wasn't where she left it and the lock on the door was in place. "I figured the second you saw me you'd call that lovely sheriff of yours." He pulled her phone from his pocket and set it down on the coffee table before turning back to her. He sighed, thrusting his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels. "So." He started, "Is it serious?"

"Excuse me?"

"Whatever it is with you and...What's his face?"

"Killian."

"Ah, yes, that's the one." Neal shrugged, "Is it-"

"That's really none of your business." She said softly, "You're not here to talk about my love life."

"No, I'm not." he said softly, "I want to apologize."

"I don't really want to hear it."

"Well, you're going to." Her eyes flicked back to her phone as she inched herself up the stairs. First thought was to hide Henry, he didn't need to see any of this.

"My parents will be home soon." She whispered, "I suggest you leave." He nodded and then his eyes flicked up to the top of the stairs. She followed his gaze to where Henry stood. Eyes bugging out of his head as he looked at them.

"Hey kid." Neal smiled up at him and he stepped back, "how old are you?"

"Neal, please."

"Emma, I am talking to my son."

"Mommy?"

"Cobra." Emma said softly and he heard it, taking off towards her bedroom, she heard the lock slip into place and Neal heard it too.

"Cobra?"

"It's a code name."

"For what?" He rolled his eyes, "why did he run from me?" He asked and then he seemed to get agitated, "What did you tell him?"

"T-" she yelped when he grabbed hold her wrist, which was held firmly on the banister, and yanked her down, flinging her into the wall. She grabbed hold of the back of his shirt and pulled him off the stairs as he was headed up them, which sent both of them back into the wall, his body colliding with hers and making it all the more painful when she hit some pictures and knocked them down. He turned to face her, nails digging into her biceps as he shoved her, hard, back against the wall.

"Just let me talk to him." He said as he applied more pressure to her arms.

"No." She kicked him as hard as she could and he stumbled back, dropping her arms and, okay, now he just looked really pissed.

"I don't want to hurt you." He said as he grabbed hold of her arms again, did he not know he already was? She slammed her forehead against his and his hand came down on her face when he stumbled back. She ran for the stairs, her cheek stinging and ears ringing and when she stumbled he grabbed hold of her ankle and pulled, sending her down with a loud bang. This time when she stood, he grabbed hold of her and turned her around, arm going around her waist and lifting her up as he pressed his hand over her mouth. Her eyes flickered to the door, the knob jiggling, Ruby complaining about the door never being locked before as he tugged Emma into the kitchen and out of sight.

"Sh." He shushed her as she fought against him but her arms were pinned. There was a knock.

"Emmaaa?" Ruby called, "Come on, I know you're here." She said

"Maybe she went somewhere with her parents." Elsa said from beside her.

"They're at the diner, I was just there." She said, "Emma!" Another loud knock and then several, "Are you in there with Killian?" She asked. Emma bit down on Neals hand until she tasted blood in her mouth but he still didn't pull away, she used every ounce of strength she had to throw her leg out and knock the trashcan over, it hit the floor with a loud boom.

"Emma?" Elsa questioned, she couldn't see them but she could hear the knocking getting more frantic and Ruby's voice taking on a more concerned tone.

"Emma, are you okay?" Another crash as she kicked the kitchen chair and knocked it over, Neal was tugging at her now, forcing her move somewhere she couldn't make any more noise. Now the knocking had turned to banging as Ruby kicked at the door. She was screaming at someone to call Graham or Killian or hell, even Liam. Someone to come kick the freaking door down.

"God, you know I never liked that woman." Neal whispered in her ear, "She's so loud." Emma bit down again and this time he removed his hand, bleeding from his palm. There was a loud crash as the glass in the living room window was broken and Ruby climbed inside, something in her hand as she headed for where the sound was coming from.

"Hey." She said as she raised it and swung, a metal bat colliding with Neal's head and knocking him down. Emma slid down the wall and sat as she heard the sirens coming down the street, no doubt the whole town would follow. He wasn't unconscious but he couldn't get up now, groaning in pain as he was rolled on his stomach by Ruby's foot, and then she promptly kicked him, heel of her sharp stiletto going into his side.

"You think this is bad?" She asked, "Killian would rip you to shreds." She hissed as she kicked again and then she spit on him. Graham kicked the door in, gun in hand as he headed for the kitchen.

"Nice job, Rubes." He said as he placed the weapon back in its holster and pulled Neal off the floor.

"They don't call me Little Wolf for nothing." She smirked, setting the bat down. Graham slammed him up against the wall, reaching for his cuffs and as he tightened them around Neal's wrists, Neal groaned.

"Am I hurting you?" Graham asked and then tsked, "So sorry, where are my manners." He said as he steered him out of the house, slamming him into the doorway as he went. Elsa was here now, kneeling beside Emma, hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" She asked

"Henry's upstairs." She whispered, closing her eyes for a second, "can you go get him...my ankle-"

"Yeah." Elsa nodded and stood, she flew up the stairs, sidestepping the hole Emma's body made when she crashed down. They were old, it was bound to happen.

"I'm calling Killian." Ruby pulled out her phone

"Wait."

"What?"

"Wait until Graham is gone." She said softly, "Please." Milah warned her, in that letter, he'll do something stupid and she couldn't let that happen.

"Em-"

"Wait."

"Looks like I don't have to." She said softly as she looked at the door. There he was, eyes wide as he took in the scene and then he spotted her.

And then he spotted Neal.


	16. Chapter 16 What Have You Done?

A/N: Hi, I was planning on updating friday but of course, I got sick. So, thanks for waiting and sorry about the tiny little cliffhanger. Story time!

* * *

Ruby's hands found Emma's as she pulled her up to stand. "Killian." She said softly, he didn't look at her and Liam was there now, talking to him quietly. Probably trying to calm him down. She tried to walk over, but as soon as she put pressure on her ankle it gave out with a sharp pain and she fell into Ruby's arms with a loud yelp. Now he heard her, now he went to her.

"That sounds bad." Ruby said sucking in a breath.

"It's fine."

"You can't even stand"

"It's _fine._ " Emma said firmly as she gripped Ruby's shoulder to keep herself up. It better not be broken. Don't let it be broken. Ruby rolled her eyes and all but threw her Killian. "Ow."  
"Not fine." She said as she folded her arms over her chest. She watched through the broken window as the police cruiser pulled away from the house. She couldn't tell if she was the one shaking or if it was Killian. He held her up, one arm around her waist and the other brushing the hair out of her face. He wasn't talking and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing.

"Emma!" Her mother's shriek came out of nowhere, cutting her from her thoughts. She barreled through the house, stepping over the things strewed through the house in the struggle.

"She's hurt." Ruby said.

"What the hell happened?" Her father asked as he walked over, hand hovering over his gun like the perpetrator would still be here.

"Neal happened." Ruby said softly.

* * *

With all of her assurance that she was fine, she was taken to the hospital. There really was no fighting with her parents on that.

"Doesn't look to be broken." Dr. Whale said as he took her ankle in his hands and looked at it, "We'll have to do some ex rays to be sure though." He turned it in his hands and she sucked in a breath. He glanced at her.

"Can I go yet?"

"Nope." He said simply, "follow this." he took out a small light and shined it in her eyes, "good." He said softly clicking it off and setting it back in his pocket. "Shirt off."

"What?"

"You're holding your side." he said as he raised an eyebrow and jotted something down on her chart. "I need to see. Take it off." She didn't even realize she was holding her side. She wasn't even aware that it hurt. He had to help her get it off and when he did, he turned her body slightly towards him to get a better look at the bruise there. The one from the mirror on her car and the new one forming just below it. He pressed down gently.

"Does it hurt when I do that?" He asked

"It's a bruise." He stepped back and waved someone in as she wrestled her shirt back on.

"Emma."  
"Graham." Emma said softly as she sat back down on the exam table, "My parents still out there?"

"Yes." He nodded and fumbled with the camera around his neck, "I need to document-"

"Right…"

"Hold still." He said as he stepped close to her, moving her chin with his fingertips and snapping a photo of the bruise forming below her eyes. Dr. Whale took his leave then. "I have a few questions, they're pretty routine, just answer honestly and this should be quick." He said softly as he snapped a picture of her now purple ankle.

"Okay."

"Show me your hands." She held them out, palms down so he could see her nails and her knuckles.

"Defensive wounds are good, they help make a case." He explained as he looked them over, fingers grazing hers gently. He took a picture.

"The questions."

"He tells me you let him in, is that true?"

"No."

"So he broke in."

"He let himself in, yes." She said softly. They wouldn't find evidence of a break in, he was the one who taught her how to pick a lock.

"Any sexual assault?" She glared at him, "I have to ask."

"No. Nothing like that."

"Good." He nodded and then started asking her what happened, how it happened, what did he say? Who hit who first, blah blah blah.

"Is Henry out there?" She asked

"He's being looked at."

"Good." She said softly, "Is he okay?"

"A little shaken up, but other than that, he's fine."

"Okay."

"Emma." He said softly, "You really should have come to me."

"Didn't have a reason to."

"No, after the first incident." He said. So, he did know.

"If you knew he did something, why didn't you just arrest him?"

"Because with cases like these, someone has to first make a report. Regardless of evidence, if the person being hurt doesn't say anything my hands are tied. You would have denied it if I questioned you and by the time I found out he was already gone." he sighed.

"Is Killian out there?" She asked softly.

"Yes."

"Okay."

"I can go get him if you want." He said softly as he headed for the door, "I'm done here."

"No, just tell him I'm okay."

"Okay." He nodded and then left.

It wasn't broken but she wasn't allowed to walk on it for a few weeks. Which was annoying. She sat on the exam table, struggling to get her shoe on and listening to her mother talk about moving Emma's bedding downstairs until she could navigate the stairs. Since she wouldn't be able to on crutches. Annoying.

"You could hop." Ruby suggested, and Elsa nodded.

"We could get you some cute little bunny ears."

"I could shoved them down your throat." Emma said dryly as she flung her shoe at her laughing friends.

"We're just messing around" Ruby giggled.

* * *

She didn't see him for a while afterwards. And no one would tell her where he went but when he came over hours later, his knuckles were bruised and bloody. Upon questioning him on where he went, his only answer was "the station" and that was the end of that.

Whatever happened was well deserved, as Graham said when she asked him.

Emma groaned, she swore there was still some glass in the cushions of the couch. She grabbed her stupid crutches and headed for the stairs and she didn't know how long she stood there staring at them, glaring, unbelievably annoyed with all of it. The hole was boarded up.

"What are you doing?" Killian asked from the couch, tilting his head at her.

"I'm sleeping in my own bed, dammit." She snapped.

"You're going to fall and break your other ankle."

"It's not broken."

"Ah, argument still stands." He said, "Unlike you."

"Shut up." She glared at him, "Helllppp me."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know."  
"Wow, then how am I supposed to help you?" He asked as he got up, smirking as he walked to her. She protested when he took one crutch from her and she fell into him, clutching his shoulder. "Put the other down." He instructed and she set it against the wall. "Good girl." He smiled as he patted the top of her head.

"What are yo-" She yelped when he lifted her up. "Oh my god! This is not what I had in mind!" She yelled as she held on around his neck for dear life. He just laughed.

"I'm helping, Swan."

"You're going to drop me!"

"Am not."  
"Put me down."

"Nope." he said as he descended the stairs with her in his arms and she tried not to laugh.

"I hate you."

"Lies." He smirked as headed for her room, gently kicking the door open, "See?" He said as he set her on her bed, "Didn't drop you, did I?"

"You could have."  
"Have a little faith, Swan." He said flopping down next to her. "You're light as a feather."

"Okay." She smiled, it was nice to see him smile. A good turn of events after what happened, after seeing him so furious he was ready to kill someone.

"It's late, I should let you sleep." he said softly and moved to get up but she grabbed him.

"Wait." She said quickly and he turned back to her, "Will you stay?" Her thoughts went to the letter, how she wanted to tell him about it but something told her now would not be a good time. Liam did say Milah acted as though she didn't want him to know, maybe she'd tell him some other time. So, they talked instead about other things…

* * *

In the mid afternoon when it was just her and Elsa in the dimness of her bedroom, she took the letter from her nightstand and handed it over. Elsa would be more mature about it, she was the voice of reason and when Ruby wasn't around, she'd tell her what she really thought.

"What's this?" Elsa asked as she turned the envelope in her hands, "secret admirer?"

"Just read it…" Emma said softly, rubbing at the wrap around her ankle and biting at her lip.

"Are you sure?"

"Please."

"Alright." She nodded, taking note that this was serious. She opened the envelope and unwrapped the contents, blue eyes skimming over the small and delicate handwriting. It took a few minutes to get through it and every second that ticked by Emma's heart beat quickened. Maybe she shouldn't have done that, maybe she should have just kept it to herself she thought as she watched her friends face whiten the further she got through it.

"To the woman who loves him next." Elsa said softly, "Hm." She nodded, setting the letter aside.

"What?" Emma asked as Elsa tilted her head at her.

"Nothing." She said softly, "Just wasn't aware that you loved him."

"Hey, it's a little s-"

"It's a little true." She shrugged, "Okay. So, Milah wrote this."

"Yeah."

"And Killian has no idea it exists?"

"Nope."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know if I can."

"Well, you certainly can, but the question is, should you?" She asked, "How do you think he would handle this?" She shrugged, honestly she didn't know. "Liam gave this to you?"  
"Yes."

"Did he read it?"  
"No"

"Did you ask him if you should show Killian?"

"Yes."

"And he said?"

"He said it seemed like Milah didn't want him to know. And if I do tell him that I need to do it gently."

"So, he advised against it."

"Not really against it but not really for it. If that makes sense." Elsa nodded, flipping through the pages again as she thought for a second.

"It's beautiful." She said as she skimmed through it, "So real, she's talking to you about someone she cared about and while it's beautiful and raw and...powerful, she talks about his insecurities for most of it, there's things in here you shouldn't bring up using the letter penned by a dead woman."

"So don't show him…"

"Not what I said." Elsa said setting it aside, "Don't show him right now. I want you to wait."

"How long?"

"Well, if Liam's instinct was correct, you have the rest of your life to show him, you could give it to him in a few weeks, months, his birthday, your wedding-"  
"Whoa who's getting married?!" Her mother asked as she passed the bedroom door, basket full of clothes in her arms as she backpedaled to stand in the doorway. "What the hell did I miss?"

"Skippin a few steps there, Em." Ruby said as she brushed passed Mary Margaret, "Well...maybe not. You already slept together soooo."

"We're not- you missed the whole conversation." Emma ran a hand through her hair as she set the letter back in her nightstand.

"Oh?" Her mother questioned, "What were you two talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Bull." Ruby spat, hand on her hip. Emma looked at Elsa.

"Did you guys see Neal's face?" Elsa asked quickly and Ruby's mouth twisted into a sinister grin.

"Someone really went to town on him." She smiled as she flopped down on the bed. "Probably Killian."

"It was." Emma said softly, picking at the wrap on her ankle and shrugging. One look at his knuckles and you'd know.

"Good." Her mother said as she walked off, "he owes me a new staircase."

"And window!"

"Ruby, I know that was you."

"But he caused it."

"True."

"Guys." Emma said, "How bad was it?"

"Bad enough his daddy is demanding charges be filed for assault." Ruby shrugged, "He almost killed him."  
"What?" _If someone hurts you, or tries too, he'll take their life if given the chance._ The part of the letter she was hoping wouldn't be an issue. Elsa looked at her, she seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"As if Graham is going to do anything about it." Ruby said with a shrug. "He probably joined in." Emma ran a hand over her eyes and sighed, he can't be that stupid. He can't.

"What the hell did I get myself into?"

"He shouldn't have touched you, he had it coming, little sleazeball."

"That doesn't justify almost killing someone, Ruby." Emma snapped. God, if only she could get up right now. She leaned her head back, a heavy sigh on her lips as she threw her legs over her bed.


	17. Chapter 17 Nothing is Trivial

"Ow...ow...ow…" Emma said softly as she headed down the stairs, her ankle shrieking in horror with every slight application of pressure. Ruby and Elsa were hot on her trails.

"Emma, you're not supposed to be walking!" Ruby yelled as she headed for her, jumping in front of her to stop Emma.

"Your crutches." Elsa said as she handed them to her, but she just pushed them away.

"Screw the damn crutches."

"Em-"

"Move." She said as she leaned on the banister for support. Ruby stayed there and folded her arms over her chest.

"Why are you mad?"

"Why?" She said, "I know what Neal did was awful, but it doesn't make it okay to just go nearly kill him."

"Emma, he beat you!"

"Ruby!" She shouted, "I'm used to it! You don't think that's the first time someone's raised their hand at me? I was in the Foster System they're infamous at putting unwanted children in shitty homes! Now, move!" It was quiet now. Her mother came out of the kitchen, this sad look on her face. Her father looked even more uncomfortable. "He'll get more time than Neal will, if Neal gets any."

"You don't know that." Elsa said softly. She didn't, but it was a likely outcome especially if Gold was involved.

"I have to talk to him before he…" She sighed, sitting on the stairs and running her hands through her hair. Her ankle was screaming and she rubbed it.

"Graham won't let that happen."

"Graham has no say when it comes to sentencing."

"Then we'll get the Mayor involved." Her mother said softly, "She owes me a few favors."

"What can she do?"

"A lot of things." Emma groaned.

"Help me up," she said softly and Elsa grabbed her arm and pulled her up, arm going around her waist as she guided her back up the stairs.

* * *

He came over later, after work and found her exactly where he left her. She glanced at him.

"I'm mad at you." She said simply and he tilted his head.

"Oh?"

"You're stupid." She said softly, the medication was kicking in and she was falling asleep, Henry curled up beside her already sleeping. Killian looked at her with confusion.

"Do you mind telling me, what I've done?"

"You know what you did." She said softly and she closed her eyes for a second, she felt the mattress dip as he lay next to her, his fingers curling in her hair.

"Remind me?"  
"You almost killed him."

"Oh, that." He said softly, "well deserved, love."

"You're not wrong."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't…" She sighed, "Want you to leave me." She whispered and he sighed.

"I won't."

"Don't say that, Graham will be here tomorrow to arrest you."

"No he won't."

"Such an optimist"

"Emma, he took care of it."

"What do you mean?" She asked but she didn't hear his answer, she fell asleep. Turns out the surveillance cameras were _conveniently_ not working that night and any footage that was taken had been misplaced. Killian had an alibi for when it happened, he was with his brother down by the docks the exact time the assault took place and Graham, Graham had no evidence to make a formal arrest. The charges were dropped and the whole thing was forgotten about. He told her the next morning when she woke up to see him still next to her.

"See? Not in jail." He smirked at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Why'd you do it?"

"That's a dumb question."

"You could have killed him."

"He could have killed you." He said softly, "I think that's reason enough. I told you, if he ever touched you I'd kick his ass. Did you think I was joking?"

"No."  
"Then why are you so surprised?" He asked, "now, Henry woke up an hour ago and went down stairs."

"Oh."

"Do you know what that means?" He asked and she shrugged, "I can do this." he whispered and then he kissed her. It took her completely off guard and she made this soft noise like a squeak which made him laugh. "You're adorable."

"Shut up."

"Okay." He whispered and kissed her again but this time it was this deep, hot and heavy, makes-your-head-spin-kiss and she wasn't ready.

She wondered how often he kissed Milah like that.

* * *

A few days later Elsa took her out to lunch at the diner. Bruises darker now and a heck of alot more noticeable. He hit her in the face more than she thought. She didn't want to go, didn't want to leave the house until her ankle was healed and she could actually walk on it, when her bruises were faded and gone and not more prominent than the day it happened.

She went because it was Elsa and she wanted to read the letter again. Wanted to talk about it, she had something else to show her now. Elsa had found something and she wanted to show her.  
They walked into the diner, Elsa holding the door open as Emma came in on her crutches and every freaking head turned. By now the whole town knew what happened, people sent her flowers and cards like she was dying or something. All this unwanted sympathy.

It was overwhelming.

She sat down in a booth and set her crutches against the table, Elsa sitting across from her, glancing around at the people staring at Emma like she was a tragic art piece in a display case. Emma bit her lip.

"Anna's coming to town in a few weeks, that should be exciting." Elsa smiled at her, an attempt to tear her eyes away from the not-so-subtle on lookers.

"Your sister who talks a lot?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. She only met the girl twice since she came here. She talked fast and loud and she travelled all the time. Something Ingrid never really supported until recently.

"That's the one."

"It's been, what? Five years?"

"Three."

"Hm." Emma nodded, "What's up with that?" She asked, "You'd think she'd visit more."

"She's adventurous." She shrugged, but there was a sadness there. Anna was all she had left from her family. Anna and Ingrid. It had to be hard not seeing her everyday. "She gets it from our mother. Which is nice. She's excited to see you."

"Me?"  
"Yes you." Elsa giggled

"Why?" They barely knew each other. She couldn't even remember the last conversation she had with the girl, could barely remember what she looked like.

"She likes you."

"She barely knows me."

"She knows enough."

"What did you tell her?"

"Just...you know, everyday things. Don't worry, nothing about Neal. Told her about Henry, sent her some pictures." She shrugged, "Told her about Killian." She said that art softer, as though that were some sort of secret.

"Great."

"Speaking of." She said.

"Nice segue."

"Thanks, Liam gave me something. To give to you, of course." She said, "It's in my car."

"Is it the box in the backseat?"

"Yep."

"May I ask what's in it?" Emma folded her arms over her chest, "More letters from dead people?"

"No." She said softly, "But Killian doesn't know so-"

"More secrets?"

"I mean you can tell him, he knows they exist he just doesn't know Liam has them... _had_ them. He probably thinks he lost them or something."

"Fantastic." Emma ran a hand through her hair.

"Emma." Granny walked over, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." She said quickly, it was true, she felt fine.

"Stand up, girl, let me look at you." She stepped back and Emma sighed, standing, careful not to apply pressure on her ankle. She leaned against the table. Granny tsked as she gently placed her hands on either side of Emma's head, fingers gently running over the bruises on her jaw and under her eye. "I have half a mind to go over to that station and shove my foot so far up Neals-"

"Killian took care of it." Elsa said softly and Granny nodded, dropping her hands.

"I heard." She said, giving an approving nod, "About time."

"Can I sit down now?" Emma asked in a hushed voice, her eyes darting around, everyone was staring now. Granny turned.

"Will you people stop staring at her?!" She shouted, "She's a young woman, not an extraterrestrial! Now stop." Just like that everyone's eyes went back to their food or the paper.

"Thank you." Emma said softly and she was pulled into a hug. The old woman being careful not to hurt her.

"You know, when Ruby told me what happened. She was a mess. I thought maybe he'd killed you." She said in her ear, "I am very glad you're okay."

"Thanks."

"Take care of yourself, Miss Swan." She smiled as she pulled back, "Now what do you girls want to eat?"

* * *

Elsa drove quietly, the radio low, music serving as background noise as they drove back to her house.

"Ingrid isn't home. Thought maybe you'd like a change of scenery." She said as she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out. She grabbed Emma's crutches and helped her out of the car. The house was large, Ingrid being a real estate agent had paid off and she was able to purchase a large home for the two kids she didn't know she'd end up with. Guess that's what happens when your sister and brother in law died unexpectedly and you're left with two girls you barely know in your care. She walked up the stone pathway leading the the large front door, a thick red and Elsa unlocked it with a flourish.

"You go on in." She said as she walked back to her car. Emma sighed and went inside, their house always gave her this feeling like she needed to light the fireplace and wrap herself in a warm blanket with a cup of hot chocolate. It was wintery, even in the summer and wonderfully cozy. The lights were always dim, candles sending off scents of peppermint or pumpkin and cinnamon depending on what season it was. It was early autumn now, so the house was filled with an apple and cinnamon scent. Emma walked through the large entrance and to the living room where there was a large wrap around couch, soft blue with white throw pillows, circling around the coffee table and fireplace. It wasn't lit but she still felt warm.

She heard the door close as she sat down and saw Elsa rushing back to her, box in hand. It was bigger than she thought. She set it on the coffee table and sat down.

"Okay." Elsa sighed fixing her braid.

"Should we be looking at this?" Emma asked.

"I don't see why not." Elsa said lifting the lid. They were engulfed by the intense smell of lavender and another flowery smell. And dust, a lot of dust. Elsa peered in. She reached in, pulling out a leather bound book with a purple ribbon tied around it. She untied the knot and set the ribbon aside as she handed the book to Emma.

"What is it?" She asked as she wiped off the cover, thick clouds of dust coming off.

"There's a lot in here." Elsa shrugged, "Open it." Emma sighed, feeling a knot in her stomach as she opened the journal. It was a diary, small and delicate, Milah's handwriting.

"We shouldn't…" Emma said softly, closing it. Elsa took it, looking.

"Oh." Elsa said softly, squinting at the small handwriting on the pages. She gasped. "If you want, you can give them to Killian."  
"Should I?"  
"Maybe it'd be good." She nodded.

* * *

Emma sighed, the box at the foot of her bed, tapping the lid with her good foot and waiting. She heard the soft footsteps on her stairs and then the door came open.

"Hey." Killian smiled at her as he came over, sitting on the bed with her, arm going around her shoulders. "What was so urgent?" He asked

"Not really urgent."

"Your mother made it sound urgent. Also, tell me, love why is it I have both of your parents numbers but not yours?" He asked, she shrugged.

"Maybe because I know you'll call me every five seconds for no reason in particular." She said, kind of like how he used to make her go out with him in the middle of the night for no reason in particular.

"What's up with the box?" He asked, changing the subject. She bit her lip.

"That's for you."  
"Me?"  
"Yup." She nodded, "Liam gave it to me."

"He did?"

"I think it should go to you." She said softly and he gave her this look as he reached for the white box.

"What's in it?"

"Open it." She said and he lifted the lid, lavender and flowers. There that smell was and he tensed, probably because knew that scent. It was Milah's perfume.

"Did you read them?" He asked softly.  
"No…"

"Okay." He whispered, his eyes closing for a second as he took a deep breath. He shook his head.

"Are you okay?" She asked, sitting up.

"No." He said softly, a small laugh on his lips, "I haven't seen these in years." He sighed, "I thought…"

"Why did he give them to me?" She asked, technically, he gave them to Elsa, to give to Emma. She didn't understand why.

"Because it's very hard to talk about her." He said softly, "And you seem interested in who Milah was. These, will give you clear incite to her." He shrugged, "There's nothing I wouldn't tell you but there's things even I don't know about her." Her head went straight to the letter, the one he didn't know about, god she wanted to tell him. To reach right into her nightstand and get it out, hand it to him and wait for the bomb to explode. She didn't.

He wasn't ready.

"Was she secretive?"

"Yes and no."

"Well, now you have these." She said softly. It was quiet for a while and then he closed the box.

"Keep them."

"What?"

"Keep the journals."

"Me?"

" _No,_ Ruby. Yes _you_." He said, looking at her, "I think she'd like you to have them."

"Really?"

"Take them, read them, burn them, do whatever you want. I don't…" he sighed, "I don't want them."


	18. Chapter 18 Disfunction

They didn't talk about the journals, but she kept them in her closet. She didn't read any of them, hadn't touched them since that night. Maybe one day she would, maybe one day he'd want them but he didn't want them right now and she couldn't get rid of them. Anna had shown up unexpectedly in the cold night later that week. Rain clinging to her body and causing the hair in her tight braids to slip out in some spots and cling to her face.

She brought a man with her.

Emma watched in the living room of Ingrid's home when the tension exploded and Elsa lost it.

"This is my husband!" Anna said excitedly, clutching his hand and showing off the diamond band around her ring finger as she beamed. His name was Kris and he seemed nice enough. Shaggy blond hair that stuck to his face because of the rainwater and muscles that made him look like he could lift a semi truck with one arm. Elsa blinked, her mouth agape as she took in this new found information her sister forgot to mention when they'd talk on days Anna wasn't travelling around the world and doing god knows what.

Ingrid forced a smile, "That's...lovely." She said, it sounded forced despite the soft smile, the master of fake is what Mary Margaret called her. Elsa just nodded, her mouth in a tight line as she folded her arms over her chest.

It took one day, one Saturday when Ingrid had everyone over for dinner to celebrate Anna's return home. She had been home a full twenty four hours now and Elsa could no longer bite her tongue as they ate and Anna rambled on and on about how her and her husband had met, no more than a month before she was to come home. She married him after two weeks of meeting.

Elsa's fork came down on the plate harder than was intended and Emma glanced at her, hands folding in her lap. Ruby's shoulders slumped a little and Killian shifted beside Emma, his fingers finding hers under the table and squeezing.

"Are you okay?" Ingrid asked tentatively from the head of the large dining room table, patting a napkin on her red lips.

"Fantastic." Elsa said with a deep breath, Emma knew, she was trying to calm herself. Something about all of this made Emma's stomach turn. Elsa doesn't get angry, she's supportive with everything. Something with Anna, maybe it was because she was her little sister and she was gone for years without so much as a "I miss you" only to come back with a man she barely knew, a newlywed at barely twenty two. It was stirring something inside Elsa she had never seen before. Emma's mother excused herself quickly, clearing empty plates and going with Ingrid out to the kitchen, Emma wanted to follow.

Emma could barely stand.

So she sat where she was and watched the bomb tick.

"So, Emma.." Anna began, "Want to tell me what...happened?" She gestured at her face, still bruised despite the makeup she wore to try and cover it up. She tensed and she felt Killians fingers squeeze around her own. She stared into Anna's blue eyes, the ones that matched Elsa's, as she asked a completely inappropriate question at the worst of times.

"Uhhh…" Emma shrugged, "I fell down the stairs." It wasn't the whole truth, but it was true nonetheless.

"Are you sure?" She asked, eyes darting between her and Killian, she eyed him suspiciously almost like she knew it was him who did this to her.

She didn't need to know.

"Anna." Kris said softly, as though he were trying to help, to tell her this wasn't the time to talk about Emma's bruises and twisted ankle. He reached for her hand.

"How is Henry?" She asked, a small smile on her lips.

"He's good." Emma said softly, she was glad he wasn't here, with Graham and David at the station most likely running around in excitement.

"That's great." She smiled, "Kids are great." She beamed and that look on her face, Killian caught it first muttering a soft "uh-oh"

"Elsa, I have surprise for you." Anna said, "You're gonna be an aunt!" She said with a soft squeal and Kris smiled, leaning over to kiss his wifes cheek. Elsa's hands came up and slammed down on the table as she stood. She bit her lip.

"Could all of you please leave us alone for just a second. I need to speak to my sister." She said calmly and they all stood, scrambling to stand outside in the autumn air. Emma leaned on Killian, her ankle hurt but she could walk on it. Not for long periods of time, but still and the heels she wore probably weren't helping matters. He steered her towards the porch swing, helping her sit down.

"Does it hurt?" He asked softly, lifting her legs and laying them across his lap, her heels hitting the porch.

"Yeah." She breathed. Ruby sighed, sitting on the steps and running a hand through her hair. Liam was here too, but he was in the kitchen talking to Emma's mother and Ingrid.

"Anna is a piece of work." Ruby said softly, "Did you see how she looked at you?" She was speaking to Killian.

"Yep." He nodded, he didn't seem to care or be all that interested in the conversation, as he rubbed tiny circles in Emma's ankle, it soothed it a little.

"Does she not remember Neal?" Ruby asked shaking her head.

"She probably does." Emma said softly, "That was years ago, she doesn't know he resurfaced."

"It's Storybrooke, she had to have heard by now."

"You're not wrong." Emma said softly, "What time is it?" She asked, she wanted to go home, see Henry. This dinner was...well, a disaster. They were quiet now, listening to the argument brewing inside.

"This is by far the stupidest decision you have ever made!" Elsa shouted at her, completely losing her head, "You barely know the guy and now you're pregnant!?"  
"I love him!" Anna spat back, "You wouldn't understand!"

"Anna, you are too young-"  
"Did you say that to Emma?" Everyone's head turned.

"What?"

"When she got pregnant. She was seventeen. She was younger than me and unlike her, the guy is sticking around. Did you yell at Emma, tell she was too young? No, from what I remember you were very supportive!" She shouted. Killian looked over at Emma, who had sunk further down in the swing and was a little angry she was brought up in this argument.

"That was completely different and you know it." Elsa's voice had gone soft, calm, dripping in cold ice. "You are my sister. I want what's best for you."

"Right."

"Anna, do you even have a job?"

"I'm working on it!"

"Uh-huh, Kris, does he have a job?"

"He's a writer."

"Yeah? How much does that pay, you gonna be able to pay for a baby? A crib, diapers, formula, clothes? Are you going to travel with a baby? God, Anna, how could you be so-"

"At least I'm not still living at home, mooching off of my aunt."

"Wow, okay." Elsa sighed, "Anna, this isn't about me."

"Never is."

"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"You're always patronizing me!" She shouted, "Every decision I ever make you pick it apart."

"Because every decision you make is idiotic! What would our parents say?"

"Last I checked, dead people don't get an opinion." Silence. They heard the soft clicking of heels against the hardwood floor of the dining room.

"Anna, Kris, go upstairs and unpack your things. We'll talk later." Ingrid instructed and they were gone in a flourish. "Elsa, sit." Then the door opened and Ingrid popped her head out.

"You guys can come in now." They stayed where they were.

"I'm gonna go see how...Elsa's doing." Ruby said softly as she headed in the house, "If you two want to leave I'll tell them something came up."

"Thanks." Emma said softly. Still upset she was brought up. They stayed outside, the crisp cool air causing their breath to come out in little puffs of clouds.

"You okay?" He asked, setting her feet down and pulling her to him so she could rest her head on his shoulder.

"Yeah." She said softly, "It's cold we should go back inside." He stood, fingers finding hers and pulling her up with him. Inside it was cold, but not temperature wise, more metaphorically. Elsa sat on the couch, visibly shaking. She was angry in a way Emma had never seen before.

"Anna shouldn't have said that, she knows the circumstances. It was out of line." She said looking at Emma.

"It's fine." She said softly, biting her lip. "You alright?"

"No."

"What do you need?"

"Someone to give my idiotic sister a reality check."

"Can't do. I'm kind of a bad role model." Emma meant it as a joke. Elsa didn't laugh. Bad joke.

"She better apologize to you. _Both_ of you." Elsa's eyes darted between Killian and Emma. "She had no right to accuse you."  
"Technically, she didn't." Killian shrugged.

"She looked at you with suspicion. That's enough."

* * *

They walked down the street, his jacket hanging off her shoulders. He insisted she take it, even if she said she wasn't cold. It was a lie, she was freezing but now he'd be cold. He didn't seem to mind the bitter autumn air and his hand was surprisingly warm against her frigid fingers.

"That was...interesting." Killian said as they walked. She nodded.

"I've never seen Elsa so mad before. It's strange, she's usually pretty even tempered." Emma shrugged. Emma sighed as they approached her house. It was dark inside and no one looked to be home, which meant Henry was at the station with her father still and her mother was still at Elsa's. She didn't want to be alone. She turned to him.

"Uh…" She said softly, shifting on her feet, "Mind if I come over?"

"Not at all." He smiled as he reached for her hand again and pulled her with him.

His house was warmer than she thought it would be, considering he hadn't been home much that day. She handed him his jacket and he laid it over the arm of the couch.

"Does your ankle still hurt?" He asked, noticing the way her hand went to it once she sat down. He walked over and pulled off her shoes, setting them by the door.

"A little." She said softly and he sat next to her. His hand coming up to brush her hair back behind her ear.

"What can I do?"

"Can I have some water?" She asked softly. He smiled and got up, once he got it for her, they watched a movie in the darkness of his living room. She didn't make it halfway through, falling asleep curled up against him and by the time he woke her up it was passed midnight.

"What time is it?" She asked.

"Almost two." He said softly

"I need to go home." She whispered, but she didn't want to move.

"You can stay here." He suggested and genuinely looked surprised when she didn't protest. Just nodded. The doors would be locked anyways and she didn't have her keys. He whispered, "come on." And pulled her up with him.

He gave her a sweatshirt to change into and didn't look while she dressed. She wouldn't care if he did, not like he hasn't seen it. Cringing at the memory of her ripping her dress off in front of him because she was drunk and didn't give a shit at the time. She checked her phone, surprised to see it wasn't being blown up by her worrisome parents. Or Ruby. She set it on the nightstand and climbed in bed, the sheets were really soft on her bare legs. She was already half asleep when his arms went around her, fingers curling in her hair.

"Today was hectic." She said softly, "I hope Elsa's okay."

"Liam will make sure she is."

"What's going with those two?"

"I don't know." he said, "I don't interrogate my brother, love."

"You should start."

"I'd rather not." He said softly, "What do you think is going on?"

"I think they're not being very subtle if there is something."

"Liam's not subtle."

"Hmmm."

"He tells it like it is. It's both a blessing and a curse." He continued to stroke her hair, gentle caresses and she could tell she was getting too used to him putting her to sleep like this. She turned to face him.

"I didn't read Henry to sleep."

"He'll forgive you."

"What if he doesn't?"

"Swan, he's four." Killian said, "I think it'll be okay." She bit her lip. Still, she should have at least called and checked in, but her parents were likely asleep and they knew who she was with. Which meant a brutal interrogation from her slightly _nosey but with good intent_ mother. "You forgot to wash your makeup off."

"Too late."

"Swan."

"Sleepy."

"Uh-uh, you are not getting makeup on my pillows. Up." He said getting out of bed. She sat up and he came around to get her to her feet.

"I hate you." She said softly as he tugged her to the bathroom.

"No, you don't." He smirked flipping on the light and turning on the water in the sink. He grabbed a washcloth and wetted it before grabbing her hand again and tugging her towards him. He was gentle as he wiped off the makeup she wore, the bruises showing up again and she didn't look in the mirror, just at his eyes, a pretty blue with flecks of silver.

"Has anyone told you how pretty your eyes are?" She asked and he chuckled.

"Got them from my mother." He said softly, "That's about all I got from her. Liam looks more like her than I do."

"So you look like your…" She trailed off, remembering what he told her about his dad.

"Scumbag of a father, yes." he said setting the washcloth down and sighing, "You can say father, I had one, just don't like him very much."

"What happened to him?"  
"I don't know, maybe he's dead." He shrugged, "Never heard from him again after he left us. Last I heard from some sources, he was in prison."

"Do you have any pictures of your mom?"

"Somewhere." He said softly, "I'll have to look." She suddenly felt this small tinge of pain in her chest. She'll never know who she looked like most, or whose she smile she had, or where she got her curls, or why she was thrown away like a piece of garbage.

"Emma?" Killian questioned, "What's wrong?"

"I'll never know whose eyes I have." She said softly and maybe it was the drowsiness, or the stressful week she's been having, or hell, even the prescription she was on. She felt tears stinging her eyes and he acted quickly, pulling her in and enveloping her with his arms.

"Emma" he said her name softly, "They were stupid to do that to you."

"Can we go to sleep now?" She asked, stepping back, but letting him hold her fingers, which were cold again. Probably bad circulation because it was warm in here and she didn't understand why her whole body was freezing.

"Okay." he said softly, but he leaned down to kiss her, lips connecting with hers in a soft and sweet kiss and she might have tilted her head a little to deepen it. That caused him to stop and pull back. "Emma, you're upset." He whispered. She shook her head.

"Not anymore." She said softly, she meant it, the pain she felt was gone and the tears had dried up without even falling and she was genuinely okay now. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled.

"I thought you were tired."

"Dude, just shut up and take me to bed." She rolled her eyes as she connected their lips again, this time he didn't stop and she didn't want him to.


	19. Chapter 19 Confession

She woke up to the sound of her phone buzzing on the nightstand beside her and at first she didn't register where she was. Then she heard his steady breathing next to her and she got this stupid little flutter in her chest. Emma sat up, reaching for her phone, which was ringing, on and on and on. She didn't get in time, the buzzing stopped as her hand reached it. She picked it up, checked the contact. Twelve missed calls, all from Ruby and twenty three text messages. She sighed and checked the texts. Only one was from her mother.

 _M: Henry's in bed, the doors are unlocked. Have fun and be careful._

She bit her lip and glanced at Killian, who was still asleep, it was early enough in the morning to sneak home and her parents wouldn't know. She clutched the blanket to her chest and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Her phone went off again and she answered it.

"Hello?" Emma whispered, glancing at Killian again.

"Dude, where are you, you said we could go get breakfast." Ruby said loudly in her ear.

"Sorry…" Emma whispered, "Uh…"

"Why are you whispering?" She asked.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Ruby." She hissed, "Now is not the time. I'll meet you at the diner."

"Leaving so soon?" His lips were at her ear, fingers skimming up and down her bare back and she jumped, she didn't even know he moved.

"Who was that?" Ruby asked on the other end. He tsked.

"You'd think she'd know." He whispered and Emma rolled her eyes.

"Wait." Ruby said, "Is that Killian?"

"It might be…" She whispered, he was pressing soft kisses up and down her shoulder, her neck, knuckles running up and down her ribs, the side of her breast, her thigh and her skin broke out in little goosebumps and she blew a shaky breath, causing him to chuckle softly against her neck.

"You can leave whenever you like." He said softly, "But next time at least wait until I'm awake to take your leave." Her eyes slid closed as he continued his ministrations, she had half a mind to just cancel on Ruby and stay here. She hung up the phone and threw it on the nightstand.

"Need I remind you how I woke up without you the first time?"  
"I would have stayed." He said softly, "But I didn't have a choice."

"I have to go." She whispered but made no movement to get up.

"Then go."

"Then stop touching me." She said softly and he hummed against her ear.

"Don't think I can." He smirked, "You're so soft." His hand was inching up her thigh now, fingertips barely touching her skin.

"Killian...quit it." She breathed, turning in his arms. He eyed her for a second and then leaned down, lips inches from hers now, but he didn't kiss her.

"Make me." He said it in this low growl that tied her stomach in a tight knot and if it wasn't the hottest thing to ever hit her ears, she didn't know what was. Her lips crashed into his before he had time to say anything else.

"I thought you had to leave." He breathed against her lips. "Dirty liar." And with that he pressed her to him and she gave a soft shriek when he rolled them over so he was ontop of her.

"Five minutes." She whispered as his lips went to her neck. She really didn't need Ruby breaking his door down.

Five minutes turned into an hour and three missed calls…

She wasn't entirely sorry.

* * *

Emma didn't cancel on Ruby on purpose, but when she answered the phone the sixth time her friend called, she was told not to worry about meeting her she just needed the dirty details.  
Maybe she owed her that much.

"So, you're staying?" Killian asked, this hopeful little flicker in his eyes as he handed her a cup of coffee. It was six in the morning, her parents wouldn't be up yet and Henry was likely still asleep. As long as she was out of here by eight, she didn't see the problem. Emma bit her lip as grinned at him.

"I have some time to kill." She shrugged, "What do you want to do?" The way his eyes lingered over her creamy legs poking from beneath his sweatshirt, her pale skin contrasting against the grey fabric, pretty much answered the question.

"I'd like to show you something." He smiled and then without another word, he was gone. She set the coffee on the nightstand and pulled her hair into a loose braid. She got up, eyeing a painting that hung over his dresser. An anchor submerged in dark blue waves. She noticed down in the corner was Milah's signature and she wondered if she painted every painting in this house.

"Emma." Killian said as he entered the bedroom again, something in his hand. "Look what I found." He held it up, an old photo album, dusty and tattered. "Took some time. You're a very heavy sleeper, darling." He smirked, pressing a kiss to her hair.

"You looked while I was asleep?"

"Yes."

"Didn't even give me the chance to help?" She pouted as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Can't help if you don't know what you're looking for."

"You could have told me."  
"You just want a reason to look through my stuff." He tugged her back to the bed, resting his back against the headboard and she curled into his side as he lay the photo album across his lap. He opened it and flipped through it, pointing out a few pictures and explaining the captions. This must have been really old, considering all of the pictures were of a small Liam and an even smaller Killian. She tried not to let it get to her, the knowledge she didn't have any baby pictures. No dusty photo albums for her to hunt down in the middle of the night, no happy captions with small smiling faces.

"There she is." Killian said softly, pointing, "The original Mrs. Jones."

"Oh my god." She whispered, tilting the album more to face her. She was _gorgeous,_ unbelievably and stunningly beautiful. She stared at the picture, this woman sitting at a piano in the dark and dim lights of her home, a small boy on her lap. She was smiling, forever captured in a laugh. Her brown curls cascading down her back, reaching for her waist. And those eyes, he definitely got them from her, a swirling and intense blue, bright and happy and Emma could look at them forever. The christmas lights strung up on the wall behind her, casted a bright white glow on her face that made her look nearly heavenly.

"You have her smile." Emma said softly, yes, Liam looked more like her but Killian. Killian got her bright blue eyes and her beautiful, happy smile, right down to the dimples. "She looks really happy."  
"She was." Killian said softly. Emma leaned her head on his shoulder and ran a thumb over the small handwriting at the bottom of the picture.

"Is that you?" She asked, pointing to the baby on her lap, and he nodded. She smiled and turned the page, she liked these small family moments captured and held onto. She wished she had some.

"This is my favorite." She said softly, pointing, it was his mother in an ocean styled nursery, lifting a small infant up from his crib, mouth agape in a happy "awe" Liam standing beside the crib holding onto his mother's skirt. She didn't see any pictures of his father and she noticed some pictures on some pages were missing. She was a little disappointed, she wanted to see what he looked like. She knew better than to ask him.

"Is it?" He asked. His voice was soft, a little sad. "Maybe one day we can recreate it." He said without thinking about it and her head snapped in his direction.  
"What?"

"I think you heard me."

"I think you need to slow your roll there, Jones." She said and he laughed as he moved the photos and set them down beside the bed, hand coming up and resting on the back of her head.

"What are you-"

"Be quiet, love, I was only kidding." He whispered as he kissed her, stifling her giggles as he deepened it. This wasn't helping her ankle, she didn't care all that much. Something told her, he wasn't kidding and that kind of scared her. She let him kiss her for a little bit before making a soft sound of protest and pushing against him. He pulled back, breathless.

"Got anything to eat?" She asked softly and he smiled, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before pulling her up with him.

"Would grilled cheese suffice?" He asked as they headed for the kitchen, her hand in his.

"You don't have any breakfast food?" She asked as he flipped on the kitchen light. He shrugged.

"Not a breakfast person, love." He smirked as he opened the fridge. Now in the florescent lights of his kitchen she could see very clearly the thin pink lines going down his back. She might have dragged her nails down his back while they were, _well…_

"Grilled cheese is fine." She said as she leaned against the kitchen island and watched him. She watched the clock, it was seven now.

"Good."

"I have to go soon. Henry will be up."

"I understand." He said and it was quiet as he cooked for her, quiet as they ate and then it was time for her to get dressed and go.

* * *

As the afternoon rolled around, she heard someone banging on the door of her home and nearly had a heart attack. She opened the door to find a teary eyed Anna.

"Can I talk to you?" She asked through her tiny sobs and Emma nodded, sitting on the front steps with her. Apparently there had been another blow up over at Ingrid's and Elsa and Anna had gotten into it. Words were said, doors were slammed and now she was here.

"I don't know what to do." She cried as she held her head in her hands. Emma didn't know what to say, she was mostly on Elsa's side. "Why can't she just be supportive?"  
"Because what you did was stupid." Emma blurted and when she looked at her, she softened her voice a little, be a little more gentle. "You left and didn't come back, you barely ever called, or wrote, you didn't visit, not once." Emma said softly, "You came back after three years, married and pregnant without so much as an; _I miss you_. And you expected her to just open her arms to you, to automatically support the decisions you made."

"E-"

"She's going to be angry, she's going to yell and scream because that's what people do when they care about you. What happened, happened and you can't change it."

"She supported you."

"No." Emma said softly, "She wasn't as angry or even angry for that matter. She warned me about Neal and I didn't listen, she reminded me of that constantly. The circumstances were a little different. For example, she didn't walk in on Kris beating you after he found out. She was a little gentler with me because of what happened. Keep in mind, you're her little sister, it's different with you."

"Sometimes I swear she thinks she's my mother." She said softly, "I'm sorry I...I shouldn't have dragged you into it last night."

"It's okay." She shrugged, "Elsa will come around, and you just have to give her time to process everything."

"I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you." Anna said softly, "Growing up without...parents for so long and then becoming one so young."

"It wasn't easy." She didn't want to talk about this, the night she actually told her parents, fresh in her mind. How she begged and pleaded with them not to send her back, to not throw her away like everyone else did because she did what she told herself she wouldn't do. She got comfortable with them, she got attached to the idea of being a part of their little family. How her parents held her so tight with their shaking limbs because by the end of her pleas they were crying too. She bit her lip, shaking the memory from her head and standing.

"You'll figure it out." She said softly, Anna stood. "You're not alone in this. You said it yourself, unlike me, the father stuck around." She headed back inside.

* * *

He needed to talk to her that was fine, so she let him in as the sun went down and she was getting ready for bed and he held her as she listened to him. Her mattress wasn't as soft as his.

"I'm leaving." Killian said, he said it carefully, he said it slowly and she sat up. This twist of terror in her gut because maybe he didn't actually want to be with her, the whole time he was just trying to get in her pants and now that he got what he wanted. He was leaving her.

"What?" Was all she could say, trying to hide the emotions bubbling up in her chest, the heart ache and he wasn't even gone yet. She failed. His eyes went wide as he realized how it sounded, what he said, and he kissed her so hard she nearly fell back.

"Not you, never you." He said as he kissed her, hard kisses turning soft and sweet as he stroked her cheek, held her tight as she calmed herself down.

"Then…"

"I'm going with Liam." He said softly, "We used to do it every few years. Go on a trip before he leaves to return to duty. We sail around the ocean, love. I'm not leaving you."

"How long?" She asked, still recovering from her slight freak out and he linked his fingers with hers.

"A little while."

"How long?" She asked again, more firmly and he sighed.

"A little over a month, maybe two."

"A _month_?!"

"I know. It sounds like a long tim-"

"Because it is."

"I'll be back to annoy you before you know it." He said softly, "I'll write to you, I'll call you. It'll be like I never left."  
"When are you leaving?" She asked

"Sometime next week." She wanted to be selfish, ask him to stay, because before when they weren't...before she'd be overjoyed with his departure, but now. It already hurt and he was right in front of her. He needed this time with his brother, needed to catch up with him. He said before he hadn't seen much of him since Milah died and she couldn't just beg him not to go. As if the conversation hadn't happened, he stood.

"Let's go for a walk." He smiled, "I can explain to you further if you'd like." She got up, followed him down the stairs and out the door. It was pitch black out and she didn't want to think about the fact she wouldn't be able to have these nights with him for a whole month...almost two. He held her hand as they walked, warm against her cold ones. Her hands seemed to almost always be cold. She talked about how Anna had beaten down her door earlier and the food fight she had with Henry and her parents and she didn't realize how fast she was talking or how he was staring at her so intently, this smile on his face as he looked at her in awe.

"I love you." He said it softly and she almost didn't hear it, but she did and she stopped walking.

"What?" She asked. He blinked, seemed like he didn't even realize he said it and then he smiled again. "What did you say?"  
"I said," He stepped towards her, "I love you." She opened her mouth and then closed it. Completely and utterly speechless. "I know it's...soon, but...I do." He took her hand again, fingers caressing hers fondly. "You don't have to say it back, or say anything at all. I just wanted you to know." She didn't know what to say, and her heart was pounding so hard she thought it might burst. She probably looked insane right now, her eyes wide, mouth open. "I love that I have the ability to render you speechless." He smiled and then kissed her.

Was it bad that it felt more like a goodbye than a confession?

* * *

A/N


	20. Chapter 20 When You Love A Liar

"I didn't know you smoked." Emma said as she headed up the front steps of the house, finding Ingrid sitting on the porch swing, a cigarette nestled between her fingers. She shrugged.

"I think my lungs can make an acception." She said, leaning back, she waved Emma over to sit beside her and put the cigarette out, "Just don't tell Killian."

"Why would he care?" She asked and she gave her this look. Oh, right. Wife died of cancer, probably wouldn't go over well. "Uh. Is Elsa inside?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Emma said softly, "I brought her some chocolate."

"How is Henry?"

"Good."

"That's good." She smiled and then ran a hand through her platinum blonde hair. She sighed, running her hands over her face, "I apologize for how Anna has been, she had no right to bring you into it."

"She already apologized."

"Good, good." Ingrid nodded, "She has an appointment later today, she's nervous. I don't know what to tell her, Elsa won't talk to her. This house is so angry."

"Hey, I get it."

"It's not even that she did it, it's how she did it. You know? Her mother was so very excited to one day watch at least one of her precious girls walk down the aisle. Now that she's gone, all that excitement has shifted to me and let's face, Elsa is never getting married. I feel like...we've been deprived of such a wonderful moment." She sighed again, "And now she's pregnant."

"At least she didn't show up after she had the baby."

"True, she very well could have." Ingrid said softly, "She means well but she's so quick to make huge decisions in an attempt to show everyone she can make it on her own. She ends up doing more harm than good. I hope one day she understands why Elsa was so upset."

Elsa was in her room, running her fingers through her soaked hair as she worked it into a braid and she jumped when Emma came in.

"It's usually me who barges into your room." She commented, dropping her hands to her lab, legs crossed in a pretzel on her bed. The deep blues and blacks reminded her of Killian and her heart may have sped up a bit. Emma smiled and held up the small purple bag.

"I brought you some chocolate." She said as she crossed the room to her. Elsa gave a soft squeal as she took the bag and tore it open.

"I love you."

"Okay." She laughed.

"Anyways. What brings you here?"

"Just thought I'd check on you." She said softly, running her hand over the baby blue sheets on Elsa's bed.

"How nice." She sighed. Emma looked around, it had been a while since she'd been in Elsa's bedroom. She still had framed pictures of her, Ruby, and Emma on her wall and a few of her parents and a small Anna. The closet was open, a bundle of white satin fabric poking out from a row of other dresses.

"What's that?" Emma asked. Elsa shrugged.

"My moms wedding dress."

"I didn't know you had it."

"It's Anna's size, exactly, it fits her perfectly. I was hoping one day I'd get to see her wear it." She shook her head, "I guess it'll never happen."

"You could wear it."

"Ha!" She laughed, "Right, like I'll ever get married." She plopped a piece of chocolate in her mouth, "Do me a favor."

"Okay?"

"Please have an extravagant, beautiful wedding with all of your friends."

"I'm not-"

"Hey, Ruby is too wild to ever think about settling down. You, on the other hand, are a different story. Maybe in like ten years, just do it. It'll be fun."

"Why are we talking about this?"

"Because we have nothing else." She tilted her head, "Woooould you rather we talk about that bite mark on your neck?"

" _What_?"

"What?"

"How should I wear my hair for this wedding in ten years?" Emma asked quickly

"Totally down."

"Down?"

"Yeah, ooooo, you should wear a flower crown."

"A flower crown?"

"It's like all the rage these days." Elsa said as she plopped another piece of chocolate in her mouth.

"Okay but, will it be all the rage in ten years?"

"True." She thought for a second, "Can I be your Maid of Honor?"

"I think you'll have to fight Ruby for that one."

"I will take her down." She whispered.

"I have an idea."

"Tell me."  
"Why don't you just ask Anna to have another wedding? I mean, I don't know her very well, but I don't think she's the City Hall kind of girl."

"Do you think she regrets it?"

"Not having the fancy wedding with the poofy dress? Yeah."

"Are you just trying to get out of this conversation?"

"Maybe."

"It's not like she'd go for it. I mean, that dress has a corset. She's pregnant and you know this town, people will think it's a shotgun wedding. I can't let my baby sister be the girl who marries someone just because she's pregnant."

"Elsa."

"Hm?"

"She barely knew him before she got married, I don't think people will be talking about the baby bump."

"You're not wrong. I have a question." She said softly and she looked at her hands as she thought of how she would ask it. "If...things had been different…" she started, "If Neal hadn't...done what he did and he had asked you to marry him when he found out you were pregnant. Would you have said yes?"

"Yeah."

"That was quick."

"I loved him." Emma said softly, "I thought he loved me, if he had asked me to put a gun to my head I wouldn't hesitate."

"That's dark." She raised her eyebrows, "Okay another question."

"What are we interrogating Emma about?" Ruby asked, slamming her body down on the bed, "I know I should have called, but like, Granny let me off early. Oh, chocolate." She grabbed the bag. "Go on, ask."

"Emma." Elsa looked at her.

"Go ahead." She said.

"Okay, totally hypothetical, if Killian asked you to marry him, would you say yes?"

"Don't do that to me." Emma breathed.

"Answer." Ruby said, coming out more as a squeal than actual words.

"Uuuh…" She sighed, "Probably not."

"Why?"

"Lies." Ruby groaned, "You know you'd say yes."

"How did we get on this topic?" Emma asked, shaking her head.

"Why wouldn't you-"

"Because that's like...ridiculously soon. I don't...okay, what if we can't live together?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm a messy person, I throw my clothes everywhere, I leave towels in the bathroom...I don't make the bed. He's a neat freak, you've seen his house."

"Okay, that's negotiable, you learn to be more clean and he learns to not get worked up over it. Boom, problem solved." Ruby said.

"It's all about compromise." Elsa nodded.

"Why are we still talking about this?" Emma asked and then sighed, "Have you talked to Anna?"

"Nope."

"Still avoiding her like the plague, I see." Ruby commented, "She's your sister, dude. It's not a fun conversation, but you have to have it."

"I know." Elsa groaned.

"She seems to think she can talk to me." Emma shrugged, "When she should be talking to you. I'm not close to her, I don't know what to tell her."

* * *

She ended up having to leave after a while, something happened. By the time she arrived, the sun was setting and the sky had turned an orange red color and he was leaning against his car in Granny's parking lot.

"I would have picked you up. You didn't have to walk." Killian smiled at her but even she could tell it wasn't genuine. Panic set in, did she do something? Was he mad?

"What happened?"

"I lied to you the other night."

"What?" She asked, "about what?" He shifted.

"I'm not leaving." He said with a shrug, "Or I am, I'm just not going where I said I was going and Liam is coming with me. It was kind of his bright idea in the first place."

"Where are you going?" She asked slowly. His discomfort was increasing but she stayed where she was.

"Liam received a letter in the mail a few months ago, before he wound up here. Now, you may be wondering what that has to do with me. It was from a federal prison in Seattle."

"Killian?"

"I told you I didn't know what happened to my father. I meant it." He sighed, "in this lovely letter that was sent to my brother, he asked to see his children before he's executed. I don't know why he's being executed, I didn't care to ask. That's where I'm going. To Seattle, to watch my poor excuse of a father get the lethal injection." She opened her mouth to say something but then she closed it because, how was she supposed to respond to _that_?  
"I...uh…" She bit her lip, "What...what do you need? How can I help?" He sighed and then shrugged.

"I wanted to ask you if you would come with me, but I know you can't."  
"I would if I could."

"Yeah." He said softly, "Now that that's out of the way."

"When are you leaving?"

"Day after tomorrow." She walked over to him and smiled, leaning against the car beside him.

"This must be hard for you." She said softly, "I'm sorry."

"He's not dead yet."

"Still."

"I really don't want to do this."

"Then don't."  
"Liam said it'll be good for me. I don't see how. I guess he might be right, can't very well let him go alone."

"Right."

"I'll take you home."

* * *

The day for him to leave came quickly and she stood on the curb in front his house with Ruby as he threw a bag into the back seat of his car.

"I'll be back before you know it." He said softly. She watched him drive away with a promise he'd remember to call her in two days time.

Two days turned to four

Four days turned to six and soon it was a week before she heard anything from him or of him, but we'll get into that later.

* * *

"I'm sure he's just busy." Elsa said softly as she lay on Emma's bed, her shirt rising up to reveal her pale stomach. "He's probably just...spending quality time with his brother."

"He could at least call."  
"You're worrying too much."

"I am worrying a sufficient amount, thank you."  
"Emma."

"What?" She asked, voice muffled by her pillow.

"You could just call him."

"No."  
"Why?"

"Because, what if he's messing with me? It's what he wants."

"Man, maybe the plane crashed." Ruby said, "Ooooorrrr they got in a messy car accident and are in pieces on the highway somewhere."

"RUBY!" Elsa scolded, "Do not say that!"

"Hey got her to grab her phone."

"Shut up." Emma snapped and dialed with shaking fingers, he didn't answer and she didn't have Liam's number. "Elsa, call Liam." She pulled her phone out and shook her head when he didn't answer either. So she was left to worry, head buried in her pillow. He was probably fine, out somewhere with Liam doing fun sibling things.

Then later happened, two in the morning when she was called downstairs by her father throwing on a jacket and grabbing his keys. This look on his face like someone died. He didn't tell her anything, just demanded she get dressed and get in his truck, Mary Margaret would stay with Henry. Upon questioning as she climbed in his truck and he was speeding down the street did she find out that Ruby was right. There was an accident. Semi clipped them as they were coming home and the car was completely totalled.

"Emma." Her father said softly, "You're really quiet."

"How long until…"

"The hospital is three hours away."

"Okay."

"Emma."

"Hm?"

"He's okay."

"The person on the phone tell you that?"

"No-"

"Then there's no way of knowing."

"Em-"

"Can you just drive? I need to call someone." She whispered as she pulled out her phone and dialed. She likely wasn't awake, definitely wasn't awake and she couldn't talk because her throat was closing in on itself and there was something sitting on her chest that weighed a thousand pounds. Her dad kept looking over at her, worry setting in. So she set her phone down and looked out the window. He was okay, he's fine. Probably sitting at the hospital waiting for her with Liam. They got out of the car, a few scratches and bruises, they were _fine_.

* * *

A/N: Hey guys, I'm sick. Fun fact, I cannot stop coughing which is part of the reason this update was not very...good but here it is. The next update will be better.


	21. Chapter 21 Don't You Touch Him

The hospital was packed, doctors running around with blood and equipment and people crying in the waiting room, which was where they were instructed to sit. Wait for an update was what the woman said before quickly heading out of the room, her pager going off and Emma just sat there with her father. She probably looked like a crazy person. Her hair a mess, clothes just thrown on. She hadn't wiped the sleep from her eyes yet. It would be hours before any of her friends got here. No doubt her mother had called everyone in town as soon as they left.

"You should try and sleep some more." Her father said softly

"No."

"Emma."

"I have to stay awake."

"Em-"

"I can't sleep right now." She said softly, "after they tell us something" She looked around for a second, scanned the room because he could be here somewhere. He could be looking for her and she had to stay awake.  
They were told at seven in the morning that Killian was in the ICU, had suffered a magnitude of injuries and that right now they were waiting for him to stabilize before taking him back into surgery. She felt sick. Even more sick when they said his heart had stopped a few times after he got here.  
It was a miracle he was still alive or had made it at all. She was instructed to stay where she was and to wait. She wasn't allowed in the room with him, wasn't allowed to see him. Only family.  
He didn't have any.  
"Just a minute."

"I'm sorry." the woman in the blue scrubs said softly, "We can't let you in. You'll have to stay here until he's moved to a different-"

"I'm just asking for a minute." She didn't get to argue anymore, the woman's pager went off and she was gone.  
"Emma, it's okay."

"It's not." She whispered as she sat down, holding her head in her hands, running her hands over her eyes and leaning back. "He died."

"They got him back."  
"What if they don't next time?"

"There won't be a next time." She swallowed, the lump forming. They mentioned Killian, she asked about Killian but she said nothing of Liam.  
She should have asked about Liam.

* * *

Ruby came in a few hours after. When the sun was up and she looked pissed. She demanded to be taken to him. Had this look on her face that screamed murder and the head nurse at the desk leading into the Intensive Care Ward looked terrified, but she still refused to allow them in.

"Bullshit." Ruby hissed as she sat next to Emma, an empty hallway, feet outstretched in front of them. "Just tell them you're married to him."

"They check."

"Oh."

"Where's Elsa?"

"She doesn't know." She said softly, "Besides, Anna was having problems with the baby last night."

"Oh."

"Having contractions. I think everything's fine now. We know about Killian, but what about Liam?"

"They didn't say anything about another person."  
"Shit."

"Yeah."

"Maybe he...maybe he decided to stay in Seattle, maybe he's on his way here."

"Ruby." Emma said softly.  
"No. No more casualties." Ruby whispered, "I don't want to think about it. The driver?"

"Got out with a broken leg and bad cut."

"Ew."

"He was high on prescription pills." She said softly, "Just hit them. Likely they didn't see him coming."

"I wish he died."

"Don't say that."

"I can say what I want, you're not my mom." She said softly, leaning her head back against the wall and heaving a heavy sigh. Emma closed her eyes for a second, only to be woken moments later by loud beeping and doctors running to the ICU, screaming about tubes and blood and cracking a chest and when they pulled a crash cart over, her heart nearly exploded.

"Emma." Ruby whispered, rushing to her feet, pulling her with her. The curtain had been pulled, revealing who they were screaming about and Ruby's never turned so fast to look away. She pulled Emma's head down, covering her eyes with her shoulder. "Don't look, don't look, don't look." She was whispering but she peeked and she saw gloves streaked with blood and long tubes and the doctors were cutting him open. Right there, right on his bed. They moved their hands, they shocked him.  
One shock.  
Then two.  
Then three.  
And his heart started beating again. Emma was shaking now, if it wasn't for Ruby she might have fallen over. Killian can't do that, his heart can't just stop and then start again. That's not okay. Not a funny joke Killian Jones.

"Can we go somewhere else?" Emma whispered, Ruby nodded and tugged her down the long hallway. She wiped at her eyes, didn't even realize she was crying and followed as Ruby led her somewhere, shaking hand tight in Ruby's manicured one.

"I know exactly what you need." She was explaining as she walked, heels clicking against the hospital tile. She led her to a different part of the hospital, the elevator ride making her dizzy, stopping to ask directions to nurses and interns who passed by. Emma didn't hear what she was saying, her ears were somewhat ringing now.

"Here it is." Ruby said softly, opening a door and pulling her through. A large glass window sat in front of what they were looking at, the door next to them that actually led into the room locked and marked, _authorized personnel only_.

"Look at all the babies." She said softly, squeezing Emma's fingers. The level one nursery, where they kept the healthy, full term newborns. She watched them wiggle around in their little cribs. "Remember when Henry was that small?"

"Yeah."

"Seems like forever ago."

"Yeah." Emma said softly.

"Aw, look at that one." She pointed at one, a little boy in a blue blanket, twisting a turning in his crib. "He does not wanna be in that."

"Yeah." They stood and looked at the babies, nurses and Parents looking at them funny for just standing there staring for so long.

It did make her feel better though.

* * *

He "coded" again. That's what they call it, when someone's heart stops and they have to shock it. He did it again, doctor said he might not make it through the night. Said nothing about Liam. She followed the doctor up to the glass, finding a way to speak again. Her voice coming out hoarse and unrecognizable.

"Excuse me…" She said softly

"Yes." The doctor turned around, his green eyes nearly matched hers.

"Did...they say whether there was another person in the car? His name is Liam Jones. It's his brother, do you know where he is?" His shoulders fell, look on his face that flashed shock and then sadness and oh hell, she knew what that meant.

"No one told you?" He asked.

"Told me what?" She asked, _don't say it._ He ran a hand through his brown curls and sighed.

"He was...DOA." He said softly and she didn't know what that meant. How could she not know what that meant?

"I don't…"  
"He was killed on impact, there was nothing we could have done." He said softly. _Dammit._ Did Killian know? Had he been conscious? Was he aware that his brother was dead? Emma nodded, whispering a soft thank you as she walked away. He'll wake up without a brother. He'll wake up with literally no blood relation left. Ruby cried, a lot more than Emma did. She was pretty much numb to it. She didn't really know him that well, they'd only talked on occasion, like when he gave her that letter.  
The letter. She still had it, she never showed it to him. What if he dies and he never gets to see it? She watched as Ruby tried to bite back her tears to call Elsa and tell her what happened. That Liam is dead. Poor Elsa. She swore they were something.  
Now they're nothing. He's not here anymore.

"Why won't my phone work?" Ruby said through a mountain of tears as she tapped the screen with her finger.

"You turned it off." Emma said softly. Her father had come back again and was looking between them with confusion.

"Henrys okay. I just got off the phone with Mary Margaret, she wants you to call her, Emma." He said softly as he sat down. The waiting room again. Where they never have enough tissues.

"Ruby are you okay? What did I miss?" He asked.

"Liams dead." Emma said softly, she didn't even think about it, how this would affect him. How he'd react. Completely forgot they were friends.  
"Oh my god." He said softly, running a hand through his hair and she just kept her eyes ahead, staring at the nurse at her desk, waiting for her to move. Maybe she could sneak in, see him for a second and then leave. She wanted to see him while he was still breathing, she'd rather see him hooked up to tubes and wires and noisy beeping monitors than see him, pale and not breathing on a slab in the morgue.

* * *

The chapel was cold, a breeze she couldn't find the source of; blowing in and she regretted taking off her jacket somewhere. It was the second day, two days and he hadn't woken up. Had coded a record of three times, the third had been close. Nearly called Time of Death but his heart started beating again.  
She'll punch him when he wakes up for scaring her like this. She hadn't slept at all, had barely eaten. She just needed some quiet, the chapel seemed like a good place to go. There wasn't anyone in here, so it wasn't bombarded with sniffles and tears. She sighed.

"Didn't know you were the praying type." Rubys heels clicked against the hardwood floor, sending a satisfying echo through the chapel.  
"I'm not." She said softly, voice scratchy because, yes. She finally cried. She would pray, she should have gone to church with her parents when they asked her too, maybe then she'd know how to start. Ruby sat down, hair pulled back, makeup scrubbed off. She looked like a completely different person.

"You okay?" She asked, Emma glared. "Right. Stupid question."

"I don't know...what to do."

"Hm?"

"I don't...know how to pray."

"There's really no guidelines. You just kind of talk." Ruby said softly, "Liiiike, like this." She cleared her throat, "Hey God. How's it going? My friend got himself in a...pretty bad accident. It'd be great if you could help us out."

"I don't think that-"

"Tell Milah to keep her ghost hands off Killian, she can't take him." Ruby said softly, looking at the ceiling, "Tell Liam the same thing and tell him Elsa and Killian will be fine. I'm sure he knows that. Thanks father, amen." Emma rolled her eyes.

"You're a piece of work." She said softly. She was right about one thing. Milah better keep her ghost hands off of him. He wasn't hers anymore.


	22. Chapter 22 Restless

It was quiet for a while and she rested her head on Ruby's shoulder. Her friends fingers curling in Emma's tangled hair and if it wasn't for her long, manicured fingernails. She could pretend it was Killian. She could close her eyes and forget for a second that he was somewhere else clinging to life.

"Emma what are we going to do?" Ruby asked softly as the large doors opened and two people came in. They sat in the back, teary eyes and clutching balled up tissues.

"What do you mean?"

"If he-"

"Don't you dare."

"It's a pretty big-"

"Stop."

"Emma." She said her name firmly and for a second, she sounded like Granny. "I get that this isn't something you want to talk about, but it's a conversation that needs to be had." Emma bit her lip, running her fingers over her too heavy eyelids and then resting her head in her hands.

"We'll bury him next to Milah…" She said softly, "I think that's where he'd like to go…"  
"Okay...and Liam?"

"I don't know…"

"Okay." Ruby said softly, "We'll figure it out."

"Did you get ahold of Elsa?"

"No. She's not answering. I tried Ingrid but she's not answering either." She sighed, "When's the last time you slept?"

"I don't know."

* * *

They met her father back outside, where he was getting something out of his truck, a bag. He handed it to Emma.

"Wha-"

"Clothes." He said, "I snuck back home to get some things. I also got you a hotel room."

"I'm not l-"

"Emma, you look like you can barely stand."

"I second that." Ruby said as she took the bag from Emma's hands. "I'll drive you."

"I don't need to lea-"

"I will call you if anything happens."

"I'm fine, I need to stay."

"Go, get some rest, take a shower. It'll be fine, I'll call if something happens. Don't worry." He said softly and then he kissed her forehead and wrapped her up in a hug. She felt so small. She doubted she'd be able to sleep. She leaned her head against the cold glass of Ruby's passenger side window and the bumps and cracks in the road nearly put her to sleep. Everytime she closed her eyes though, she'd jerk awake. She listened to the song on the radio, _Little Red Corvette_ by _Prince_. She was never much of a fan but she saw some records at Killian's and she never really asked if they were his.

She turned it off.

"Hey." Ruby scolded, "I like that song."

"I don't."  
"That should be a crime." She said as she turned into the parking lot, "Let's get you checked in." She said softly, she took the bag despite Emma saying she could carry it. The room was small and dim and it smelled like cleaning chemicals.

"This is cozy." Ruby set the bag on the bed and sighed, "Do you like it?"

"Sure." Emma said softly, she sat on the bed and the conversation died there. Ruby dug out her phone and muttered something about calling Elsa again. Then she was gone. She probably went back to the hospital. Emma ran her hands through her hair and sighed. She sat there for a good thirty minutes before even thinking about trying to sleep.

She changed and laid down, staring at the ceiling and closing her eyes to at least try and sleep, but it wasn't happening. Every Time she thought her phone even slightly buzzed she shot up and checked it. That was every ten minutes. She was tired, sleep was pulling at her eyelids, her whole body felt heavy and weighted but she couldn't go to sleep.

"This is pointless." She muttered to herself as she threw the blankets off and got up. A warm shower sounded good, heavenly in fact. It was three in the morning. The light in the bathroom was way too light and the water didn't have nearly enough pressure to do any good but she showered.

Showered, paced for ten minutes, showered again, paced, shower, pace, shower. She nearly jumped out of her skin when her phone actually began to buzz on the nightstand by the crappy bed. Emma quickly grabbed it.

"What happened?" She asked

"Nothing." Ruby said softly, "I finally got Elsa to answer."

"Okay."

"I didn't...tell her about Liam." Ruby said with a sigh, "That's not something you tell someone over the phone, but she's on the way."

"Okay."  
"Emma."

"Hm?"

"Did you sleep?"

"No."

"Dude."

"I can't, sorry." She said softly.

"Try."

"I did."

"Try harder."

"Ruby."

"I can't have to passing out on the hospital floor."

"Okay but, when's the last time you slept?"

"After I dropped you off."

"Where?"

"On-call room."  
"How did you get...in there?" She asked slowly, not really sure if she wanted to know the answer to this question.

"Well, there's this nurse and he is fi-"

"Stop."

"You didn't even let me get to the good part."  
"Is this really the time to be sleeping around?"

"Everyone copes differently." She said softly, "Anyways. How are you feeling? Better? Not even remotely better?"

"What about Killian?"

"You didn't answer-"

"Tell me." Emma said softly, she was putting her shoes. She needed out of here and the hospital wasn't far away, if she needed to, she would walk. "Ruby." She heard her friend sigh through the phone.

"He had a rough night."

"And?"

"They didn't say much."  
"But they said something."

"I don't know what it's called but they had to take this needle and drain some blood from his chest. I'm not a doctor, I don't know what it's called. He went into shock or whatever and then...he wasn't breathing so-"

"He's not dead, then?"

"No."

"But he almost was."

"...yeah…" She said softly, "He's okay now."

"He's still in the ICU."  
"Yeah."  
"I still can't see him." She said softly. There was still a high chance of him dying, so he wasn't okay. He's not in the clear yet. He doesn't even know his brother is dead. He wasn't okay and he wasn't going to be okay.

Elsa popped up a few hours later as Emma was getting ready to leave the hotel room. She had ended up getting a few hours of sleep but it just made her feel even more exhausted than she was before.

"I brought coffee." She said softly, her voice was hoarse, makeup was runny and she had this look on her face, looked like she had just been told something terrible. She knew now. She knew Liam was dead. Emma stepped back into the room and sat on the bed and Elsa closed the door.

"You look like hell." She said as she handed Emma a steaming cup.

"You do too."

"Yeah." She whispered. "Ruby told me when I got to the hospital. I didn't know it was so bad, I thought they were just...you know, minor cuts and maybe a few broken bones. Come to find out, one is dead and the other is...close to it." She took a sip, "Liam's dead." She said it softly, like this wasn't news, like she didn't already know that. Emma knew what she wanted to say but wouldn't dare say it. The wrong one was dead, the wrong Jones wouldn't be coming home. It was supposed to be Killian.

She probably would have slapped her friend if she even dared imply it. That's probably why she didn't say it.

"I'm sorry." Emma said softly, "I know he was your friend."

"Well." She whispered, "there's nothing we can do." Her eyes filled with tears but she pushed them back. "He kissed me, you know."

"What?"

"Before they left. It was so random, but it happened and I just stood there like an idiot." Elsa sighed, "It was nice. Don't tell Ruby."

"I won't."

"She'll never let me live it down."

"I know."

"I should have kissed him back." She almost told her she'd have another chance, but that was a lie because he was dead now and he'd never randomly kiss her in the street again. He'd never randomly kiss anyone in the street again.

"I'm really sorry, Elsa." She said softly, leaning her head on her friend's shoulder and sighing. Her hair wasn't braided today, something she's only ever seen twice in all the years she's known Elsa. She never had her hair down and around her shoulders. She should wear it down more often, she liked the way it framed her face.

"Anything new and not sad?" She asked softly.

"What if he does?"

"Emma-"

"No seriously." She said, "He told me he loved me and I didn't even…"

"Back up."

"Yes, he told me he loved me."

"And you didn't say it back?"

"No."

"Was he mad? Some people get mad-"

"No, he wasn't mad." She said softly, "He didn't mind if I didn't say it back. But what if he dies before I get to?"

"What if he doesn't die?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love him?"

"Probably"

"Emma"

"Maybe"

"Just say yes, we both know you do." She shrugged, "You can still tell him. There's still time, he didn't die."  
"Elsa-"  
"He's still here." And that was it, the dam broke and tears were streaming down her face. Why couldn't Emma cry? She liked Liam. He was nice. Why didn't she feel anything for him? Emma wrapped her arms around Elsa and for a little bit she let her cry into her shoulder.

Stupid Liam, just had to kiss her and die? Shame on him.

* * *

The hospital was busy, it's a hospital that's normal but it seemed overly packed this particular morning. Ruby sat with her on the floor in front of the glass that looked into the ICU. Technically they weren't supposed to be out here, but it was as close to Killian as she could get and the doctors and nurses that passed paid them no mind.

"Do you think that nurse you...befriended last night would sneak me in?"

"I already asked. He refused."

"I hate him."

"Me too."

"You slept with him."  
"Doesn't mean I like the guy."

"You're evil."

"I know." She said softly, "You wanna play a game?"

"If you say I Spy, I will deck you."

"Damnit." She groaned, "Okay, how about this. I'll fake a heart attack and you'll run in."

"You're too young for a heart attack."

"It'll be a medical mystery." She said, "Have you seen _House_? That stuff happens all the time. They run around trying to figure out what's wrong with the patients. Hey, you know you kind of look like a character on that show."

"Really?"

"Oooh, what was her name?"

"I'm not really intereste-"

"No, you don't understand." She shushed her, "Her name was...Dr. Cameron. Yeah. The resemblance is uncanny."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Okay." She said softly. "We could tell them you're engaged."

"Ruby."  
"It'll totally work"

"Ruby."

"Fine." She said softly, "Where did Elsa go?"

"She had to make a phone call."

"Oh."

* * *

The waiting room was full so they stood. Her father waved them over, he was standing with two people. A redhead with gorgeous green eyes that seemed to glow and a man with sandy blonde hair and less intense green eyes.

"Emma, this is Robin. He's an old friend of Killians. And this is Zelena, Robins...uh"

"Ex girlfriend." She smiled sweetly, fake enthusiasm.

"Sorry it took so long to get here." Robin said as he shook her hand.

"Well if someone hadn't insisted on stopping, we would have been here earlier."

"Zelena now is not the time."

"You're right, Robby." She still smiled. That fake smile that reminded her of Regina a little too much. "Poor Liam." She said softly, "We just heard."

"You look very torn." Ruby muttered, Emma elbowed her. Zelena requested that she be shown where Killian was and they lead her to the ICU but explained that she couldn't go in. Which confused her because apparently where she came from, that wasn't a thing.

"Wait." She turned to Emma, "You're his girlfriend, are you not?"

"Yeah…"

"And they won't let you see him?"

"No."

"Huh." She glanced at the nurse behind the desk and sighed, "One moment." Without another word, she strode over to the head nurse and with her fake smile she began to talk to her. However, a few minutes in, the smile was replaced with a look that struck fear in the hearts of men. The nurse seemed to be backing away almost.

"What do you think she's saying?" Ruby asked.

"I don't know but she looks terrified."

"Anyone else get a serious Mayor Mills vibe from her? Like maybe they're related…"

"Maybe." The nurse walked over with Zelena, annoyed and angry.

"I could lose my job over this." She explained, "Which one is Emma?"

"That would be the pretty blonde." Zelena said, "Go on darling, give the nice woman a wave." Emma held her hand up and the nurse motioned for her to follow.

"Five minutes." The nurse said softly, "Be careful. He's hooked to a lot of tubes and wires and if you-"

"Okay." She was opening the door, closing the blinds so no one could see in and pulling back the privacy curtain. She needed to remember to thank that Zelena woman, but when she saw him her heart hit her stomach. "Oh my god." She covered her mouth because honestly, she thought she might puke. Not that it was gross, but it was surprising. There were so many tubes and wires and machines everywhere and she could barely see him.

"I'll give you a minute." The nurse said softly and then she left. Emma sat in the chair beside the bed and put her hands on the guards attached to the sides of the bed. She wanted to hold his hand, she wanted to run her thumb over his knuckles but she was so afraid to touch him, so she just sat there.

"I don't want to touch you." She whispered, "I do...but. You probably know what I mean." This was weird, she felt like she was talking to a corpse. He probably couldn't even hear her right now. She reached over the railing and just touched one of his fingers. His hand was cold, not warm like they usually were. "Can you wake up soon?" She asked softly, "Kind of miss your annoying voice. No, your voice isn't that annoying. It's actually kind of nice." She sighed and leaned back, just talked to him. Watched his chest rise and fall and after a while, the nurse never came back and she fell asleep curled up in the chair.

* * *

A/N: I'm not sick anymore! Yaaaaayyyyyyy! :) Thanks for reading, guys. See you soon.


	23. Chapter 23 All Over the Place

"You know, Liam met her first." Zelena said softly, her head leaned back against the wall behind them. The waiting room was full and this was the only place they could be.

"What?" Emma asked.

"Milah." She shrugged, "He almost hit her with his car."

"Oh."

"It was hilarious."

"How on earth is that funny?"

"She should have looked both ways before crossing the street. Anyways. They were friends and then she met Killian and, you know what happened after that."

"They fell in love?" Ruby questioned.

"Oh no, dear, she hated him."

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic."

"I'm serious." Zelena sighed, "they hated each other until one day they didn't hate each other anymore. Beautiful, isn't it?"

"I don't-"

"So, the mean lady kicked you out?" She suddenly asked, her head turning so she could face Emma.

"Yup."

"Bitch."

"She's just doing her job."

"She could be a little more compassionate about it. I mean, you are probably the one he wants to wake up to. Most likely."

"It doesn't work like that."

"It should."

"How long was I in there?" Emma asked.

"An hour, maybe two."

"Longer than she gave me."

"So, Zelena. When was the last time you visited?" Ruby asked suddenly, pulling at the laces in her boots as she leaned back against the wall.

"When was Milah's funeral?" Zelena asked softly, "I was here for that and then I went back home. We've talked some since, but not much."

"Why?"

"Why? What is this, twenty questions?" She asked, "she died and then he got so...distant. Like he was trying to just forget everything. I understand, I should have tried harder to stay in his life. Both Robin and I should have tried harder but things happen and people change. People die."

"Liams dead." Ruby said softly.

"Yeah. He is." Zelena bit her lip, "Which sucks…"

"I wonder what they're talking about up there." Ruby said, "Liam and Milah."  
"Probably about how Emma needs to get her ass back in that room."

"Hey."  
"I got you in there once, it's all up to you now." Zelena said softly, "Can't hold your hand, dear."

* * *

They were walking down the street now, Emma and Elsa, both of them tired of hospital coffee. There was a coffee shop down the road an intern told them about early that morning.

"Ingrid is trying to get time off to come-"

"She doesn't have to, there's enough people." Emma said quickly, cutting Elsa off. The woman would bring the whole town and while it was a nice gesture. The staff would appreciate not having the entire town of Storybrooke flooding their waiting room. They walked quietly, the streets freshly rained on and it was quiet, she needed some quiet for once.

"Ruby likes Zelena." Elsa said with a shrug, "she's delightful." She laughed as she mimicked the redheads accent.

"She seems...I don't know."

"Do you think Killian will be happy to see them? Robin and Zelena."

"I honestly don't know." She said softly, "Considering the last time he saw them it was at his wife's funeral."

"Oh."

"If he ever wakes up."

"He will."

"But will I be allowed in to see him?"

"I don't understand that rule. Just because you're not family, he doesn't have any left. You'd think they'd make an acception."

"It doesn't work like that, Elsa."

"I know. So, I mean, you saw him for a little bit...was it bad?"

"I didn't really get a good look at him with all the wires and tubes…" She said softly and then sped up her pace. She didn't want to talk about how it looked, how he looked, because she'd imagine it and that wasn't an option. Elsa quickened her pace as well and linked her arm with Emma's.

"We can talk about something else."

"Okay."  
"Anna's baby is fine."

"Good."  
"It was a close call. Some bleeding...I don't know what it all means, I've never been pregnant. So, I didn't really know how to calm her down. She thinks it's a girl but it's way too early to tell." So they started talking about babies. Started talking about how bad Ruby freaked when Emma went into labor and nearly got in an accident trying to get her to the hospital. The woman prided herself on her driving skills despite the fact she couldn't drive. They got their coffee and started walking back to the hospital.

It wasn't an hour later she was pulled aside by a young woman who couldn't be any older than Ruby. Dark brown curls and deep brown eyes, her tan skin contrasted perfectly against the blue of her scrubs.

"How much have they been telling you?" She asked as she took her to the side and away from everyone else.

"Uh…"

"My name is Dorothy. I'm a resident here. I'm on his case, I've been watching." She said quickly, "Have they told you anything?"

"No. Not really. Just that he's in critical condition."

"Stay." She said and then walked away. She came back with a clipboard and a folder, both thick with papers and she motioned for her to follow. They entered an elevator and she pressed the stop button.

"You'll have to forgive the secrecy, I am not supposed to be doing this but it's annoying and I don't follow rules much." She said softly, "Okay." She flipped through the clipboard and skimmed. "He came in with massive head and chest injuries, most of the critical damage was done to his left side."  
"Okay…"

"Upon coming in it was found that he had suffered an acute subdural hematoma, which is consistent with the trauma to his skull."

"English?"

"It's when blood collects on the surface of your brain. Beneath the skull." She said softly, "Not good. Before that could be fixed, he began to bleed into his chest. Both of which were controlled in surgery. There's no telling the damage it caused until he wakes up, which should be soon. Now, his hand."

"What about it?" Emma asked and she flipped some more.

"It was nearly cut off in the crash"

"Oh my god."

"Dr. Peterson was able to repair some of it."

"What happened to the rest of it?"

"He still has ten fingers, Emma. Don't worry about that. But his ability to use all of them can only be determined when he wakes up. Right now, some of the nerves were shot and he may only have about sixty percent function in his left hand. Can you handle the rest?" She asked the question slowly because now Emma's heart was shrieking in her ears and she had to lean against the wall to keep herself upright. She nodded and Dorothy continued, half it she wasn't able to catch but she heard something about his spine and intense bleeding in the abdomen.

"He'll live." She said softly once she was finished, "He won't want to, but he'll live."

"Okay." Emma whispered, "thank you."  
"There's something else."

"Oh god…"

"When you do get in there, when he's actually awake and responsive, you cannot tell him about the other man in the accident."  
"Liam"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Something like that, has to be told when he's stable enough to not go into arrest. Until then, do not say a word."

"How am I supposed to-"  
"You want him to go home alive?"  
"Yes."

"Don't tell him." She said it firmly, left no room for argument, "I don't know how. If he asks, lie." That'll go over great. Still, Emma nodded and she pressed the button to start the elevator back up again and they were quiet.

* * *

"Do you love him?" Zelena asked as they walked around the block, around the hospital. Just anywhere they could go.

"Why is everyone asking me that?" Emma asked.

"It's just a question, no need to go up in arms."

"It's a dumb question."

"Why? Because you make it so obvious? Honey, I've known you for a day and you're not really affectionate. You're not really trying hard to get in that room either."

"What, so you think I don't?" She snapped.

"Ha, you totally do. You just confirmed it."

"I find you incredibly annoying."

"I'm delightful." Ruby ran up to them, her heels slamming against the sidewalk as she ran.

"Why'd you leave without me?" She asked, breathless.

"Because you were taking forever." Emma said softly, she was too busy laughing and chatting with Dorothy to even let the girl know they were leaving.

"Dorothy's nice."

"Yeah."

"Anyways. Where are we going?" Ruby asked as she squeezed between the two of them. Nearly shoving Zelena off the sidewalk.

"I had to get out of that hospital." Zelena said as she walked a little in front of them. "It is dreadful in there."

"It's a hospital, is it supposed to be-"

"Emma, why is that guy staring at you?" Ruby asked suddenly and all three of them abruptly stopped to look in the direction Ruby was pointing her manicured finger. A man was standing beside his bike, tilting his head and zipping up the leather jacket he was wearing and Emma turned on her heels, this odd sound escaping her lips because she knew who that was. Ruby grabbed her and spun her back around.

"Old boyfriend I don't know about?" She questioned.  
"I am so confused." Zelena commented. "You wanna take a picture, stud muffin!" She shouted.

"Zelena."

"Emma!?" He called for her and then began to cross the street and she froze as he walked up to them, "I thought that was you."

"Emma what is going on?" Ruby asked.

"Ruby, Zelena. This is August." She said softly, "My kind of, sort of, brother." Without another word he scooped her up, arms enveloping her and smiling. She hugged him back, despite the fact she really wanted to slap him.

"Wait...back the hell up." Ruby said quickly, "You have a brother?"

"Not by blood."

"Okay, yeah I got that."

"Did you forget I didn't always live with David and Mary Margaret."

"It's mom and dad, Em." She corrected, folding her arms over her chest. Looking at August like he was a bug that needed to be squashed. He had let her go and stepped back, smiling at her as she rocked on her heels. Having absolutely no idea what to say to him. This guy she hasn't seen in years, the one who left her behind when she needed him and of course none of her friends or family knew about him. She didn't talk about her time in the system because it was irrelevant and in the past. This wasn't the time, this wasn't the time to play catch up. She bit her lip and ran a hand through her hair.

"Ruby." Emma said softly, "But they weren't always mom and dad." She said slowly.

"You're an orphan." Zelena said as she nodded, "Makes sense." She shrugged. "None of my business, I'm going back to the hospital now, I don't need this drama." Zelena laughed and walked off.

* * *

"You never told us!" Ruby shouted as the three of them stood in Emma's hotel room, Elsa on the bed and Ruby pacing and Emma leaning back on the window sill. She was pissed, she understood why.

"It wasn't…."

"Wasn't what? Wasn't important?"

"He was gone." Emma said softly, "I thought I'd never see him again. So, I never mentioned him." She had gotten to talk to him some, apparently he had recently found his father in, low and behold, Storybrooke and was in the process of moving in with him. If they hadn't ran into each other today, they would have a few days from now. She told her father who he was and right now they were downstairs talking, getting to know each other. Her mother would have a cow when she finds out.

"What happened, Emma?" Elsa asked softly, she looked unbelievably exhausted and this wasn't helping her. Still having to deal with Liam being dead and Killian almost being dead, plus everything with Anna. Elsa probably wished she'd get hit by a semi right now. "When he left."

"I've known him since I was a newborn. He protected me from abusive fathers and negligent mother's for years. He's the only one I can call him my sibling because that's how our relationship is. And then one day, when I turned fourteen, I woke up and he was gone."

"Fourteen, that's when-"

"Mary Margaret and David found me. I went out to look for him, I had so many people at that point disappear from my life, I couldn't bare to see him go too. So, I looked for him. For days, I got beat up, hurt, that's why when they found me I had blood on my clothes." Emma shrugged it wasn't the first time someone's taken their anger out on her. At that point she was used to it. "I moved in with them, they adopted me, I never tried to find him again because I had convinced myself I'd never see him again. I didn't tell anyone because, he wasn't coming back. It was irrelevant."

"Emma." Ruby said softly, "What else don't we know?" She didn't answer. Just because they were her friends, that did not give them the right to interrogate her, to get every bad experience out in the open. There were things they'd probably never know.

"God, are you going to tell Killian?" She asked.

"If he lives." She said softly, "If he listens, if he doesn't shut me out. Once all of this blows over. I don't know, Ruby."

"Why are you getting so-"

"Why are you demanding to know everything that's happened?" Emma snapped, "I was in the foster system, it sucked, I don't like talking about it. Can we stop now?"

"I think this is great." Elsa said softly, "He seems nice. It's great." She glanced at Ruby, "Right Ruby?"

"Right." She nodded, but there was more she wanted to say, "Chose the worst time to pop up but hey. Good for you, Henry has an uncle."

"Who's Henry?" August asked as he walked in. Ruby bit her lip and glanced at Elsa.

"This is going to be long conversation." Elsa said softly.

* * *

A/N: Hey guys. I am so happy someone caught my House reference and if you didn't, I'm sorry. Thanks for reading. There will be more on August and where he went and what happened in the next update, don't freak out. :)


	24. Chapter 24 Ashes to Ashes

People die everyday, every single day, but on occasion when you know that person you have to put on a black dress or a suit and you have to walk up to a casket and say something, hug the grieving. Today was that day.

Emma sighed and smoothed the fabric of her dress, the one she kept for such occasions. She never really wore them, this was all she really had. A black long sleeved, white collared dress with a short skirt. She didn't turn when she heard someone's heels clack against the hardwood and echo down the hallway.

"Hey…" Ruby said softly as she pushed open the already cracked door.

"Hey."  
"It's a little chilly today…" Ruby sat on the bed, her hand running over the skirt of her own dress. Tight and form fitting, as if she had anything else. "You don't have to go, you know."

"Of course I do."

"Who's watching Henry?"

"August." Emma said softly as she combed through her hair, ignoring the way Rubys face twisted in confusion in the mirror. He was only one available, the only one in town who wouldn't be in attendance and she didn't want to bring her child to a funeral. He was too little. He wouldn't understand.

"He barely knows him."

"He can get to know him."

"Emma."

"We have a funeral to get to, Ruby. I don't have time to argue over my babysitter choices. Do you want to stay?" She didn't mean to snap at her, she did nonetheless. Ruby bit her lip and stood.

"Let's go, then." Ruby said as she grabbed her bag. Her parents waited downstairs, presenting a sad smile as they came down. August stood by the door, arms folded over his chest.

"Elsa is meeting us there." Ruby shrugged, "Said she'd be by the entrance with Ingrid and Anna."

"Kris isn't going?"

"No." Ruby whispered, she already looked like she may lose it, if she cries, Emma might cry and that wasn't happening. Not today.

"Has anyone talked to Killian?" Her mother asked and all eyes turned to Emma. Who shook her head. She hasn't talked to him since he came home. Aside from a handful of texts assuring her he was fine. He wasn't fine. His door was always locked and he never answered when she knocked, the only reason he occasionally answered her messages was to make sure she knew that he was alive.

"Nope." Emma said softly. "He needs time. We'll see him today, _don't_ hover."

"I can't I ju-"

"No hovering."

"Okay. I'm sure he'd rather just talk to you." Her mother said softly and her father squeezed her shoulder.

"We should get going." Emma kissed Henry's sleeping cheek before walking out the door. "Thanks for watching him, August." She said softly, "I'll be back soon."

* * *

She wasn't quite sure what to expect, she never really went to funerals, never really had to. The funeral home was small, certainly not big enough for the entire town, she had to push her way through the crowd to get inside.

"Have you seen Killian?" Emma asked softly as she tapped someone's shoulder. She didn't know who it was but if he was here, he knew Liam, and if he knew Liam, he knew Killian. The man turned, dark hair slicked back and a black suit. Looked like he walked right off of a tropical island. He nodded.

"He's up front talking to Robin."

"Thanks." Emma said softly and then pushed through the gallons of people to the front where there was a lot more space. She could breathe up here at least but she stood a little shellshocked because she stopped right in front of the casket and it took the wind out of her a little bit. Maybe she wouldn't have been so blindsided if it had been closed but it was open. There he was, dressed in a military uniform, hands folded over his stomach. They tried to cover the stitches on his body with makeup but it wasn't enough, they still showed through. The parts of his body that was put back together.

"Liam." She whispered and there it was, she finally felt it. This guy who went behind his younger brothers back to give his girlfriend a letter his dead wife left, he wasn't here anymore.

"Swan?" His hand was on her shoulder, his good hand, sliding down her arm, fingers wrapping around hers.

"I'm fine."

"Don't lie"

"I just wasn't expecting it to be open…" She said softly. He pulled her away from it and shrugged, wincing because it probably hurt and then he let her hand go. He didn't say anything else, had to go greet someone who had walked up, teary eyed and clutching a tissue.

She sat in the back when the service actually started, next to her parents and Ingrid, who was thumbing through the pamphlet, not entirely sure what to say.

"When I met Liam…" Zelena was up, standing by the podium, reading from a piece of paper, "It was a funny and weird turn of events." She paused for a second, glancing at Killian and then continuing, "See, Milah and I had been out all night...she wanted to visit this elegant and extravagant art exhibit up in Boston. I only went for the wine." She paused again, looking down, taking a deep breath. Emma listened, surprised to see tears in Zelena's bright green eyes. She didn't show much emotion at the hospital. She was under the impression she didn't care much.

Another deep breath and she continued, "He almost hit her with his car. It was crazy, she was cussing him out like no tomorrow." She paused again for the soft laughter in the room, "He wasn't angry, I stand by my claim that the man didn't get angry. Maybe it was because of how pathetic we looked, hair a mess, makeup-less, clothes all sorts of wrinkled. We were up all night, okay? He was gracious and kind, offered to get us a taxi so we could head home. That's how I met him, how Milah and I met him. You know the rest. It's so weird to be up here. Considering the other two in this story are gone." She shrugged, "I can't imagine how you must be feeling, Killian." She whispered it, eyes flooding and then she stepped down and he stood and they hugged. Emmas father grabbed her hand and sighed.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." Emma whispered and she listened to the rest of the people who would speak. Robin, talking about the time Liam (unsuccessfully) talked Milah out of smashing the windows out of Robin's car with a baseball bat. Talked about how he would miss those late night chats and drinking with his old friend. A few of the people he served with in the Navy spoke, a man named Eric, the man who pointed Emma in the direction of Killian when she got here. A woman named Ariel and another nicknamed Tink. They talked about his drive, his endurance and his patience. How Killian used to worry him sick with more than a couple disappearing acts. All of these things she didn't know, all of these things she wished she did know.

Soon enough it was time to head to the cemetery. The same one Milah was buried at, the same one their mother was buried at. The one Killian would likely one day be buried at.

* * *

Elsa stood next to her, sniffling the whole time, Emma's hand in hers. She watched as the rain clouds rolled in, watched as Killian kept glancing at her, almost apologetic. As if he needed to feel bad about distancing himself, he didn't. She'd give him all the time in the world if she has to.

More people talked, more people hugged, a few sobbed. But Killian just stood, watching the service. He didn't speak, probably didn't know what to say.

The Priest opened his book and she wondered if Liam was even religious, "For as much as it has pleased Almighty God to take out of this world the soul of Liam Jones, we therefore commit his body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, and dust to dust…" she tuned the rest of it out.

As it came to a close, the rain finally came, hitting the casket in soft little drops. She let everyone file out, said she'd be there in a minute and then slowly approached him. It was just them now and she wasn't sure if she was welcome.

"You can come closer, love, I promise I won't bite." He said softly. A playful joke, a soft smile, teasing, she would laugh but his heart wasn't in it so she stayed quiet.  
"I'm not going to ask if you're okay."

"I've been asked that enough today."

"I know."

"Are you okay? I've been...shutting you out lately. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She said softly, "There's a dinner thing at Granny's after this. Ruby wanted me to ask if you were-"

"I think I'll just go home, Swan."

"Okay…"  
"I have...to box some of his things up."

"Do you want help?"

"No." Killian said softly, he didn't look at her. She pretended that didn't bother her. "I do need a favor."

"Anything."

"Give Elsa my regards, please."

"Yeah."

"Thanks." So he knew about the kiss they shared. The promises soon to be six feet below the dirt. "I wasn't expecting so many people to be here."

"He was liked."

"I guess." He said with a shrug, "If I had just...been more insistent-"

"It wasn't your fault…"

"Emma."

"It _wasn't_."

"It was my car." He said, "I should have been the one driving it. He'd still be here if I had."

"But you wouldn't." She whispered it and maybe that's what he wanted, to be the one in the casket a few feet away from them, waiting to be buried. But she couldn't let herself think about it, because she'd surely fall apart next to him. He swallowed and turned, hands in his pockets.

"Your parents are waiting for you." He said and that was it, "If you'll excuse me, I have to go."

"Call me later?" She suggested and he nodded and then walked away, heading to another section of the cemetery, heading to Milah.

* * *

The diner was dimly lit, unlike the brightness before, the normal tablecloths were replaced with black ones. Candles in the center, people in black huddled around with warm drinks and dinnerware clinking against plates. Every time the bell would chime on the door, she'd think it was him. It never was. She checked her phone.

Who knew what he was doing right now, it was raining heavily at this point, she hoped he wasn't still out there.

"You can go, Emma." Her mother said from across the table, "he needs you."

"He wants to be alone, mom." She patted Emma's hand and got up to get something to drink. She stared out the window and watched the rain come down. Hoping she'd see him walk up and come through that door, hoping he'd talk to her. Something. She sighed and pulled her phone out.

"Hey Em." August said

"Hey. How's it going?"

"We are great. Currently watching a movie, can you believe this kid has never seen _Pinocchio_? Emma, for shame."

"How are you liking Storybrooke?" She asked and he sighed.

"It's a nice town, I never knew my father was so close to where we were. Isn't that strange, he was here the whole time?"

"It is."

"I'm glad you finally found a family, Em." He said softly and she sighed. It was strange to be talking to him, like no time had passed, like he didn't abandon her, like he never left. Did she even get a chance to tell Killian she had a brother? No, as soon as he woke up she had to watch as the doctors broke the news to him that his brother hadn't survived. Saying " _hey Killian, I know your brother just died, but my foster brother suddenly made an appearance, wanna meet him?_ " Would not have ended well. She listened to him for a few more minutes, not even processing a word he was saying. She hung up after a while, just as Ruby was sliding a drink her way.

"Hot chocolate and cinnamon." She smiled, "I even put vanilla in it."

"Thanks." Emma said

"Are you hungry?" She asked

"Not really." She said glancing at the door as Eric walked in. Ruby slumped in her seat.

"He's not coming."

"He just needs time."

"I get it, his brother just died but he...he can't just…"

"Ruby."

"He almost died. He can't just avoid everyone like this."

"Ruby, he's the only living person in his entire family now." She said softly, "I think we can give him some space. I think we should give him space. This is probably really hard for him." Ruby leaned back in her chair and ran a hand through her hair.

"Almost losing him was hard to, Emma." She said softly, "Especially for you. You were a wreck and he knows that." She sighed and got up, "I feel bad for him, I do and I get it, I really get it, but Emma, he should at least allow you to be there for him."

* * *

That night after Henry was put to bed and August was relieved of his babysitting duties, she lay in bed, waiting for her phone to ding. She sent a quick text, "At least let me know you're still alive." She waited for a response and was half asleep when her phone went off.  
"Emma." Killian said softly and she sat up, rubbing her eyes.  
"Hey…"

"I'm sorry, I know I said I'd call...I just…"

"It's okay."

"It's really not."

"Killian."

"Liam is _dead._ " He said softly, "My mother, dead. Father? You guessed it, dead. They didn't have siblings. Two sibling-less people from different parts of the world get married. _Who does that?_ "  
"I-"

"So, I don't have any cousins, Liam didn't have any children, I am the only one left."

"I know…" She said softly, not entirely sure what he was talking about, he sounded drunk. She was pulling the covers off and getting ready to get dressed because this sounded like a mental breakdown.

"Emma…"

"Yeah?" She asked.

"Have you thought about having more kids?"

"What?" She asked, her heart jumping to her throat. "Uuuuhh-"

"We'd make beautiful babies." He sighed.

"Killian I-"

"I could die tomorrow." He said, "With no one to carry on this awful name of mine. How insane is that?"

"Pretty insane…" She said softly as she tugged on a pair of jeans, her stomach tying in knots because he was going insane. He was off his rocker and drunk as hell. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Emma." He said, "You didn't answer my question."

"Hm?"

"Children. More? Yay or Nay?"

"I never thought about it...I think Henry is eno-"

"Let's have a baby."  
"WOW" She tripped and fell back on her bed with a shout, "You are very drunk-"

"Is that a yes?"

"Uuuhh...can we talk about this when you're sober?"

"I won't remember when I'm sober." _Exactly._

"Maybe you will."

"Maybe."

"Go to sleep." She said softly.

"I miss Liam…"

"I know…"

"And Milah."

"I know."

"The accident wasn't even that bad, why did he have to die? Why is the universe so cruel?"

"I don't know, Killian." The accident was very bad, it's a miracle he even lived, but he's drunk and drunk Killian doesn't know that.

"Hey."

"What?"

"I love you." He said softly and she bit her lip, "A lot."

"I know."

"Do you love me?" He asked and her stomach twisted. She swallowed and nodded, but he can't see a nod so she had to say something.

"Yeah…" There, saying yes and actually saying the words were two completely different things. She could do that, she could say yes.

"Good." He whispered, "I have to finish boxing these things up. I never knew Liam had so much stuff."

"Okay, you do that."

"Okay."

"Call me in the morning, okay?"  
"Okay."

"Goodnight Killian." She said softly and then he hung up and she was left wondering what the hell just happened. Did she just witness the downfall of Killian Jones? Is this it, has he lost it? She ran a hand through her hair. Maybe leaving him alone isn't the best course of action.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry it's been a while. I have been sick and busy, I hope I can update more now that all of it's over. I hope everyone had a good holiday or whatever. See ya next time. :)


	25. Chapter 25 Stay Here With Me

She had a terrible dream, one that had her wake covered in sweat and her heart racing a mile a minute and she could barely breathe. She ran a hand through her hair, wet from sweat and got up. She definitely needed a shower, the clock blinked on her night stand, 3:55 a.m. Emma sighed and with shaking legs she went into the bathroom and stripped herself of her drenched clothing, taking her time and allowing herself a minute to calm down as she washed remnants of that dream from her body. God, the image would likely never leave her head.

Killian lying in a casket instead of Liam, it felt so real, she touched his hand, wrapped her fingers around his and they felt so cold and real and- it wasn't real.

She needs to see him.

She was stupid to think she could stay away. Once she was finished with her shower, she grabbed her phone and called him. He was probably awake, something told her he didn't sleep much anymore. His voice was soft when he answered, she barely recognized it.

"Killian…" Emma said softly.

"Hm?"

"Uh...I know it's late but I-"

"Swan…" He said softly, "please. I need you." She nearly breaks at that, the sound of his voice, how soft he was speaking, a quiet almost whispered confession that he needed her. It was enough. She dresses quickly, goes into Henry's room and kisses his forehead, tells her sleeping parents that she was leaving, packed a bag of extra clothes, and left.

It's a short walk over and she doesn't bother knocking, the door was cracked open anyways. She heads inside, sets her bag down by the door. She calls for him but he doesn't answer. So she goes upstairs, finds the bathroom light pooling into the dark hallway and the sound of running water, it has her jogging down the hallway.

There he is. The sight nearly knocks the breath from her lungs and she grabs hold of the door frame to keep herself upright. He's in the tub, she walks slowly, see's him, her heart tightens. He's just laying there, letting the, now, freezing water from the shower head slam into him and he's still in his suit from the funeral.

"Killian." She whispers, edging herself down to the floor, knees finding a puddle, but she doesn't care. She rests her arms on the edge of the tub, she wants to touch him but his eyes looked so...vacant and she can't bring herself to do it. Can't bring herself to allow her fingertips to gently graze his jaw or his arm, anywhere within reach. "How long...how long have you been in here?" She whispers and he blinks.

"When was the funeral?" He asks, he didn't look at her, just lays there, leaning his head back.

"A little over twelve hours ago…" She says it softly, so softly she didn't think he heard her. She felt a tinge of guilt, she was at home, asleep while he was...here. Alone. In a bathtub being pummeled with ice cold water and hurting.

"Oh."

"Come on." She whispered, reaching and turning the water off. "You're probably freezing." She let's him get up while she grabs for a towel under the sink. "You even left your shoes on…" she says it more to herself but he shrugs nonetheless. She sets the towel down on the edge of the tub and then walks out, to his bedroom. She's surprised to find it neat and organized like it usually was and that's evidence enough he hasn't set foot in here since the accident. Not to sleep anyways. She heads over to his dresser and starts grabbing clothes, when she gets to his pants, her hand comes into contact with something square and hard and she pulls out a red velvet box. Like a ring box and she turns it over in her hand. Her heart speeds up. Surely this isn't…

Without thinking about it, she pops it open and surely enough, it's a beautiful diamond ring. A simple silver band with a round diamond and she quickly closes it, sets it back, closes the drawer and goes back.

He's stripped of his suit jacket, the white shirt unbuttoned and she just looks at him, she's seen him shirtless plenty of times but...not after. Not after his body has been sliced open and is still healing, he peels the soaked shirt off and sets it down, slow movements, like he's here but not here. She breathes in and blinks, unaware that she had tears in her eyes, it's becoming even more real than it already was. The fact that he almost died, that she almost lost him and then the image of him lying in that damn casket flashes in her head and she loses it. Tears start spilling down her cheeks and she turns around so he doesn't see it, covers her mouth quickly.

He's behind her in a second, arms circling around her, lips pressed to her hair and he's actually rocking her, swaying from one foot to the other. She shouldn't be crying. She didn't lose him, he's still here. He lost Liam.

Liam's not here.

She turns in his arms, buries her face in his chest and breathes him in. He needs a shower, an actual shower, he smells of rum but he smells like Killian too, and he's warm. Not ice cold like in her dream.

"I'm sorry. I don't know...why…" she says softly and he shushes her. Like a child.

"It's okay." He's stroking her hair, his fingers combing through her curls and she sighs again. "I'm here…"

"I'm sorry…" She says it despite him reassuring her. Killian pulls back, still soaking wet, tilts her head up and kisses her softly and it's the first time he did it since the accident, probably why she lingers longer than he intended. Him pulling away and her chasing his lips again, kissing him gently because he's here and he's alive and warm and…

And she loves him.

He sucks in a breath and she realizes she had her hand right on the cut going down the middle of his chest. It's all stitched up now, from when they had to open him up. She removes her hand quickly.

"I'm sorry." She says quickly, "I didn't re-"

"It's okay." He presses a kiss to her forehead and she realizes then that this was probably the first time in a while he's been sober. She should tell him.

Say the words, I love you. While he's sober and not drinking himself into a coma. She needs to but when she opens her mouth, something else comes out.

"I was looking for clothes in your dresser and I...I found a ring…" She made the conclusion on her own that it must've been Milahs but she needed to know. He blinks.

"Oh. That." He nods, "It was my mother's…" he shrugged, "She gave it to Liam...and then Liam gave it to me to give to Milah but I never…it just never seemed like it belonged on her finger." It was quiet again and she left him to finish getting dressed and she changes in his bedroom. She want to look at the ring again, so she gets up and takes it out of the dresser. She just wants to see it, really get a look at it. Now that she knows he isn't going to spontaneously propose to her, it doesn't give her a heart attack anymore. She opens the box slowly, looking at the door as she does it. Glances at the diamond. Even in the darkness she can see it sparkle. Hearing his footsteps down the hall, she quickly snaps the box shut and puts it back. It's about 4:45 a.m. and sleep is clinging to her eyes now. He still moves slowly, limbs heavy with what could only be profound sadness, but he crosses the room to her, pulls her to the bed and pulls back the comforter. He doesn't immediately lay down with her, goes over to the window and closes the curtains, shuts the door and then he heads over. He lays his head on her chest, arm stretched over her waist and she threads her fingers through his hair, only half asleep when she feels his tears hit her shirt.

* * *

She wakes again at 5:24 and he isn't there, the other side of the bed is cold. Emma runs a hand over her eyes and throws back the blanket, slides out of bed. She can hear him downstairs in the kitchen, soft clinks of glasses together. She leans against the archway leading into the kitchen and watches as he pours coffee into a cup and she feels the words bubble up in her throat, clawing their way out of her mouth. She doesn't have time to stop it.

"I love you," she says. Maybe it took a second for him to process it, to match the words with the voice but his back tenses up and he straightens.

"What?" He asks softly as he turns. The next time she says it is with more ease, easier to spit it out.

"I love you."

He blinks and then smiles that bright and beautiful smile she can't live without but feared she'd have to after what happened, but here he is, smiling at her like she personally made the sun shine, like she is the reason the earth still spins.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I told you, you didn't have to sa-"

"I want to." She says softly and then she walks over to him, takes the cup of coffee from him, "I want to say it."

"Again." He breathes, forehead against hers and she says it, a little more than a rush of breath between her lips and then he kisses her.

"It's still dark outside." She whispered.

"Is it?"

"Did you sleep at all?"

"A little…"

"Come back to bed."

"Swan." He pulls away, goes back to the coffeepot.

"You need sleep."

"I can't." He says softly, "He's in my dreams, Emma." She sighs, she has no idea what to say to him, nothing would really help.

"Then…" She shrugs, "Just come lay down...with me." He looks at her, tilts his head and then nods. He follows her up the stairs and lays on the bed with her.

"Earlier after the funeral, do you remember calling me?" She asks softly and he glances at her, "You were pretty drunk." She says and he nods.

"Vaguely."

"Do you remember what you said?"

"Not really…" He says, "What did I say?"

"It doesn't matter." She shrugs, "Uh you said...you asked me to have a baby with you."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"What did you say?"

"I said we'd talk about it." She says softly, "Preferably when you're sober."

"I'm sober now."

"Is that something you want?" She asks it cautiously, she was hoping the " _A few years down the line_ " was implied and he didn't think she meant right now.

"Well," he shrugs, "there's a reason I said it, however, I plan on making an honest woman out of you, first." He sighs, has his fingers in her hair, "what about you? Have you ever thought about having any more after Henry?" She shrugs, too be honest, she thought those days were over. Henry was enough, but now she notices he is getting bigger, already doing things himself.

"Always figured it was over for me."

"Funny how things happen."

"Shut up." She laughs, "Not for a while, buddy."

"How is Henry?"

"Uh, he doesn't really understand why everyone is so...sad."

"He's a child."

"He keeps asking about you."

"Me?"

"He doesn't understand why you haven't been coming around." She said softly, "I told him you were sick. I'm not sure what to-"

"Tell him I'm okay." He says softly, "And that I plan on coming to see him as soon as it doesn't hurt to walk outside, also tell him to have his book ready."

"His book?"

"Yes."

"Wait, have you been teaching him how to read?"

"Maybe."

"That's my job!"

"Well, you have been slacking. Boy should be at College level by now."

"I hate you." She smiles though, why has she never caught him doing it? Probably only when she wasn't looking or she just didn't notice, did he sneak over to her house when she wasn't home just to teach her son how to read?

"No you don't." He says softly.

"I'm a terrible mom."

"No."

"Yes, what kind of mom let's her boyfriend teach her kid to read when she's the one who's supposed to?"

"Boyfriend?"

"Hmmm."

"I don't believe I've ever heard you say that before." He smiles, "And you're not a bad mother. You give him what he needs."

"Except for proper reading skills."

"Swan." He says, "He loves you."

"Okay." It's quiet again, and she sighs, rolling on her back. She can feel his finger playing with her hair and she remembers when she was scared to death in that hospital, scared she'd never feel it again. She rolls back on her side to face him, but he's asleep. She kisses his cheek, rolls back over and goes back to sleep.

They sleep in until almost noon but she doesn't mind because at least he got a little bit of sleep. Her phone is buzzing on the night stand, four missed calls, all from Graham and her stomach twists.

"What the hell?" She whispers, careful not to wake Killian, she picks it up, missing the next call but opening the text message that flies in right after.

 _G: Neal is out of jail. Call me as soon as possible._


	26. Chapter 26 Never The Right Time

She throws a look over her shoulder at the stairs and quickly calls Graham back.

"God, Emma, it's about ti-"

"He's out?"

"Yes"

"How!?"

"He escaped."

"How?"

"I don't know, Emma."

"Where did he go?"

"If I knew where he went, he'd be locked back up." She's quiet for awhile and after he says her name a few times, she snaps back.

"I have to go." She says quickly and hangs up the phone, she dials her mother's number quickly and runs a hand through her hair as she listens to it ring.

"Emma-"

"Where's Henry?" She asks quickly

"Oh, uh he-"  
"Just tell me where he is!" She snaps, loudly, shouting at her mother. Someone comes down the stairs, he's next to her quickly, wearing a question mark on his features and she waves him off. "I'm sorry…" She says softly.

"What is going on?" Her mother asks slowly, "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

"Neal broke out of jail and they can't find him."

"What!?"

"What?" Killian is back where he was, next to her. "Why didn't you-"

"I just found out." She snaps at him not on purpose and she hates herself for doing it. He doesn't say anything, just walks away.

"Emma." Her mother is speaking now on the other end, "Henry is fine, he's with me. Okay?"

"Okay." She whispers, "I'll be home soon, I have to call Graham and find out what he wants me to do." Chances are he'll want her to lay low for a while, until Neal is found and taken back to jail. She hangs up and goes to find Killian, he went into the kitchen, getting a glass of water, pills in hand. Oh, he's probably on a schedule, she shouldn't have let him sleep in so late. He looks at her, but he isn't angry despite the way she snapped at him.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be sorry." He says softly, something is bothering him though.

"What's wrong?" She asked, walking over to him. Maybe he's just in pain. That seemed like the most likely answer but he shrugs.

"It just…" He sighs, "Feels like it's one bad thing after another."

"I'm sorry…"

"Swan, it's not your fault." He set his cup down and walks over to her, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear and kissing her forehead. "Call Graham, love. I think I'll take a shower."

"Okay…" She calls Graham and he tells her what she expected. He wants her to leave town until they can find Neal and put him back in jail. Find somewhere he wouldn't think to look for her and Henry, but she doesn't have anywhere. Killians comes back downstairs and finds her in the kitchen, head down on the table and shaking a little bit.

"I left for ten minutes and you're a mess." He jokes rubbing her back and pulling her up so she can sit back. "What did he say?"

"Um…" She runs her hands over her face, "he suggested I leave town with Henry...hide out until they find Neal."

"How long do you think it'll take?"

"I don't know…" She says softly, "I'm so sorry, I know it's been really hard for y-"

"Hey," He tilts her head so she can look at him, "This isn't your fault. None of this is your fault, stop apologizing like you did something wrong."

"What am I going to do? I can't just...take Henry and leave town. Where will we go?"

"I know a place."

"What?"

"Um, my family has this old cabin. We used to go there a lot as kids, before...everything. Liam took care of it over the years, paid the bills, cleaned it up, all of that stuff. He still uses it." He shakes his head, "He used it."  
"Why didn't you-"

"I never planned on ever going back." He shrugged, "But...if you need somewhere to go, it's a safe enough distance away. He won't think to look there."

"Come with us?"

"Emma-" She gets up.

"I can't stay in your family's cabin without you there." She says quickly, "plus how will I know where it is?"

"Swan…"

"Henry likes spending time with you." She says softly, wrapping her arms around his neck, "I like spending time with you." She shrugs, "Despite the reason we'd have to go, it could be fun."

"Okay…"

"Okay?"

"I'll come with you."

* * *

She explains to her parents what's happening but she doesn't tell them where they're going, she packs up Henry's things first and then her own stuff and shoves it in her car. Henry is full of questions, of course, he is, he's four and they've never done anything like this. She just tells him they're going away for a little while with Killian and it's just a fun thing to do for a few days. Or weeks. Or, dear god, months. Did she bring enough clothes for them?

Should she tell Elsa and Ruby what's going on? She can call them when she gets to the cabin. Do they already know?

Killian waits outside for her and when she pulls up he sets his stuff on the back.

"You okay?" Emma asks when he gets in the passenger side, she realizes now this is the first time he's been in a car since the accident. Well, coming home from the hospital was the first but he was so drugged up he didn't open his eyes until they got him home and she doubted he knew where he was.

"Yeah." He says softly, "Just be careful."

"I will."

"Good." He whispers. She drives, it's quiet, except for when Henry asks her questions and when Killian gives her directions. But for the most part, they're both pretty quiet the whole way there. It's about a four-hour drive, and the cabin isn't visible from the road, if it wasn't for the small gravel trail leading up to it, she would have had no clue where to turn. Which makes it perfect.

"We're here." Killian says softly and then he digs a key out of his pocket, "The door should be locked."

"It's bigger than I thought it would be." She says as she gets out. It's all one story but it's pretty large. She can tell just by looking at it, it was spacious.

"Used to house a family of four over the summer." He shrugs. "Come with me." She takes Henry's hands and they grab their bags as they follow Killian up the slightly unsteady steps to the porch. He unlocks the door, telling her it'll probably be cold but if he knew Liam he probably kept a few cut up logs by the fireplace that should help and if it didn't there were a couple space heaters in the back. Or there used to be.

He hasn't been here since he was a kid, so he doesn't really know for sure.

There were four bedrooms, one housing two twin beds and the other three were just the standard double beds. The lights flicker a little bit when he turns them on casting a soft yellow glow. She was surprised to see a television, she didn't think there would be one for some reason, but it's here and it looks pretty new, mounted on the wall above the fireplace. Henry goes off to explore but she stays with Killian, watching him look around, fingers running over the floral couch. He gives her a small smile, shoulders slumping when he see's the unfinished puzzle on the small table by the window in the corner of the room.

Liam never got to finish it. Killian shakes his head.

"Okay." He breathes, "Pick a room, Swan."

All the rooms look the same but there's one room larger than the rest. The bed is spacious, dark red comforter when she tosses their bags on it, dust flies around them and she coughs.

"Yeah, you should probably wash those, love."

* * *

The first thing on the agenda is to get the place warmed up, Emma throws some logs in the fireplace, Liam had in fact left some stacked neatly next to it, and Killian gets the space heaters out of the tiny shed in the back. After that, they all sit on the couch to watch a movie. It's nice, quiet, and relaxing. She'd probably enjoy it more if it wasn't for the circumstances, the reason for being here.

It's late and she carries Henry off to bed.

"You okay?" She asks as she heads back over to him, he's staring at the screen but not really watching, just...thinking, but when she plops down next to him. He snaps out of it.

"I'm fine." He says softly, but she knows he's not telling the truth, she only leaves it alone because of how painful this must be for him. It must hurt being back here now that he's the only one of the Jones's left. She turns her attention back to the movie and there's a scene that has her stomach twisting. It's a comedy, the main character bleeding through her pants on a train and Emma sits up. He glances at her, eyebrow raised.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Uh yeah, is there a store near here?"

"Ten minutes away…"

"Okay." She gets up, grabbing her keys and he stands too. He's confused.

"Whe-"

"I didn't...bring any uuuuhh…" She shrugs, "And we don't know how long-"

"Oh." He nods, "Do you want me to come-"  
"No, someone has to stay here in case Henry wakes up." He nods again, walking over and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"It's late, be careful."

"I will."

"Promise?" He questions and she nods, kissing him quickly.

"I promise. I'll be back before you know it." She heads out the door.

* * *

She was hoping it was just stress, she's been pretty stressed lately. So much has been going on she didn't realize how freaking late she was, god let it be stress. She walks up and down the aisle way, it's close to closing and she hopes the teen behind the counter doesn't have to kick her out. She grabs a box of tampons and then goes for the pregnancy tests.

There's so many. Emma runs a hand through her hair and just grabs a few random ones, throwing them in the basket.

The girl behind the counter makes a face but quickly scans the items and she pays.

"Congrats." She says with a smack of her gum as she hands over the bag and Emma asks if she can double bag it, she doesn't want to freak him out and he might be able to see through the plastic. She does it.

She tries to stay calm as she walks in the door, has to keep herself from running to the bathroom. Killian is in the kitchen, a glass of water in his hand.

"That was quick." He says.

"Yeah well, I knew what I needed." Emma smiles and he nods. She glances at the bathroom door, "I'm gonna...put these away." She says quickly, not waiting for a response but she catches his look, concern, and confusion. She's trying not to act weird, but she's failing.

She takes the test, all of them, setting them on the sink and then sitting on the edge of the tub. It's a five-minute wait, she can do that. She can wait five minutes. She's just about to take a look when there's a knock at the door and she jumps.

"Swan?" Killian questions, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She says, is she though? Is she really? He doesn't push, he doesn't open the door but she hears his sigh.

"I'll probably head to bed soon, love."

"Okay."

"Will you be much longer?"  
"I'll be out in a second." She says and after a few seconds, she hears him leave. They're all positive. All four of them, a positive result staring her in the face. She tries to think back, tries to estimate how far along she would be but she's too upset to determine it. He must hear her crying from the bedroom because next thing she knows, he's sitting next to her on the couch, asking her over and over again what was wrong.

"Killian, I'm pregnant." She says softly, she points at the coffee table, where she set them out. Four in a row, he reaches out and takes one, her head is in her hands so she can't see his reaction.

"Emma." He whispers, "Okay. Look at me." He's trying to pull her up, get her to look at him, but she can't. He must be so disappointed, he just lost Liam.

"I'm sorry…"

"For?" He questions, "Emma, you have to stop apologizing for things you can't control."

"I'm s-"

"No." He says firmly, grabbing her and finally getting her to look at him. He's...smiling. She feels like it's been so long since she's seen him smile, really smile and her heartbeat quickens.

"You're happy…"

"We're having a baby. That's something to be happy about, Swan."

"Yeah."

"You're not?" He asks, but he doesn't sound upset, he doesn't sound like he would be upset if she wasn't. And it's not that she wasn't, she just wishes it wasn't like this. She wishes that Liam didn't die, she wishes she didn't almost lose Killian, she wishes Neal wasn't hunting for her and her son.

She wishes this had happened a little further down the road, she wishes for better timing.

But the perfect timing only comes when things are perfect and nothing, these days, ever were.

* * *

Graham calls her, not to tell her they caught him, they caught Neal. They didn't, but they also did.

He was dead.

Neal is dead. They found him in a hotel room in Denver, self-inflicted gunshot wound. There wasn't a note, he wasn't one to leave a paper trail anyways. She doesn't know why she cries, cries on the bathroom floor until her eyes hurt. Killian doing his best to make her feel a little better, his actions failing in that attempt. Neal is dead, like actually dead. Not in a metaphoric, _you're dead to me way_ , in a _he's in a morgue somewhere being cleaned up, waiting to be claimed by someone that didn't exist_ , way. He probably wouldn't get a proper burial, just a marked grave somewhere, being lowered into the cold earth by people who didn't love him, or know him. No grieving friends to talk about him and their favorite memories, no memorial funds being donated in his honor, no flags being folded in a triangle and given to his next of kin.

He wouldn't get anything.

Why does it bother her so much? Is it because at one point in her life she loved him? Because he's the father of her child? Because she knows that one day Henry will wonder what happened to him because he won't remember and she'll have to tell him his father shot himself in a hotel room while running from the cops after beating his mother into a bloody pulp? What happens now? Does she give him a proper burial? Something he probably doesn't deserve but she can't help but think about actually doing it.

She shouldn't be crying, she should be...rejoicing, she should be thanking every god there ever was that he wasn't here anymore, that he couldn't hurt her anymore. That she can go home and put this whole shitty experience to bed for good and never have to think about him again. And yet, here she is, sobbing on the floor, breaking a little bit more every time Killian says something.

Killian, god Killian hated him so much, he was probably glad he's dead. He's probably rejoicing in his head. Probably thanking every god there ever was for taking him, all while cursing them for taking Liam. She's so selfish, she shouldn't be over here crying about her dead ex-lover while her current one sits right next to her, having just lost someone he actually loved.

She's crying more over Neal than she did over Liam and that's awful.

"I...he...I-"

"It's okay, Emma." Killian says softly, "It's okay."

"It's really not."

"Emma-"  
"I want to go home." She breathes, "I want to go home."

"We can."

"This isn't how I wanted it to end."

"I know."

"Why did he do that? Why?"

"I don't know." Killian says softly, fingers finding hers, "I don't know, Swan, I wish I could tell you."

"He needs a funeral."

"Don't-"

"No, he...wasn't all bad. I loved him once." She sniffs, "I loved him once. I...he can't just stay in a refrigerator, he can't just be thrown in a hole, or cremated with no one to-"  
"Emma, I won't stop you but...after what he did to you, I really don't care what they do with his body."

"Killian."  
"He'll be buried by the state, they'll give him a lovely wooden casket. That's more than he deserves in my eyes." He's right, he'll at least be buried by the state. Maybe that's enough. She nods.

"Okay."

"Now, are you ready to go home?" He asks and then he's standing, pulling her up with him, wiping her tears with his thumb.

* * *

Back home, the first thing she does is get a blood test, Dr. Whale promising to keep it quiet and the results come back after a week of waiting. Even though she already knows, still hearing the " _it's positive, you're pregnant, congratulations._ " ties her stomach in knots. She finds out she's nearing twelve weeks, she knew she'd be far along, but not the _second trimester_ far. It means she's in the clear, she can tell people, she can tell everyone. But she doesn't and at home, she examines her stomach in the mirror, there's a slight bump, forming just a few days after she got back. It's small, you wouldn't notice it if you didn't look for it.

Ruby notices.

"Dude, what did you have for lunch?" Ruby asks as she walks into her bedroom, Emma instantly yanking her sweater back down. She tilts her head, squinting her eyes in suspicion as she sets the to go bag from the diner on her nightstand. "Emma, darling."

"What's in that bag?"

"We'll get to that later, in the meantime." She takes a step forward, "Lift your shirt."

"Why?" She doesn't answer, just grabs her, puts her hand on her stomach and then gasps.

"Is that what I think it is?!" Ruby shouts, "Is there a baby in there!?"

"Keep your voice down!"

"Is there!?"

"Yes, hush." She hisses, "We're not telling anyone right now."

"You're pregnant?" She's in awe, the question is a whisper and Emma nods, her smile spreads and she crushes Emma in a hug so tight she can't breathe.

"Ow," Emma chokes out and Ruby lets her go quickly. "Don't tell anyone."

"My lips are sealed." She says bouncing a little bit, excited. "This is great, it's about time we had some good news."

"Yeah."

"Are you...happy?" She asks and she knows it's just a question and her friend wouldn't judge her if she were to say no, but she feels tears hit her eyes and she nods.

"Yeah." She breathes, "we're happy. What's in the bag?"

"Grilled cheese and onion rings." She smirks.

"Can I have it?"

"Duh, I bought it for you, mama." She winks going and getting the bag and Emma sits on her bed, really excited about grilled cheese because it smells so _good_.

"I love you." She breathes, reaching for it and Ruby laughs, "Like really, you're so good to me."

"Yeah, yeah. Eat up." She waves her off. "Killian knows, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Ruby nods and not even a minute later, the man walks through the door and Ruby launches herself at him, "Come here you beautiful human being!" He barely has time to process it before she's crushing him like she did to Emma a few minutes ago.

"Ow, hi." He says, "You just saw me."

"Aw, hello daddy."

" _Never_ say that again." The look on his face has Emma laughing so hard she almost falls off the bed. Ruby lets him go, jumping up and down. "Ruby did you have too much coffee today or something? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm so happy!"

"She knows," Emma says catching her breath.

"Oh, that explains the daddy comment you're never making again." He says, "Are we telling people now?"  
"I didn't even really tell her, she figured it out."

"You can't hide anything from me," Ruby says as she flops down on the bed. "Do your parents know?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because."

"But why?" She asks, "You should tell them before...you know, you have the kid."

"I will," Emma says softly, not sure how they'd react. They reacted fine with Henry, only because of what a mess Emma was when it happened, if it were under any other circumstance, they probably would have freaked out. Ruby leaves a few minutes later, her original reason for coming over being forgotten, promises not to tell before locking the door on her way out.

"You haven't told them yet?" He asks, they're lying on the bed, her legs tangled with his. His fingers are toying with the hem of her sweater. She shrugs. She can hear the soft question in his voice, the " _do you want this?_ " And she hates that he doubts that she does, she knows it wasn't in the plans for them. She thought they'd at the very least be living together when it happened, if not, married. But she wants it. She wants him.

"I love you." She says softly, "And I'll tell them, but be ready for the...protective dad speech."

"You're a grown woman, Emma."

"Tell David that." She smiles and he sighs, leaning up to kiss her. It's supposed to just be a peck, a one-second type of thing, and then they can keep talking about important things, but it deepens and it's maddeningly slow. A type of kiss that has her arching into him, thanking Ruby in her head for locking the door on her way out and just as it's getting good, he pulls away.

"I'm looking for a house." He says suddenly and she blinks.

"Huh?"

"I can't live in mine anymore, so I'm looking for a new one."

"Okay…"

"And I want you to help me look."

"Uh-huh."

"Emma."

"What?"

"I want you to move in with me." He says, "And Henry, of course." She swallows. Okay, this is a conversation they needed to have.

"Only if you promise to kiss me like that every single day."

"But then you'd get tired of it."

"No, I won't."

"Sure." He says, "Is that a yes?"

"I have to talk to Henry." She says softly, "But I'm not saying no."

"That's a start." He smiles, "I know everything is happening really fast and I don't want to overwhelm you."

"It's good." She whispers, "It's a good overwhelmed."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She nods and he kisses her again, just like before and she doesn't know how long they stay like that but when she looks outside she sees it's dark out.

Looks like time got away from them.


	27. Different, But Not Quite

Her palms are a little sweaty as she heads for the kitchen, she can hear the telltale signs of life, pots and pans meeting dishwater in the sink.

"Mom," Emma says softly and she looks over her shoulder at her.

"Yes, Emma?" She questions

"I have…" She swallows, her mouth is suddenly dry and she doesn't know why this is so hard for her to do, it's not like she's a young teenager. It's not like before. Maybe because this is so very different, "I have something to tell you." She says softly, rocking on her heels and her mother spins around, hearing the uneasiness in her voice.

"Are you okay?" She asks, concern on her features as she pulls a chair out from the kitchen table for Emma to sit down. She grabs two mugs from the cupboard, pours hot cocoa that she always seems to have on standby. And then she's seated across from her, "Is something wrong?"

"No." Emma shakes her head, "Nothing is wrong."

"Are you sure?" She asks, raising an eyebrow. "Because you lo-"

"I'm pregnant." Emma blurts it out, too impatient to drag it out further, ripping off the metaphorical band-aid and whatever reaction she thought her mother might have paled in comparison to her actual reaction. Her smile is wide, spreads across her face, shows in her eyes. A genuine and happy smile that Emma finds herself returning.

"Really?" It's so soft, so happy, and Emma feels her heart squeeze just a tiny bit.

"Yeah." She whispers, "Yeah, really." Her mother is standing and then Emma is too, she wraps her up in a big tight hug, so warm and loving.

"Are you crying?" Emma asks and Mary Margaret nods.

"I just…" She cups her face in her hands, "I'm really happy."

"Me too."

"Now, you just have to tell David."

"Oh god." Emma breathes and she laughs.

"But you'll have to hurry, I don't think I'll be able to keep my mouth shut for very long. You know me, I'm not good with secrets."

She does tell David, she tells him the second he walks through the door before he even has time to put his bag down, just runs down the stairs with a happy smile on her face. There's no stalling, there's no hesitation, she just says it.

"Hey, I'm pregnant." She says in one breath and he gapes at her, but his surprise is replaced with a wide grin and he all but lifts her off the ground with the hug he gave her.

Maybe different isn't so scary after all.

* * *

It doesn't take them long to find a house, a beautiful two story with three bedrooms (four if you count the office space). Blue siding and white wrap around porch with a big yard, next to the ocean, by the docks where Killian shoved her in the water on their... _not-but-come-on-let's-face-it-it was-a-date-date_ , when they lied on the docks, soaking wet, and they looked at the stars and he told her about Milah. Where he gave her that damn dictionary, the one he went through and highlighted every word that meant the same thing as annoying.

Because that's all she could ever think to call him.

It feels like so long ago now.

Anyways, so the house was beautiful and spacious and she pretty much fell in love with it the second she crossed the threshold.

"So." He breathes, they're on the porch, his arms wrapped around her waist, "What do you think?"

"What do you think?"

"I think it's perfect." He says softly.

"I like it too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She smiles. They put down a deposit that night and it's theirs. So they have a house, now they just need to move in.

She's asleep in her room when she hears the tap at her window, and then another. And another and she groans as she gets up, crossing the room to her window, being met with a rock slamming into it. She jumps back and throws open the window with a slam.

" _Dude_." She raises an eyebrow but he just grins at her.

"Hey, beautiful!"

"It's three in the morning."

"Come down here."

"No."

"Emma Swan, how many more nights am I going to be able to throw pebbles at your bedroom window in the middle of the night?" He asks, "Not many, do you know why?"

"Because we're moving in together in a few weeks?"

"You bet your fine ass we are, love," Killian smirks and she rolls her eyes. "Now, get dressed."

"Why?"

"Emma, I figured at this point we've done this enough for you to learn not to ask any questions."

"You come up here." She bites her lip and he tilts his head at her.

"I'll come up, but only to bring you out here."

"Fine."

"You're coming down?"

"Give me a minute," Emma says softly and then she closes the window, gets dressed, and heads downstairs, grabbing her jacket off the hook by the door and zipping it up. He's standing on the sidewalk, grin wide, not taking his eyes off of her as she hugs her body and walks over to him. It's really cold tonight and she shivers.

"And the Princess emerges!" He says triumphantly, throwing his arms up, she rolls her eyes. He holds his hand out and she takes it.

"Where are we going?"

"Hush, it's a secret."

"It's always a secret."

"True."

"We can't do this when we move in together, we can't just leave in the middle of the night." She says, "We'll have Henry."

"Annnddd…"

"And our baby, but we have a while to worry about that." She leans her head on his shoulder as they walk, letting his feet guide them. She doesn't realize it until they're there, that he's taking her back to the docks. "What are we doing here?" She asks hugging herself a little tighter, the breeze coming off the water is bone chilling.

"I brought you here for a _very_ specific purpose." Killian smirks, "Do you want to know?"  
"Yes."

"Why, to make an honest woman out of you, Swan!"

" _What?_ " She freezes, not sure what to do, she should definitely stop the man from doing this, this is way too soon. "Killian-" He's already down, getting on one knee and oh my god she actually thinks she's having a heart attack.

"Emma." He says softly, taking her hand in his as he produces something from his pocket, she blinks, "I love you."

"I know." She whispers, "You don't hav-"  
"Hush." He says, "I have a very important question to ask you."

"You don't have to do th-"

"Be quiet." He smirks and then he holds something up, it's a napkin, little blotches of grease on it and she tilts her head, "Did you eat my last Bearclaw?" And she laughs, loudly, hand covering her mouth as she doubles over, but he looks at her with such a serious expression that she bites her lip to stifle it.

"Killian-" the corners of his mouth tilt up, as he lets the napkin fall from his fingertips and just like that, just like magic. There's a ring, the same one she found the night she pulled him out of the tub, still dressed in his suit he wore to Liam's funeral. The one his mother gave Liam, but he gave it to Killian and Killian didn't give it to Milah because he said it didn't feel right.

It didn't belong on her finger.

And just like that, her laughter dies on her lips. "Killian." She says softly.

"I know it's soon." He says, "But nothing about this has been slow, and we don't even have to...not right away. I'm patient, I told you I'd wait as long as it takes for you to come around, but I can't seem to stop imagining this damn ring on your finger. I guess I'm not as patient as I thought. Now, onto the question."

"I-"  
"Will you marry me, Emma?" He asks and she can't really speak. He's right, he's right about them never quite getting the _slow_ in slow and steady, right. She must stand there gaping at him for a really long time because suddenly he's standing. "Emma?"

"Uh…" she swallows the lumps in her throat, "I love you, that'll never change, and I'm not saying no-"  
"But you're not saying yes."

"I'm saying don't stop asking." She whispers and he smiles, closes the gap between them, holds up the ring.

"Will you at least take the ring?"

"Huh?" She asks and then he's reaching into his pocket, pulling out a chain.

"See, I figured if I asked you, you would either turn me down or say yes but not want to tell anyone because...you're pregnant and people tend to jump the gun in this town." He explains softly, "Or you would be unsure and not give me an answer. So, I've decided that I want you to hold onto the ring until you're ready." He slips the ring on the chain and then motions for her to turn around, she does and he moves her hair out of the way. The chain is warm against her neck from being in his pocket, weighed down slightly from the ring on it. It's long enough it falls just under her neckline, enough to hide it.

"But you'll ask again?"

"Every damn day."

"Oh _great_." She laughs softly leaning into him when he wraps his arms around her, lips on her neck, soft and feather like kisses against her skin. "As if I needed more reasons for you to annoy the hell out of me."

"Swan, have you even _looked_ inside that dictionary I gave you?"

"Oh, you mean the one you gave me on our friendly outing?"

"Oh, our first date but you refuse to call it that?" He asks.

"Wasn't a date."  
"Emma, you have me, just admit it."

"No, because it wasn't a date." She smirks, "You don't try to drown your dates."

"You mean like this?" He asks and then he's grabbing her, lifting her up and holding her over the edge of the dock and she squeals.

"No! Killian, it's too cold!" She shouts

"Admit it!"  
"No!"

"Swan, say it. It was a date!" He laughs as she tries to get herself free, "I will put you down when you say it was a date."

"I will not say it was a date because it wasn't!" She shouts, twisting in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her toes are right on the edge of the dock and if he loosens his grip even a little bit, she's going in. "Please, please don't drop me in."

"Swan." He says turning them around so he can place her down safely on the dock, "Like I'd actually thro-" he doesn't finish, he's right on the edge and she shoves him in with a splash. He doesn't resurface for a while and she feels her smile fade a little bit.

"Killian?" She questions and then she hears a splash and a deep breath.

"You weren't wrong about it being cold." He laughs.

"Yeah?"

"Pretty cold." He says and then he's trying and failing to pull himself up, "Swan, little help here."

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that."

"Emma, my hand." He says softly, suddenly serious, "Doesn't work quite like it used to." She walks over and reaches out but the man is a traitor and pulls her right in with a flourish.

"Oh my god it's cold!" She shrieks and he laughs, wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her close. "I hate you."

"Liar."

"Whatever." She rolls her eyes. A few minutes later they're lying down on the docks, much like they did the first time, looking up at the sky and he's unusually quiet now. "Milah?" She questions softly.

"Liam." He says with a heavy sigh. "And a little bit of Milah."

"What are you thinking about?"

"That it's nice to know she's not alone up there...wherever up there is." He says, "I told Milah I didn't want kids, did you know that? I can't quite remember if I ever told you that." He didn't but she already knew, Milah had mentioned it in her letter. The one that she entrusted Liam with, the one in Emma's nightstand.

The letter he still doesn't know about.

"No." She says softly, "But it's okay. I understand why."

"You do?"

"You may look like your father, but you're nothing like him, Killian," Emma says softly and then she's turning on her side, looking at him. "Besides, too late to back out. I'm in your life now and I'm not leaving."

* * *

He walks her home, this could very well be one of the last times he does this, leaves her at the door and then walks the few feet back to his place. They're soaked and freezing but his hand is warm in hers and that's enough.

"Hey." She says softly, leaning against the door as he turns to leave, he turns back around.

"Yes?"  
"Wanna come inside and keep me warm?" She doesn't mean it in the way that he takes it, smirking at her as he tilts his head.

"Well look at you, Miss Swan, ever the charmer."

"Shut up that's not what I meant."

"Sure it isn't." He says but he's heading for her, taking her hand in his and she rolls her eyes, but they go in anyways, "Though I will say, you sure look good when you're all we-" she smacks him upside the head before he can even _think_ to finish that sentence.

"What are you two doing?" It's David, coming out of the kitchen, "And why are you-"  
"Dad, what are you doing up?" Emma asks it's only four. He doesn't usually get up until nearly six. He doesn't answer, but he doesn't have to. She sees his eyes flicker down to rest on her hand, where the ring should be. "He knew!" She blurts turning to Killian and he smiles.

"I am a traditional man, Swan, of course, he did."

"I hate you."

"Well, that's unfortunate because I love you." He says and she smacks him again. David just laughs as he heads back towards his bedroom.

"There's hot coffee if you want some." He says and then she hears the door close.

So, they sit in her kitchen, wet clothes clinging to them as they talk about things, Milah and Liam and their new house and when they want to start moving things in, and he asks if there's anything she wants him to...get rid of before they do move. She knows he means the paintings or the pictures, or anything that has to do with Milah and she shakes her head because she doesn't.

"I like Milahs paintings." Is all she says.

* * *

A/N: We're reaching the end, folks. Stay tuned.


	28. Chapter 28 Epilogue

To think that this all started with her fathers stupid truck breaking down on the side of the road, an occurrence that annoyed her beyond belief at the time but she thank's God for it every day now. It's odd to think about, Emma, who was so used to doing things alone, who, now, can't even fathom not waking up with him every morning. Feeling his arms around her, watching him sleep when she can't, bickering over which character is going to make it to the end of a horror movie, being woken up in the middle of the night to go run around town like they're teenagers.

Yes, they have kids but he still does it. Only when they're at a sleepover or something. He's cut down though, she's proud of him.

It's been nearly seven years now. Almost seven, crazy, wouldn't-trade-them-for-the-world years. Henry just turned eleven and though he won't admit it, still enjoys a good cuddle with his mother. Their son, Levi, will be six sooner than Emma cares to admit because she really wishes both of her boys were still little. Killian has been hinting at having another, Emma has been dodging the question. All in good fun, she's planning on agreeing she just likes to mess with him. Emma stares at the window, watching the sky turn pink and watching the room take on a soft glow, twisting her wedding ring around her finger, thinking about how different everything is now.

Ruby, is in a committed and happy relationship with Dorothy, Killians doctor, who stayed in touch after the accident all those years ago and ended up moving to town to join Doctor Whales practice. Anna had a girl; who she named Vivian and she had another wedding ceremony, she lives with her little family a few houses down. Her parents moved, they have a large farmhouse just shy of the exit town sign. It's good, they deserve it, they spent way too long being crammed in a small broom closet bedroom/laundry room. She tried to give Killian the letter Milah wrote to her, but he took one look at the handwriting, recognized who it belonged to, and refused to read it.

He didn't react the way that Liam said he would though, he merely just handed it back to her, said it wasn't his to read. Maybe he didn't get angry because the only two people who even knew of its existence for so long were dead. It sits in a drawer now, safe and tucked neatly away. She reads it sometimes, marvels at how Milah describes him and how he is now.

She jumps when she feels his breath on her neck, too lost in thought to even notice that he stirred. She hears him chuckle in her ear, feels it with his chest pressed to her back.

"You're thinking too loud." He whispers in her ear and she rolls her eyes.

"Hush."

"You hush." He laughs as he nips at her earlobe, fingertips finding the exposed skin from where her shirt rode up and just as he's about to dip his hand below the waistband of her shorts, she swats it away.

"Don't have time."

"We do." He says softly, kissing her neck, taking her chin in his hand and turning her head so he can kiss her lips and she rolls over so he can climb on top of her. There's no fighting it, he'll find out here in a minute what she meant.

"Killian."

"Ssssh." He smirks, "relax, it's going to be fine." She sighs, just runs her fingers through his hair the way he likes while he moves his lips over to her neck and then over her, chest, lifts her shirt a little bit to expose more of her skin.

"Three" She counts softly, letting her eyes slide shut.

"None of that, now." He says softly and continues, pressing open mouth kisses down.

"Two."

"Stop." Kisses her abdomen, hands moving to her shorts to pull them down.

"Aaaaand, one." It never fails, the door crashes open and in comes a tiny tornado with legs. Killian is quick though, getting off of her like he's had to do it a million times- he has. "Told you," Emma says as the little boy climbs on the bed and she pulls him into her lap.

"It's morning." Levi lets them know this every day, as soon as he's up, like clockwork.

"Is it?" Emma asks softly, kissing the top of his head. Killian sighs ruffles his kid's hair.

"We have to put a lock on that door." He whispers and Emma giggles.

* * *

Emma sits with her mother on the porch of their home, watching Levi run around with Wilby, her parents English Shepherd.

"How come you never let me get a dog, but you move out here and get one almost immediately?" Emma asks.

"Our old place was way too small for a dog and your father refused to get a smaller breed." She shrugs, "I'm sure you can get one now."

"Hmm. I don't know." Emma says softly, Levi would love that. He loves Wilby, he pretty much spends all his time with him when he _visited_ his grandparents. "I don't think Killian would let me."

"Wear a tight enough dress and he might."

" _Mom._ " Emma laughs but she kind of can't believe she said that "You've been spending too much time with Ruby."

"I'm just saying. That's how I get my way."  
"Ew, stop." Emma shakes her head, turns her attention back to her kid.

"Where are Killian and Henry this afternoon anyways?"

"Killian took him to a game, they'll be gone until tomorrow." She says softly, "Hey!" She yells, grabbing Levi's attention, "Away from the mud."

"He's already covered, hun." Her mom laughs and that's when he turns around, mud splattered all down his back like he slid in it like a slip and slide.

"Are you kidding?"

"Oh, he's just having fun."

"I just cleaned my car."

"Emma, it's alright. I have some clothes of his here he can change into and if he needs it, he can take a bath." Emma groans.

"Killian wants another one." She says softly.

"Do you?"

"I can't really say no."

"Of course you ca-"

"Because I'm already pregnant." And it takes a minute to register, she doesn't even realize she said it until her ear is pierced by the sound of her mother's squeal. "Ow."

"Really!?"  
"Found out a couple days ago because I tried to drink some hot cocoa and threw up all over my car."

"It's a girl." Her mother says beaming, "I can feel it."

"I hope so. I don't think I can handle another boy." She says softly, "And I hope one of my kids end up looking like me." She whines because both Henry and Levi don't. Henry is a spitting image of Neal, Levi is all Killian. Dark hair and ice blue eyes and maybe just a tiny hint of Emma's dimples. But that's about it. She's seen baby pictures, okay, he's Killian 2.0. Emma sighs, and then laughs. "Did you ever think I'd end up here?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Married with two kids and a third on the way." She says softly, "it still feels so weird."

"But a good weird."

"Yeah." She smiles, "A good weird."

"You're pregnant?" It's her father, stepping out of the house, both Emma and her mother's heads snap in his direction. He's looking at her, hopeful gleam in his eyes and she nods.

"Surprise." She smirks and yelps when he laughs and pulls her up, into a tight hug.

"Does Killian know?"

"No, and don't tell him." She looks at both of her parents, "Seriously. I don't need a repeat of the whole gender fiasco." She wanted to surprise him after the doctor accidentally told her she was having a boy when she specifically told him she wanted to wait for a day when Killian would be able to be there. And then she slipped to her parents and forgot to mention that he didn't know yet. So when they saw him in the diner picking up dinner, they decided to congratulate him on the baby boy.

And she cried for an hour about it because she had a _plan_ and it was ruined and she was hormonal as hell.

"It's a girl." They both say and she smiles because she knows it too. She knew Henry was a boy, and Levi was a boy and she really really feels this one is a girl. That'll make Killian happy, she's pretty sure the only reason he wants to try and have another is that he wants a girl.

Henry tells her all about his and Killians adventure when he comes home, a little too hyped up on sugar if you ask Emma, but it's fine. Killian had been texting her when he could the whole way home, mostly downright filthy things but she'll take what she can get. And when it's finally time for Henry to head to bed, he corners her as she's folding laundry in the living room. Okay, she shouldn't say corner, he just comes up behind her, arms around her waist.

"Put the clothes down." He says softly.

"Hmmm." She thinks about it, "No."

"Swan."

"Jones." She continues folding, tries to focus on the task and not on what he's doing now that he's realized that her pants are loose enough he can fit his hand in them. " _Dude._ " She doesn't mean to snap, but she's trying to fold, and the baby is making her feel like crap today. He pulls away slowly.

"Everything okay, Love?" He asks

"It's fine, I'm just tired."

"Hey." He says softly, takes the shirt she's holding from her and then spins her around to look at him, "Talk to me, Emma." She bites at her lip and he raises an eyebrow, pokes her side, "Spill it."

"I'm pregnant." She says softly and then she waits.

"What?" He asks, and she nods, she watches the smile slowly form on his face, "Really?"

"Yeah." She smiles too. "I'm pregnant."

"You're pregnant."

"Mhm."

"We're having another baby."

"Yes." She says softly, and it only takes a second, she's lifted and then she's on her back on the couch with all the clean clothes being kissed by him.

"I love you." He says breathlessly and she laughs.

"I know." She brushes the hair out of his face. "But uh…"

"What?"

"Clean clothes."

"Right." He says and then he's pulling her up and they're running upstairs.

* * *

It is a girl, they name her Lily, she's beautiful. With blonde curls and blue eyes and two older brothers who would probably die for her. She has her father wrapped around her finger too, Emma has to compete for his affections a bit more.

"This is still really unreal." Emma whispers, baby Lily resting between them, Levi on Emma's chest and Henry at the foot of the bed. Killian hums his acknowledgment but doesn't anything, "feels like a dream."

"Yeah." He says softly.

"Do you even know what I said?" Emma asks they're speaking in hushed voices. His pretty blue eyes flick up to meet her green ones and he smiles.

"Swan."

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember that night I had to pick you up from the bar all those years ago?" He asks, and she nods. She was wasted that night, she doesn't remember all of it, but it came back in pieces every now and again. She knows she showed him more than she should have, taking off her clothes in front of him without a second thought.

"Vaguely." She giggles. He smirks. "Why?"

"I told you that night, you're worth so much more than you thought back then. I promised I'd show you, look." He says softly, "at this life we've built together. I just really hope you can see now what I saw then. You mean so much to me and I am so in love with you."

"I love you too." She whispers and he grabs her hand, presses a kiss to the back of it, "Even though you annoy me to no end."

"Again, like I've been saying for years now. You gotta come up with better words. I gave you a damn dictionary, what did you do with it?"

"Fine." She says softly, "You _agitate_ me."

"That's my girl."

"Irritate."  
"Come on, hit me with something I haven't heard a thousand times."

"Vex."

"Ooh, good one."

" _Rankle._ "

"This is kinda hot." He smirks, "You're lucky there are three kids in here right now." She rolls her eyes.

"I'm literally insulting you."

"I know, it's sexy."  
"You're so weird."

"Ah, well, you married weird. Get used to it." Killian says with a wink and she laughs softly and just looks around at her tiny family. As unreal as this felt, as crazy as it seemed, this is her life. And she never thought she could ever be this happy.

* * *

A/N: That's the end guys. I know it was a long wait. I'm really going to miss this story, thank you guys for reading and encouraging me to continue. It feels so good to actually say I finished something. :,)


End file.
